[Cheerful music starts. Camera zooms in on a fake-looking living room set. Two actors, JACKIE and DAVE, are seated on a sofa, laughing. They turn toward the camera, holding a cup of coffee.]
JACKIE (excitedly): Oh, Dave! This coffee tastes sooo amazing. What is it?
DAVE (with a wide grin): Well, Jackie, it’s not just any coffee! It’s… [holds the coffee jar dramatically up to the camera] WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG!
JACKIE (in mock disbelief): WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG, Dave? Really?
DAVE: That’s right, Jackie! The strongest and fastest instant coffee on the market!
[Cut to close-up of JACKIE taking a sip of her coffee. Her eyes widen in amazement.]
JACKIE: Mmm, Dave, it’s so bold and robust. I’ve never tasted instant coffee this good before.
DAVE (pointing to the jar): And the best part, Jackie, is that it’s ready in seconds!
[Quick montage of DAVE spooning coffee into a cup, pouring water, and stirring.]
JACKIE: Wow, Dave, that was so fast!
DAVE (nodding): Yes, Jackie! No more waiting around for your morning coffee. With WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG, you get the kick you need instantly!
[Camera pans to a group of bad actors in the background pretending to have a party. They’re all holding WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG jars and smiling awkwardly.]
PARTY GUEST #1: Hey, Jackie and Dave, thanks for introducing us to WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG!
PARTY GUEST #2: Yes, Jackie! Now my mornings are faster and more energetic, thanks to Dave and you!
JACKIE (winking at the camera): No need to thank us! Just enjoy the robust flavor and instant energy of WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG!
DAVE: And, Jackie, did you know that for a limited time, our viewers can get not one, but TWO jars of WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG for the price of one?
JACKIE (gasping): Two for the price of one, Dave? That’s unbelievable!
DAVE (pointing at the camera): That’s right, folks! Call now, and double your energy for half the price!
[Phone number flashes on the screen with images of the coffee jar.]
JACKIE: Hurry, Dave says it’s for a limited time only!
DAVE: So true, Jackie! Don’t miss out!
JACKIE & DAVE (together, holding the jar high and smiling too much): WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG – For the strong and speedy you!
[Cheerful music fades. The screen goes black with the phone number and the offer details.]
Narrator (voiceover): Call now. Offer valid while supplies last. Terms and conditions apply.
No, I have a favorite brand of coffee that I buy, so I won’t be trying this anytime soon. I had to look it up though, because I had a hard time believing it was a real thing.
Have you tried it yet? I’m interested
Not yet.
This is such a fascinating real conversation between sock puppet accounts trying to push the coffee that this ad post is all about.
[Cheerful music starts. Camera zooms in on a fake-looking living room set. Two actors, JACKIE and DAVE, are seated on a sofa, laughing. They turn toward the camera, holding a cup of coffee.]
JACKIE (excitedly): Oh, Dave! This coffee tastes sooo amazing. What is it?
DAVE (with a wide grin): Well, Jackie, it’s not just any coffee! It’s… [holds the coffee jar dramatically up to the camera] WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG!
JACKIE (in mock disbelief): WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG, Dave? Really?
DAVE: That’s right, Jackie! The strongest and fastest instant coffee on the market!
[Cut to close-up of JACKIE taking a sip of her coffee. Her eyes widen in amazement.]
JACKIE: Mmm, Dave, it’s so bold and robust. I’ve never tasted instant coffee this good before.
DAVE (pointing to the jar): And the best part, Jackie, is that it’s ready in seconds!
[Quick montage of DAVE spooning coffee into a cup, pouring water, and stirring.]
JACKIE: Wow, Dave, that was so fast!
DAVE (nodding): Yes, Jackie! No more waiting around for your morning coffee. With WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG, you get the kick you need instantly!
[Camera pans to a group of bad actors in the background pretending to have a party. They’re all holding WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG jars and smiling awkwardly.]
PARTY GUEST #1: Hey, Jackie and Dave, thanks for introducing us to WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG!
PARTY GUEST #2: Yes, Jackie! Now my mornings are faster and more energetic, thanks to Dave and you!
JACKIE (winking at the camera): No need to thank us! Just enjoy the robust flavor and instant energy of WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG!
DAVE: And, Jackie, did you know that for a limited time, our viewers can get not one, but TWO jars of WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG for the price of one?
JACKIE (gasping): Two for the price of one, Dave? That’s unbelievable!
DAVE (pointing at the camera): That’s right, folks! Call now, and double your energy for half the price!
[Phone number flashes on the screen with images of the coffee jar.]
JACKIE: Hurry, Dave says it’s for a limited time only!
DAVE: So true, Jackie! Don’t miss out!
JACKIE & DAVE (together, holding the jar high and smiling too much): WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG – For the strong and speedy you!
[Cheerful music fades. The screen goes black with the phone number and the offer details.]
Narrator (voiceover): Call now. Offer valid while supplies last. Terms and conditions apply.
Now I need to watch that ad. Thanks for putting the time to write that out.
You think people are really trying to use Lemmy to advertise?
Absolutely. You’re commenting in an ad post right now.
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No, I have a favorite brand of coffee that I buy, so I won’t be trying this anytime soon. I had to look it up though, because I had a hard time believing it was a real thing.