I’m not afraid of phone calls. I hate phone calls. Same way I hate boiled pizza. Makes me judge your parents for the decisions you make.
Let’s walk through the average phone call, as the technology is currently implemented and people interact with it, because my username checks the fuckout.
Phone might ring. Who fucking knows? There’s one volume rocker on the side of the phone and it controls like nine different and independent volume sliders depending on what app is in control of it this specific nanosecond, so trying to turn Tom Scott down while trying to fall asleep to Something You Mighte Naught Have Knowne, you also turned your ringer off. Shrodinger’s fucking ringtone.
Phone actually rings. It’s a number from your area code you don’t recognize, which means it’s either the local Republican wanting money, or a criminal in India.
Phone actually rings, it’s someone on your contacts list for once, so you pick up the phone. Apple patented the horizontal slide, so real phones can’t use it. Instead sometimes it’s a button and sometimes it’s a touch-here-and-slide-in-any-direction. When the phone was new you set up a “gesture” where an upward motion and placing the screen near your face would automatically answer the call…that feature might have been deprecated. Did you set it up where pushing the power button would answer the call? Nope. That just hung up on them.
Phone rings again, you do the stupid slide gesture. “Hello?” Silence. Silence. Silence. Line goes dead. Okay, this is one in three phone calls that just don’t work.
Phone rings again, stupid slide gesture. It doesn’t recognize it, you try it again, it works. “Hello?” “Hello?” “Hello?” “Ah, can you hear me?” three second pause “Yeah I can year you.” (audio quality that resembles a 90’s McDonald’s drive thru speaker that’s only been pissed in once this week)
I don’t know why I haven’t started answering the phone “what the PITY FUCK did you call me for?” Because I don’t think anything more subtle will get people to get. to. the. POINT!!!
“What’s up, Bob?” “Hey Greg, it’s uh. It’s Bob.” I knew this before I answered the phone because caller ID has been a standard feature on phones since I had my first handjob, but the lead in your synapses has prevented you from internalizing this concept. We’ll try and let it soak in for another 20 years I guess. “What’s. up. Bob?” “Uh, well, nothin much, what about you?” “WHAT’S UP BOB?” “Well uh, me and uh, me and Cindy are gonna go to the uh, the uh Chinese place and get some, like, takeout or whatever? You want anything?”
“No thanks.”
“Uh well, uh, you sure, I mean like, we can get you somethin.”
“I’m sure.”
“Well uh, okay then I guess. You been doing okay?”
“Bob I’ve got something on the stove, I’ve got to go.”
“Oh alright, well, uh, I guess I’ll let you go then, talk to ya later”
take phone away from face, wait for the screen to light up again to see where the end call button is because it’s not a fucking button anymore because the amoeba that ate Steve Jobs’ brain escaped and multiplied to the rest of the tech industry, by the time you find it, the other party hung up.
The same exchange vie phonecall:
“Dude, I’m ordering Chinese, want some?
Nah”
Would take 4 seconds, would be faster then typing. Where the fuck is the problem?
Did you not read my long and detailed comment explaining exactly where the fuck are the many problems with modern telephones, or do you just like your pizza boiled?
You removed one of the fifty or so problems by waving your hands and pretending to make everybody on the planet smarter about communicating and said “look I solved it”.
You’re all stupid. Just stupid. I lack the words to express how disappointed I am. Are you all to stupid to process spoken word so you need it written dawn?
That wouldn’t be the same exchange. The same exchange wold be 6 messages, which wold taka a lot longer than a simple call. All of Your argument are bullshit. Avery single one of them is a fault of Your stupidity, Your friends stupidity or being American. I don’t get robocalls, nobody wastes my time when calling and I never had a problem with connection quality. When I need to as somebody something I call. I’m won’t write them a message hoping that he’ll read it and bother to response. I need information now so I call now.
I’m not afraid of phone calls. I hate phone calls. Same way I hate boiled pizza. Makes me judge your parents for the decisions you make.
Let’s walk through the average phone call, as the technology is currently implemented and people interact with it, because my username checks the fuckout.
Phone might ring. Who fucking knows? There’s one volume rocker on the side of the phone and it controls like nine different and independent volume sliders depending on what app is in control of it this specific nanosecond, so trying to turn Tom Scott down while trying to fall asleep to Something You Mighte Naught Have Knowne, you also turned your ringer off. Shrodinger’s fucking ringtone.
Phone actually rings. It’s a number from your area code you don’t recognize, which means it’s either the local Republican wanting money, or a criminal in India.
Phone actually rings, it’s someone on your contacts list for once, so you pick up the phone. Apple patented the horizontal slide, so real phones can’t use it. Instead sometimes it’s a button and sometimes it’s a touch-here-and-slide-in-any-direction. When the phone was new you set up a “gesture” where an upward motion and placing the screen near your face would automatically answer the call…that feature might have been deprecated. Did you set it up where pushing the power button would answer the call? Nope. That just hung up on them.
Phone rings again, you do the stupid slide gesture. “Hello?” Silence. Silence. Silence. Line goes dead. Okay, this is one in three phone calls that just don’t work.
Phone rings again, stupid slide gesture. It doesn’t recognize it, you try it again, it works. “Hello?” “Hello?” “Hello?” “Ah, can you hear me?” three second pause “Yeah I can year you.” (audio quality that resembles a 90’s McDonald’s drive thru speaker that’s only been pissed in once this week)
I don’t know why I haven’t started answering the phone “what the PITY FUCK did you call me for?” Because I don’t think anything more subtle will get people to get. to. the. POINT!!!
“What’s up, Bob?” “Hey Greg, it’s uh. It’s Bob.” I knew this before I answered the phone because caller ID has been a standard feature on phones since I had my first handjob, but the lead in your synapses has prevented you from internalizing this concept. We’ll try and let it soak in for another 20 years I guess. “What’s. up. Bob?” “Uh, well, nothin much, what about you?” “WHAT’S UP BOB?” “Well uh, me and uh, me and Cindy are gonna go to the uh, the uh Chinese place and get some, like, takeout or whatever? You want anything?”
“No thanks.”
“Uh well, uh, you sure, I mean like, we can get you somethin.”
“I’m sure.”
“Well uh, okay then I guess. You been doing okay?”
“Bob I’ve got something on the stove, I’ve got to go.”
“Oh alright, well, uh, I guess I’ll let you go then, talk to ya later”
take phone away from face, wait for the screen to light up again to see where the end call button is because it’s not a fucking button anymore because the amoeba that ate Steve Jobs’ brain escaped and multiplied to the rest of the tech industry, by the time you find it, the other party hung up.
===
The same exchange via SMS:
“hey wer gettin chinese want some”
“nah. thx.”
“k”
The same exchange vie phonecall: “Dude, I’m ordering Chinese, want some? Nah” Would take 4 seconds, would be faster then typing. Where the fuck is the problem?
Did you not read my long and detailed comment explaining exactly where the fuck are the many problems with modern telephones, or do you just like your pizza boiled?
What does my taste in pizza has to do with this?
You removed one of the fifty or so problems by waving your hands and pretending to make everybody on the planet smarter about communicating and said “look I solved it”.
You’re all stupid. Just stupid. I lack the words to express how disappointed I am. Are you all to stupid to process spoken word so you need it written dawn?
Hey uh, are you alright?
I think that’s valid, but you have to take into account that mostly everyone isn’t as efficient on the phone as what you’ve described.
You’re the person who tells the best stories at a party, aren’t you?
And I don’t mean that as a slight against you, I greatly enjoyed reading that.
This was hilarious to read. And so accurate, thank you 😅
That wouldn’t be the same exchange. The same exchange wold be 6 messages, which wold taka a lot longer than a simple call. All of Your argument are bullshit. Avery single one of them is a fault of Your stupidity, Your friends stupidity or being American. I don’t get robocalls, nobody wastes my time when calling and I never had a problem with connection quality. When I need to as somebody something I call. I’m won’t write them a message hoping that he’ll read it and bother to response. I need information now so I call now.
Why are you bothering to lie to me?
That’s a something I find worth mentioning.
When you text, you spend more of your time, but less of the recipient’s.
When you call, you spend less of your time, but interrupt and take up more of their time.
So who’s time do you value more?