I just found out from my wife that if I continue to explore my non-binary identity outside of the confines of our house, she’s going to end up leaving me. Talk about a lose-lose scenario, fuck me. I really don’t want to hear the “you’re better off without her if she can’t be accepting” line of thinking. I get where you’d be going with that, but there’s a lot more going on beyond this wherein I need her.
If she cannot or will not reason with you; she should be told to get lost. I don’t know the complexities of your relationship; but if she is unwilling to parlay or hear you out…the ship sank long before you noticed. Do not expend energy trying to salvage it.
I get there may be a large number of affairs that are entangled that may require you to take time or action to disentangle them. I’m not telling you to deliver an ultimatum today or even this month. Be Prepared.
It doesn’t matter that you don’t want to hear it; The time is nigh; Prepare for a divorce. Please; DO NOT LET HER FILE FIRST!!! You should do it; so that you don’t get taken to the cleaners and there’s two lawyers negotiating instead of one lawyer demanding you yield everything of value to her.
You must not ignore the problem at hand. Naturally; if you know of a way to resolve the problem without resorting to nuclear tactics or ultimatums; you may pursue them. Understand however that she may be unyielding or refuse to compromise.
If she is truly willing to leave you for refusing to stop expressing or exploring yourself; you should not yield to her emotional blackmail. I leave it up to you to engage and speak with her honestly to determine where she stands emotionally on this so you can better advise yourself on how you will choose to respond to her highly inappropriate request.
In the end; what you do is your choice…but I genuinely wish you luck and hope that your wife is more reasonable and kind than I am expecting her to be. Talk to her and see.
She’s definitely a lot better than that. In no way is she the type to try to vulture anything away from me. There is very much intent to figure things out, but like I said in my other reply, I just need a minute to get past the hurt of her being supportive then suddenly not.
The parent comment in this subthread seems to imply that filing first in a legal action is advantageous in that you’re more likely to win or get what you’re after. That has not been my experience, but I’d be curious to know if there is better than anecdotal data to back up that perspective.