I have so many friends who would 100% be labeled as an incel if they were men. They hold men to impossibly high standards while meeting none of those standards themselves.

For example, women living with parents while expecting men to have their own place, women who are obese but are only interested in fit men, working part time while expecting a man who has a career, refusing to drive and expecting men to chauffeur them around, expecting men to have a variety of friends and interests while doing nothing but watching TV all day, etc.

The worst part is, calling out this inequality will 100% get any man labeled as an incel. We’re expected to either deal with it or be alone forever.

This is NOT to undermine the very real issues women have to deal with, for example the loss of bodily autonomy in the US. But this is still an issue worth discussing and nobody is talking about it.

  • harmonea@kbin.social
    8·
    1 year ago

    Are there some women who have higher standards than they, themselves, live up to - sure. But that’s not what makes an incel.

    An incel is someone who believes:

    1. People of my preferred gender kind of suck, mostly
    2. Despite mostly sucking, people of my preferred gender tend to have high standards <-- you are here
    3. Those high standards exclude me, and I think that’s unfair; it makes me angry that they won’t give me the chance I deserve.
    4. I’m tired of playing nice when none of them will give me the chance I deserve. I’ve written their entire gender off as trash, and my new hobby is constantly berating them.

    People rarely say #3 and #4 out loud, so once you’re at #2 – which you are – people are going to start making some assumptions.

    And yes, there are some women past #3 and #4 themselves, sure. We’ve all heard the occasional “men are pigs,” and that kind of intolerance shouldn’t be accepted no matter who it comes from. But it’s absolutely not many/most of us, and if you think so, you’re either being overly critical or surrounding yourself with the wrong kinds of friends - both of which are on you and show you need to de-incel your thinking before you go off the deep end.

    • AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.eeOP
      2·
      1 year ago

      This actually worries me a little because I don’t disagree with all of those points. #1 I think most people suck regardless of gender. #2 yes I think women tend to have higher standards than men even when it’s unfair. #3 I don’t think I deserve other people’s time but it does frustrate me how difficult it is just to find a woman willing to talk to me. Tinder sucks for men and hitting on women in public is creepy. #4 not at all.