- cross-posted to:
- randomcrosspost@sh.itjust.works
- cross-posted to:
- randomcrosspost@sh.itjust.works
My old person trait is that I think ‘ghosting’ is completely unacceptable and you owe the other person a face-to-face conversation.
My old person trait is that I think ‘ghosting’ is completely unacceptable and you owe the other person a face-to-face conversation.
I don’t see the difference in safety between ghosting and sending a text saying “This isn’t going to work out, you’re just not the one for me”
Not replying / blocking them after is fine. That’s not really ghosting anymore.
In fact, I’d suggest the safety improved from texting that, since the majority wouldn’t bother trying to reach you using other methods, whereas with no reply at all, they may try to reach you some other way like in person.
You have obviously never dealt with a dangerous man. Rejection like this (as opposed to ghosting, which just confuses them) angers them. Angering them means they will do some crazy shit up to and including stalking and violence.
It’s shocking, yes, but it’s true. Ghosting is safer because their anger is subdued because it takes them a little while to figure out they’ve been rejected, and when they do, it somehow stings them less than a direct rejection which makes them lash out angrily.
Won’t the same (or worse) anger happen though, if you just ignore them for long enough?
It does seem like the person you replied to had the right idea, to be definite in your relationship position.
If the texting person is the kind of person you describe, a confrontation seems likely to happen sooner or later anyways. Might as well get ahead of it, and not hide from it.
Why are all these people so readily engaged with violent, abusive people in the first place? I’ve never my life met a man or woman so violent that a text message of rejection would cause them to act out aggressively. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but the text message ain’t the problem. Ghosting is cowardice and disrespect incarnate to the rest of the 99% of people they’re interacting with.
There aren’t a lot if you consider your immediate social circle, but social media allows us to reach millions of people and increases our experience database. In all my social circles of maybe a couple hundred people over the last 40 years I have 2 acquaintances that were considered dangerous. One was a husband that fell into meth use, and another was a narcissist boyfriend they couldn’t take no for an answer. My extended social circle ranges from nurses and doctors to hairdressers to real estate agents to retired PD to cancer researchers to the trades to high tech folks and everything in between.