And do not accept the wolfman’s pizza! There’s more than just cheese on it.

“No! Not that! Anything but IT tickets!”

“Hahahahaha! Brenda’s homepage got changed to something other than MSN and now she thinks her internet is broken! She can’t be bothered to use the remote desktop software so YOU HAVE TO WALK TO HER DESK! She’s on the sixth floor of a different building and she leaves in 30 minutes so best hurry!”

“NOOOOOO”

“HAHAHAHA BRENDA MAKES TWICE YOUR SALARY AND SHE’LL ACT LIKE IT TOO!”

The beast cowered in fear and began to whimper. I was getting close. It was weakened. I just had to push it over the edge.

“And when you’re done helping Brenda, someone somewhere in building three accidentally plugged two ethernet outlets together, creating a loop and bringing the whole network down, AND IT’S YOUR JOB TO FIGURE OUT WHERE! HAVE FUN SEARCHING A WHOLE FLOOR FOR A ROGUE ETHERNET HUB WHILE EVERYONE SCREAMS AT YOU THAT THEY CAN’T WORK BECAUSE THE NETWORK IS DOWN!!!”

Screaming, crying in its native tongue about LACP, the beast fled into the woods. My companion was shaken, but unharmed. The rest of our trek was uneventful.