(CNN) — Police in western Massachusetts apologized Thursday after an officer was sent to a middle school to search for a copy of “Gender Queer: ARead More
Also, as much as a lot of people don’t like to think about it, kids do have sex. A lot of them will wind up experimenting before they’re 17. Teaching them about things like consent is important. Even if they don’t end up having sex with anyone until high school, or college, demystifying and allowing them to learn about sex in a healthy, structured way as part of a continuing education works a hell of a lot better at making sure they don’t knock up their first girlfriend by accident at 17, or decide “well she owes me for tonight” after prom, or whatever.
If nothing else, the teen pregnancy rate in states with abstinence-only (or no) sexual education programs shows that those programs don’t work. Treating sex as this mysterious beast that only happens behind closed doors, that must never be discussed, doesn’t work.
You are over-reacting a little here. This book is not a great candidate for something actually sexy. The characters try something sexual and find it really doesn’t suit them and they stop. The POV character has massive dysphoria around being touched directly down below and so it’s hardly glammorizing sex acts. Rather the entire thing is framed as a complete disappointment.
A lot of the focus on “well not MY child” is being used to perpetuate this book ban nonsense in public libraries and other spaces where general collections are for all ages. Just as you struggled with the mental health issues around being a sexual assault victim at 14 and likely there wasn’t a lot of materials on offer to help guide you trans kids most often start feeling body based dysphoria at the ages of 11-14. Those kids are left often with a fairly nebulous view of the future where they might not have access to healthy adults who can help understand what they are going through and give insight into what their lives might look like when they grow up. Their fears about ever being able to feel comfortable in their sexuallity is valid when they might be having severe reactions to their own sexual development.
What I find particularly interesting about all this is this book is essentially one where a person with fairly intense dysphoria depicts what a fully complete non-surgical transition looks like where a purely mental coping strategy is employed. I would have thought this book, in a discussion that regularly centers around prevention of surgical transition would highlight this character who finds ways to carry on outside of a medical model… But it doesn’t. Because trans people’s problems and solutions are always treated as taboo and perverse regardless. The answer we overwhelmingly get is just "Well, you are just supposed to be permanently unhappy. " which isn’t exactly a beacon of hope.
Your kid might not need this book but I was desperate for something - anything like this when I was that age… I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s where I had no bloody clue what was happening to me and why everyone else seemed fine while I was having routine anxiety attacks about puberty that made me think I had heart problems and my issues would likely be solved for me by me dying before I ever grew up. Sex ed leaves a lot of pressing trans issues at a critical age unaddressed and while 11-14 may seem young it IS a crucial turning point in puberty which doesn’t exactly go well for a lot of us. Basically by the window of time girls get their first period there’s also young trans kids in complete crisis.
You may want to look up the current average age of puberty starting. Blame chemicals in the environment or whatever you want, but a lot of girls are getting their first period before they turn ten. I started masturbating to a somewhat messy finish before I was ten because it felt good, and I have to think I’m hardly an outlier. There’s a reason we teach kids about their parts early, it’s because changes start sooner than ever and we don’t need little girls terrified like Carrie because their parents never told them what to expect out of embarrassment or religious zealotry.
Also, teaching consent should be done very, very early, as it enables children to advocate for themselves at a younger age, hopefully even reducing CSA as a children can recognize and report “bad touches” when they’re younger. Surely you want children to advocate for their own safety, to recognize that doing thing that make them uncomfortable isn’t okay.
my partner was ten when they were raped repeatedly by a 14 year old, who convinced them that this was all normal. should my partner have known about consent in order to avoid being talked into something uncomfortable or are they a sacrifice you’re willing to make in your moral jihad?
I started teaching consent in age-appropriate ways as soon as they started walking. My 2yo already asks not to touch his body when he feels uncomfortable or overstimulated, and is on his way to acknowledging when others say the same to him.
My 6yo has already recounted uncomfortable advances from boys at school, and how she avoided or ended the encounter- First with her words and then with action. I’m well aware that by the time she’s 10 she’s going to discover adults looking at her in a particular way. There’s no way in hell I’m going to let her out into the world without the awareness of that as well as the tools to protect herself from it.
Nonconsensual sex, being one of the ultimate violations of another person, will be well understood. And we’re building from the nature of our bodies and others. And next into consent and what that entails.
To your last sentence, I remember being an extremely horny 11yo with no idea what was happening to my body and no one to look to for advice. Sex was a taboo subject in both home and school. I learned some dumb shit from other boys with older brothers instead.
Teaching children what consent is sounds pretty important to me. They won’t magically learn it at 17.
Also, as much as a lot of people don’t like to think about it, kids do have sex. A lot of them will wind up experimenting before they’re 17. Teaching them about things like consent is important. Even if they don’t end up having sex with anyone until high school, or college, demystifying and allowing them to learn about sex in a healthy, structured way as part of a continuing education works a hell of a lot better at making sure they don’t knock up their first girlfriend by accident at 17, or decide “well she owes me for tonight” after prom, or whatever.
If nothing else, the teen pregnancy rate in states with abstinence-only (or no) sexual education programs shows that those programs don’t work. Treating sex as this mysterious beast that only happens behind closed doors, that must never be discussed, doesn’t work.
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Jesus Christ, you are the only one sexualizing little kids here buddy. What the actual fuck? I really hope that this is a troll.
It’s definitely a low grade troll.
Girls start puberty as early as 8 my guy, boys as early as 9-11, so what’s this “13 and no earlier” horse shit?
Leave it to the uninformed to have the opinion on the wrong side of history
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You are over-reacting a little here. This book is not a great candidate for something actually sexy. The characters try something sexual and find it really doesn’t suit them and they stop. The POV character has massive dysphoria around being touched directly down below and so it’s hardly glammorizing sex acts. Rather the entire thing is framed as a complete disappointment.
A lot of the focus on “well not MY child” is being used to perpetuate this book ban nonsense in public libraries and other spaces where general collections are for all ages. Just as you struggled with the mental health issues around being a sexual assault victim at 14 and likely there wasn’t a lot of materials on offer to help guide you trans kids most often start feeling body based dysphoria at the ages of 11-14. Those kids are left often with a fairly nebulous view of the future where they might not have access to healthy adults who can help understand what they are going through and give insight into what their lives might look like when they grow up. Their fears about ever being able to feel comfortable in their sexuallity is valid when they might be having severe reactions to their own sexual development.
What I find particularly interesting about all this is this book is essentially one where a person with fairly intense dysphoria depicts what a fully complete non-surgical transition looks like where a purely mental coping strategy is employed. I would have thought this book, in a discussion that regularly centers around prevention of surgical transition would highlight this character who finds ways to carry on outside of a medical model… But it doesn’t. Because trans people’s problems and solutions are always treated as taboo and perverse regardless. The answer we overwhelmingly get is just "Well, you are just supposed to be permanently unhappy. " which isn’t exactly a beacon of hope.
Your kid might not need this book but I was desperate for something - anything like this when I was that age… I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s where I had no bloody clue what was happening to me and why everyone else seemed fine while I was having routine anxiety attacks about puberty that made me think I had heart problems and my issues would likely be solved for me by me dying before I ever grew up. Sex ed leaves a lot of pressing trans issues at a critical age unaddressed and while 11-14 may seem young it IS a crucial turning point in puberty which doesn’t exactly go well for a lot of us. Basically by the window of time girls get their first period there’s also young trans kids in complete crisis.
You may want to look up the current average age of puberty starting. Blame chemicals in the environment or whatever you want, but a lot of girls are getting their first period before they turn ten. I started masturbating to a somewhat messy finish before I was ten because it felt good, and I have to think I’m hardly an outlier. There’s a reason we teach kids about their parts early, it’s because changes start sooner than ever and we don’t need little girls terrified like Carrie because their parents never told them what to expect out of embarrassment or religious zealotry.
Also, teaching consent should be done very, very early, as it enables children to advocate for themselves at a younger age, hopefully even reducing CSA as a children can recognize and report “bad touches” when they’re younger. Surely you want children to advocate for their own safety, to recognize that doing thing that make them uncomfortable isn’t okay.
my partner was ten when they were raped repeatedly by a 14 year old, who convinced them that this was all normal. should my partner have known about consent in order to avoid being talked into something uncomfortable or are they a sacrifice you’re willing to make in your moral jihad?
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They also aren’t going to wait until they’re 17 to do sex stuff, i promise. Not all of them, at least.
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It appears you don’t remember what YOU were doing as a young teen. We were still playing with toys but also ourselves at that age
I started teaching consent in age-appropriate ways as soon as they started walking. My 2yo already asks not to touch his body when he feels uncomfortable or overstimulated, and is on his way to acknowledging when others say the same to him.
My 6yo has already recounted uncomfortable advances from boys at school, and how she avoided or ended the encounter- First with her words and then with action. I’m well aware that by the time she’s 10 she’s going to discover adults looking at her in a particular way. There’s no way in hell I’m going to let her out into the world without the awareness of that as well as the tools to protect herself from it.
Nonconsensual sex, being one of the ultimate violations of another person, will be well understood. And we’re building from the nature of our bodies and others. And next into consent and what that entails.
To your last sentence, I remember being an extremely horny 11yo with no idea what was happening to my body and no one to look to for advice. Sex was a taboo subject in both home and school. I learned some dumb shit from other boys with older brothers instead.
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