I understand a fantasy and a one time thing like tipping on a guys night out at a strip club, but some of these guys think they are in a relationship with someone they will never meet and don’t even know their real name or life details.
Well, they may like the attention and validation it brings. I knew someone who was asexual that had a lot of dotcom money. He loved to go to Vegas and gamble. He knew the house was stacked against him. He knew that the girls who sat on his lap only liked him for his money. He still loved the attention he got when he tipped big. I saw him tip a waiter $200 on a $150 meal. He LOVED it. And why?
“I used to be poor. I was a nobody. Now I make people happy with my money, and I feel good about myself.”
Can’t beat that.
This is going to sound weird but I kinda get it.
I’m not rich at all. But I have a really high paying job. And I tip 25-40% because I used to work at restaurants and coffee shops if they are mildly pleasant. During the holidays, I easily drop 100% tips at like a small sandwich shop.
I’m definitely part of the problem with tipping. But it makes me feel good to give a small coffee worker $5 for their hard work.
You’re not at all part of the problem. The problem is entirely concentrated in the employers’ unwillingness to pay workers a living wage. It’s not like they’d start if you stopped tipping; they’d be legally required to backfill some of the shortfall, but not enough that the person could actually survive.
Rest assured. You are not a part of the problem.
As someone who has done tipped labor before: the bigger problem is the entitlement of the people who come to expect tips and negatively judge anyone who doesn’t.
I once got shat on for saying I reduce my typical tip of 25%+ down to 15% for waiters who were particularly bad at interactions, in a thread where a bunch of waiters were patting themselves on the back for forcing bad-but-fast interactions that allowed them to give the appearance of service.
Such as avoiding eye contact, ignoring gestures from a distance, and leaving a table fast to give them as little time as possible to put in follow-up requests, or waiting until someone’s mouth was full or with a glass up so they couldn’t elaborate, and some other stuff I don’t care to remember.
I was called “shitty” for “witholding tips”.
That’s so sad, you weren’t even doing a “No tip” just a “reduced tip.” Like, isn’t that how tipping is supposed to work?
I’ve faced it too, coworkers would tell me things like “we have a spray bottle with water so you can look like you’re sweating and working really hard and more likely to get tips.” Cool, because gaslighting people for money isn’t fraudulent or scammy at all??
The entitlement is crazy. I remember literally arguing “it’s not their responsibility to cover the gaps in our pay that our employer refuses to cover” and them acting like I was crazy to expect our employer to pay us a living wage when we could be raking in cash from tips.
Seriously, the tips were insane, but it wasn’t enough for these people. We could be getting enough in tips to be making $30+/hour each night, but apparently that’s not enough and entirely the responsibility of the people who come to our restaurant.
Yeah, I’m pretty convinced that the worst tipping culture comes from the people who act like not getting a tip is fucking blaspheme that should be punished by God himself.
Yeah, like I’ve always tipped the “standard” (15% here) as the minimum in the worst cases, my standard is 20-25% or more depending on the bill and time of service, et cetera; and they still had their panties in a wad over the idea that their brilliant shortcuts weren’t that brilliant and that someone might still see through them or at least appropriately judge their service over them, intentional or not.
edit: at the time it was 25% or more; I’ve only adjusted it slightly because I don’t make as much anymore, and even then it’s mainly when it’s a large bill, and I’m by myself, and either the service was just sub-par, or it was a very fast but expensive meal. Good eating is my vice.
I don’t enjoy restaurants. For travel only. Rather just cook it myself.
I do the same. It is one of the few things that really cheers me up sometimes.
I don’t necessarily do it with tips, because I don’t really know those people, but I have a similar situation. I make good money at work and am very lonely/isolated in my social life, so I don’t have a lot of places to spend my money. But around the holidays I like giving big expensive gifts to my family and the few other important people in my life. They always think it’s overboard in terms of what I spend but I just really like the feeling that my money is going to make someone happy since it doesn’t really do much for me. I make sure to remind them that I’m not keeping score and not expecting them to give me something of equal value. I just like the experience of gift-giving.
It’s always been this way and yes they do.
In the 50’s, women artists were literally expected to hide their partners. Dolly Parton famously got married against the wishes of her managers/producers, because she was a bad bitch who wasn’t going to be pushed around and denied her own life. She was a rarity at the time.
The number of OF models who have boyfriends who never appear on cam is high. This isn’t new for women in porn, this has pretty much how it has always operated. Men don’t like their fantasy being destroyed by pesky details like a boyfriend.
In Kpop its definitely still a thing, and it seems like the young male fans flip the fuck out when they find out one of the women they’re idolizing already has a boyfriend.
It’s capitalism, baby. It teaches young men that human relationships are a financial transaction and nothing more. They absolutely do think the money they spend means something, even if they aren’t an outright Incel.
Many of them will end up furious eventually, once it becomes clear they will never make it anywhere with this woman.
*shrugs
A few years back on Reddit I remember stumbling my way into a comment thread discussing some camgirl or Instagram model, or “influencer” or something along those lines. The OP was a gif of her bouncing her boobs (and I’m not gonna lie, I clicked into the thread because boobs)
Overall the comments were pretty much what you’d expect, but one dude in particular stood out to me.
IIRC, someone made a comment about how her boyfriend was a lucky man or something to that effect, someone else commented that they had heard she was a lesbian, and that’s where this particular weirdo came in, saying something essentially like “nuh-uh, I talked to her cam-to-cam and she’s definitely straight.”
Like it genuinely never occurred to this person that someone might not be exactly who they present themselves as online.
Now I cannot claim to know anything about that girl’s personal life, she might be gay, she might be straight, she might be neither, but I can easily think of probably a dozen reasons off the top of my head why she might want to hide her sexuality, whatever it may be, from some stranger she was chatting with on the internet, ranging of fear of harassment to trying to get money out of him.
I tried to explain that to him, and he was like “yeah, I get it, but I talked to her and she’s a really genuine person”
Everything just went in his one ear and right out the other.
I hope that dude never made his way into a strip club, he’d get talked into so paying for many champagne rooms and then probably go home and brag about his new girlfriend.
It’s capitalism, baby. It teaches young men that human relationships are a
financialtransaction and nothing more.I really notice that idea in movies from the 80s and 90s. The love interest leaps into the dude’s arms at the end. They didn’t know each other an hour ago, but she’s the reward for the hero’s success.
That’s where I learned from, and I learned the hard way that the crazy antics in those movies just get you a restraining order!
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I’ve thought about it. It’s tempting because it’s simple. When you spend time and energy on your wife and she doesn’t give anything back, it’s very lonely. A cam girl is simple. Money goes in, attention comes out. It’s not exactly what I want but it’s got a higher success rate that what I’ve got now.
Sorry to hear that, hope you can find a way out of that situation.
Thanks, I’ve become resigned to it.
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Can’t afford it. I can’t afford the aftermath, keep my kids, and keep my sanity. I’ve thought about it.
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Thanks. :)
Thank god I dont have kids, and my wife isnt a bloodsucker. We tentatively agreed in principle to a divorce yesterday, and one of the first things she said was “Do we need lawyers or can we just sign the divorce application and be done with it?”
I hope that its over soon, quickly and cheaply. We are both so tired.
I knew a couple who did that. They had a mutual friend lawyer represent them both, lol. It was smooth to say the least.
I wish you strength, and hope you’ll find a good solution. Maybe it would be worth a thought of spending the money for couples therapy.
I’ve been asking for years. I can schedule an appointment, but they have to show up.
Go on your own. You likely know this, but saying it just in case.
I have. I’ve gotten what I can. It’s gotten me stable and surviving.
Hey can we spend some time together?
Get death glare
Fine, go back to your 9 hour streaming marathon. Sorry to bother you.
People be lonely, yo.
I’m sure many have that fantasy. I’d guess that others understand that it’s just a tease, and have enough disposable income that they don’t care. Same as strip clubs.
Parasocial relationships are fucked and there’s lots of chuds out there hyperfocusing on all the wrong things.
I don’t think a blanket statement about parasocial relationships is warranted at all based on some outliers.
Being in a parasocial relationship is fine as long as both people are aware of this and feel comfortable with the position they’re in. It’s only when this isn’t the case it becomes a problem, this isn’t inherent to parasocial relationships and applies to a lot of relationships.
I have a parasocial relationship with a certain Twitch streamer. I have no delusions about what that relationship is or isn’t. I pay/donate because I value what this person adds to my life in the form of content and a community. The streamer is only vaguely aware of my existence and that’s fine. I do not want to be a part of his life except as a community member in general and all he brings to my life is the entertainment and a cool place to hang out. I see this as a win-win scenario.
Of course there are always whales who pay big bucks, but I feel most of them are like me, they just pay what they feel the value is. If I have a shitty week and the provided entertainment cheers me up, I might donate $10. If a rich whale has a shitty week and they get cheered up they might donate a 100 bucks. But there is no notice me senpai aspect or expectation this changes anything in the relationship.
I’ve seen folks do the same with people who stream games.
An acknowledgement of your own existence is a powerful thing. I get it.
Grant Amato shot his father, mother, and brother Cody in the head at their home in Seminole County, Florida, while attempting to stage it as a murder-suicide committed by his brother before fleeing the residence.
Before the murders occurred, Amato had developed an infatuation with Bulgarian model and cam girl Silviya Ventsislavova (Bulgarian: Силвия Венциславова), who went by the alias “Silvie” online. Amato used some of his father’s and brother’s money that amounted to $200,000 to pay to attend her webcam sessions.
I’m not sure how that counts but it does add texture to the conversation.
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They might think that, and they might be right. There have been multiple accounts from sec workers who feel friendly to their clients.
Think about any place you go regularly: you might have a friendly relationship with the cashier/waiter/barista/bartender/whoever. That relationship only exists because you are a customer, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel genuinely friendly to you. When I’ve worked in service jobs, there were plenty of people I only interacted with because I had to, and there were a handful of people I genuinely liked seeing. Just because someone is selling images of their naked body and a sense of intimacy doesn’t mean the dynamic is fundamentally different on their side. For the clients, there is often a misunderstanding of what the boundaries are, which is why many sex workers are extremely direct with people.
A lot of it is buying the illusion/experience. They are helping that girl get back into veterinary school or are virtually rubbing her clit by making panties vibrate or whatever.
Also, it is generally not the same whale every night. Sometimes it is, but most models have a set of regulars.
And the other aspect to remember is the good old audience plant. Think of it like starting a hype train on twitch or getting the meter most of the way to the exposed titties goal or whatever. The idea is a friend or site employee uses cheap tokens to encourage others to use real ones.
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They are lonely and desperate for any kind of interaction with another human. Because sex work is illegal and dangerous, it creates a market for this kind of stuff. It’s sad. People need attention, touch, and love from other humans as much as they need food and water. But many people are unattractive and/or socially inept… but do have some money. And society is largely cruel and heartless towards outsiders. It’s hard for most to accept, but many factors outside of a person’s control can force them into a lonely life of rejection and non-acceptance by average folks. People find all kinds of things to fill these voids. Paying cam models is just one of many coping mechanisms, and maybe not as self-destructive as drugs, booze, food, etc.
I agree with every single thing you said. But, I paid for a woman’s OnlyFans account for a couple of months.
She was wildly attractive to me, but the thing I admired the most was how artful she was in her nudes. The outfits and makeup and all that, simply artful.
She put real work into all that, and I so loved the effort. And besides, yikes, talk about my type.
$5/mo. for a couple of months, no big deal, and I was happy to help her out. But I had zero illusions, zero attachment, and I told her everything I’ve said here. She was very nice, chatted briefly a time or two, and didn’t try to suck me into some kinda pseudo relationship.
Not a shill, but if you like 'em flat as a board:
https://twitter.com/Princes_rosea
Go from there.
I assume it’s a form of the buzzword/phrase “parasocial relationship” and some if not most do actually think they have a chance. No real idea, but you can definitely see it even on twitch with female viewers and their rich viewers throwing money at them
Parasocial relationships works both ways. Of course you have exceptions and it depend on the individual, but they usually like each others.
I once signed up to an only fans I fancied just to see what the hubbub was all about. I paid my monthly fee which was like 10 or 11 bucks. I had access to her whole catalog including live shows. I managed to catch one of those live shows and by the end of it, only about 30 minutes long, she managed to get 800 bucks in tips.
People were tipping her 200 300 hundreds bucks at a time as she diddled her self with various implements.
Insanity. There is literally limitless free porn in this genre out there. There is absolutely no reason to pay for any of this.
And yet… There you have it. This woman made close to 1000 dollars for doing something she’d probably do anyway.
