No, we hate stopping because it takes you all twenty minutes to pee and then another twenty to get food and snacks. And now your mother’s decided she wants a sit down meal and there’s a cute shop she wants to visit before we get on the road.
And now it’s five in the morning and we’ve been on the road for sixteen hours and we’re still 150 miles from home and you want me to check into a hotel to get some rest when we could have been back in our own beds by 10pm if we didn’t have to stop because your bladders are all the size of thimbles.
And I’m paying for all of this.
I saw a comedian who said “The only vacation a father gets is after everyone’s in the car and he closes the trunk. That short walk to the driver’s seat is so fucking relaxing.”
When I’m driving, there are 4 reasons to stop:
- The tank is empty.
- The bladder is full.
- I’m so tired we’re all to crash and die.
- The car is on fire and/or falling apart
Unless one of these applies, we’re driving. And if a stop is required, there are zero acceptable reasons to extend that stop that are not on this list.
Edit: “we’re there” is also a good reason to stop
On a recent road trip I discovered a new reason to stop. I saw a sign that said “drive a tank $99”
Did you finish your trip with the tank?
That doesn’t sound very enjoyable and seems a bit evil. The tank will hardly go a couple of meters before the bottom of the glass cracks and all the fish will fall out on the hot asphalt before suffocating to death.
What about hunger…
drive thru and eat while driving
Ordering ahead and picking up inside is much faster than a drive thru
Imma need a two-fer there, or it’s the side of I-whatever the fuck we’re on for 5 to 35 minutes.
The only vacation a father gets is after everyone’s in the car and he closes the trunk. That short walk to the driver’s seat is so fucking relaxing.
As a father of two, truer words have never been spoken!
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you lucky bastard!
I swear girls have insanely small bladders. I’ve never stopped on a road trip with guys, but with girls, you ALWAYS have to stop.
Hell, if you’ve got enough empty bottles dudes never have to stop. Piss jugs are the way of the road.
Fukin toe da so
You’d still stop for some friends of the road though, eh?
Are you just perpetually dehydrated?
No. Your body doesn’t need a gallon of water every other second. Excess fluids are pointless because your body just pees it out, because it can’t process it.
Not to mention too much water can kill you.
People think if you’re not peeing 2 times per hour, you’re unhealthy. I get CBC + other labs blood work done weekly and I’m perfectly hydrated.
Not to mention if you’re going on a long road trip, it’s okay to consume less fluids. You won’t die.
I drink an absolute ton of water all the time, but I almost never have to go more than every 4-6 hours, if not longer. It’s not like I’m holding it either, there’s just no pressure to go for at least that long. I normally have 40oz water bottles that I refill at least a few times per day.
Popping a squat is a lost art… My grandmother says.
Also this is what other people call your vacation…the one time you shouldn’t have to organize anything and just relax instead.
Yep. I’m a dad and this is 1000% accurate.
Not a dad yet but apparently qualified to be
Same. I’m feeling like dad 101 and traffic 101 had a crossover event.
I’m a dad, I become friends with some cars, we get along well, then all of a sudden, the take an exit and leave me empty.
And then later you catch yourself wondering how Blue-Sienna-with-the-bumper-sticker is doing.
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As long as you’re not enjoying the scenery from the left lane, I have no issues with you.
Am dad. I feel this in my soul.
My parents are the reverse, we used to stop like every hour.
I’m in my 30’s and made a trip from Chicago to Denver with my brother. We drove the 16 hours straight through I think we stopped maybe 3-4 times for gas/pee/stretch/snacks maybe 30 minutes total NOT driving. It was so efficient and I appreciated it so much.
I drove my kids 14 hours each way to see the eclipse. On the first stop I said “Okay, we go in, go to the bathroom, grab chips, candy, and a soda, and we’re back in the car in five minutes.”
They were absolute troopers. We stopped maybe three times and each time they did exactly as asked.
Then we decided to drive to Disney with my wife and mother-in-law. The first time we stopped for a break it was at a Cracker Barrel, and they wanted to have a sit-down meal and do some shopping less than three hours into a 12 hour drive.
My kids looked at me in confusion. My oldest said “Dad, doesn’t mom know how to take a road trip?!”
Fuck this post has me so torn. On one hand I 100% support road tripping and long drives… gruelling even, but otoh…cracker barrel. If there’s only one on the route. You kinda have to stop. Shopping is a no no tho. Dessert is right out.
If you have a mini van, getting to go is totally acceptable.
Not allowed in a sedan. Don’t ask me why. You know why. Extra napkins.
Idk about cb to go…but fair if it’s within first 3 hr
It’s much deeper. You find that group of other dad’s, in the same mind, no words are spoken but everyone is one the same page of A to B without nonsense. A team of dad’s in a pack, look for them on trips and they’ll lead you.
Oh no! My travel buddy just exited form the highway!
goodbye my temporary friend. we’ll always have the time in that patch of i75 together.
I paired up with a rural postal delivery guy driving late at night once and we stayed together until the interstate. Hope he’s still doing okay.
Sometimes in stop-and-go traffic I (in my little roadster) will match speeds with a semi so that cars aren’t constantly cutting in front of them and forcing them to brake suddenly. I usually get a friendly wave from them or a flash of the 4-ways. I like to imagine the driver getting on the CB and telling all the other truckers to look out for the “little friend”.
Ma’am you’re causing an obstruction and they just want you to flash them back. As in, flash them back.
And next time learn to use your cruise control!
Then you see them at a gas station 100 miles later. “You see that Trooper get that guy?” , "yeah he was moving "
Those idiots going 59 in a 60 area!
Sigh… /s
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Til I’m a dad
But if the dads never passed those vehicles, then the vehicles even further back would get ahead of them. The work of passing the vehicles in front has still paid off
Clearly the dads don’t care about how soon they get to their destinations, they just hate seeing others get ahead of them
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I like to pass quickly because I don’t enjoy driving. I have to focus on the road so I don’t get into an accident. I’ll be happy once we get to out destination.
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Yea I must admit the scenery usually isn’t that great for where I drive. And when it is nice either I am driving at least 100km/h or there is a lot of fast moving traffic. It’s just hard for me to enjoy it when I’m too afraid to cause an accident.
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That sounds beautiful, hopefully I get to enjoy that once. Some American roads do hit differently, in Europe though they are harder to find. That is without too much traffic.
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If you want to go fast just go on a track day. The amount of people who think they’re going to be a good racer because they can drive fast on a highway is mind boggling.
I have a sim racing rig and when there’s a friend of mine who’s a “highway racer” I like to challenge them to a time attack and just watch them flail around the track.
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The car did all the work. I just put the brick on the pedal and close my eyes. Jebus take the wheel!
As a non dad (thank God, no brats to tend to), I never stop. I can drive for days. Pee in the empty coke bottle. No wife, no kids, just me and the open road. Got my cooler with my sammiches. Not stopping ever.
He drives.
