Like usually every minute I’d quickly look around to make sure there aren’t weirdos following me.
For context: I’m a young-adult male, but I don’t exactly have training in martial arts or anything, so I’m every time I see anyone that looks “tough” I don’t feel safe.
When I was a kid, my parents told me the usual “stranger danger” talk. Also in movies and tv, there are usualy a lot of plot involving peoppe getting followed, and the victim never looks back. In crime stories, and in the news, people usually become a victim if a bad person follows them home.
So when I went to school as a kid/teen, I’d always be scanning my surroundings like very often, especially when nearing home, I’d be like looking around every 20 seconds to see if there’s weirdos following.
Even as a young adult, I kinda still have this instinct. I mean, we hear about crime everywhere. I don’t exactly live in a “slum”, but I live in a big city, and more people generally means more crime, and statistically, crime is sort of an issue where I live, I mean, it’a a city, you know how it is. This is in the US btw.
I don’t carry a gun, don’t wanna have intrusive thoughts about killing myself so I don’t want that, so I carry pepper spray just in case.
I mean, I’m probably not gonna change my behavior, I think its good to be cautious, this question is just me trying to see if there’s anyone else out there think thinks like me.
I don’t. I do make sure I’m not in a way of anyone. And I walk on purpose. I do check before opening/getting in the car.
Depends on the circumstances. If I’m walking on a street or neighborhood someone told me they got mugged on I’ll be way more aware and observant than otherwise. Same if I’m walking in nature it’s good to look behind regularly to be familiar with how the trail looks both ways so you don’t get turned around on the way back or if there are large predators in the area. If I’m walking around my neighborhood I’ll be much more selective about when I’m more observant because I know where the poorly lit areas and blind corners are, and more so at 2am than 2pm.
Speaking of mugging, someone snatched a few hundred dollars from my mom when she was about to deposit it in the bank. Happened just a few blocks from my house. Perhaps that was subconciously in the back of my mind.
Dell your perception is not that greate as you have yet to spot me whenever I follow you
Look at it like driving - you should be looking as far down the road as you can for “threats”, and maintaining awareness of other cars and their behaviour all around you, and behind you, so you can predict what they’re going to do.
We teach “Defensive Driving”, which includes avoiding risky situations - don’t let yourself get boxed in, watch for that car driving… assertively, and create a space for them to go so they don’t cause problems for the rest of them, etc.
Rest of life is not really different - situational awareness is the primary tool for our safety. Don’t step into the street without looking, don’t walk under that ladder or scaffolding (things fall from work sites all the time), walk through the yard with the barking dog, etc.
Threats from people just become part of your overall situational awareness.
I recommend the book “The Gift of Fear” By Gavin deBecker. He essentially espouses the usefulness of fear and situational awareness.
Maybe this will help you reframe what seems paranoid fear into something more reasonable and useful.
Edit: The big thing is to engage in the society around you. If you’re engaged, you’re part of it all, people are aware of you. We actually get the word “idiot” from the Greeks - it was the term they used to describe people who didn’t engage in the “polis” (society) - it meant someone not involved, not skilled at this (or other skills). So don’t be an idiōtēs, engage with people!
As a woman, yes, especially at night, because I value my life.
I’ve been punched in the face by passers-by without any provocation in my life before, which has led to me constantly being vigilant.
Bruh wtf
Not a good time. Definitely one of those loss of innocence moments. I used to stride fearlessly through the city in the middle of the night, and I have not quite gotten that back yet. It’s better, but not the same.
Nope. I always have a weapon on me (stun gun usually), and that makes me feel more secure.
Situational awareness is the best weapon anyone can have.
Having a weapon but no situational awareness diminishes the usefulness of any weapon, significantly. While I carry a tool that could double as a weapon, I’d really, really, really, like to never have to use it in defense. I’d much rather maintain awareness and avoid potential conflicts.
I’d rather identify a threat well in advance, and avoid it, then rely on defending myself with a weapon because I wasn’t paying attention.
This gives off “I trained with the blade…” Kind of vibes.
Situational awareness is the best weapon anyone can have.
Sure friend. Thank you.
You’re not cautious, you’re paranoid and fearful to the point it’s a bit concerning for your mental health (although the suicidal ideation tells me the whole situation is more than just a bit concerning). You know this ain’t normal, you know that’s not how people are meant to live their lives, you know this cannot continue for long before you either snap at/hurt someone who didn’t mean any harm or your mind breaks.
I know living in the USA cannot help your mental stability but it’s not a favela, it really ain’t that dangerous. Maybe moving to a smaller city or a town would work? Sometimes it’s easier to change our circumstances than to change ourselves, and sometimes the former allows the letter as well.
He isn’t paranoid and fearful. He just accidently created a benign habit.
Benign? The man cannot be outside without being in constant fear!
Yes. Always. I even make sure I’m listening to audio books so I can hear.
Is this sarcasm? Lol
Nope, paranoia.
Depends? Shady part of the city, late night, slightly drunk and alone? Absolutely. Going for lunch in a nic small town? Absolutely not. The street sign I run into would probably tell me it’s sorry.
So, yeah, depends on the situation. I’ve had most negative interactions either in crowds or at places like train stations, so that is where I am most paranoid
train stations
Oh yea that’s terrifying. I usually stand as far away from the edge as possible. In NYC, people would push you into an oncoming subway-train. Idk wtf is wrong with people.
Oh wow. I was referring to aggressive beggars or pickpockets. That seems like a whole different category of problems.
Being aware of your surroundings, regardless of a “safe” or “dangerous” place is just street smarts. However, you may not realize that looking around every minute makes you look scared and people who want to victimize you will catch on to that fear and target you. And other people, that are not trying to harm you, will think there is something wrong with you and avoid you as the “danger stranger”. I would suggest being more calm, use your ears as well as your eyes, and look a little less often. “Blend in” is the safe way to move through an area.
Did you ever find anyone was following you? Or ever heard of a friend who was followed?
It surely happens but so do meteorite impacts and such cases make news because they’re special. If it’s not showing up in regional statistics (the nearest couple million people or so) and you don’t even know a friend of a friend for whom checking would have been useful, I’d say it’s unnecessary in the place where you are
Nope. Grew up in a pretty rough town and you kinda know a lot of the undesirables. I’ve been alive for over 40 years and only once confronted in the street.
I’ll take walks home in the early hours of the morning (02:00) through very dark secluded areas.
Now if there was a pattern of people being attacked here, then I’d be taking a different route but I tend not to worry about things like this as it’s incredibly rare and the stress of worrying probably does more damage to your health than a would be attacker.
Edit: Have an example from a few days ago. Me and a couple of friends went for a smoke and a walk through a Forrest in pitch black with a flash light and I was more concerned with the bugs getting in my sliders than being murdered 😂.
being murdered
Not really just about that tho. People are weird. Lead poisoning in my area is common. Lead poisoning cause agrressive behaviors. Even to this day, there are still lead paint still in some houses. Only take one person to randonly punch you in the face and your day is ruined. (Hasn’t happened yet, hopefully never will)
People can be weird but spending time worrying about something so unlikely is a waste imo.
As a woman, constantly
As a woman, you should.
You shouldn’t have to, either.
Nah save your energy. You’ll almost certainly know your rapist and it’ll be in private.
Statistically, yes. 90% known means that 1 in 10 rapes are by strangers.
I would not play Russian Roulette even if the revolver had 10 cylinders.
Nah. Freaking out over low risk events is called anxiety.
Very very few people are just raped on the street.
1 in 5 women have been victims of attempted or completed rape. 10% are by strangers, so 1 in 50 women in the US have been raped by strangers. There are 167.84 million females in the US. That means 3.34 million women in the US have been raped by strangers.
Your definition of “very very few” is much different than mine.
So well well under 1% and of those occurrences you still haven’t accounted for walking home on a street. 👌👍
As a big, scary-looking dude, I hate going out in public because I know I freak solitary women out. I feel like I should wear a shirt that says “I apologize for being here,” or something. I’m sorry the world is this way. Y’all deserve peace and security.
Is there anything people like me can do to assure those around us that we are not the ones to fear? Like, is there a tattoo I can get or a hat I can wear or something? I wish rapers and miscreants had a distinctive look that us regular folk could avoid.
Of course, I currently look like Harry Henderson with a septum piercing, so I guess probably a shave could help, but I really like my beard. It’s my security blankie :-[
I think the big thing is engaging with people.
I’m average size, but historically have RBF, so to counter it I try to engage with people.
Eye contact is huge. We can tell you’re friendly from that alone (when it’s done in a friendly way, not the staring down kind, haha).
I have a couple big friends, and it’s easy to tell which are friendly by how they carry themselves (they’re both friendly, one just comes across more friendly). It’s interesting to watch.
You may not be black, but I think this still applies: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYhXXRXiJBU
Damn, that’s good 😆
The “alt” style helps a lot, actually (ime). I trust metal head-looking dudes over frat boy-looking dudes 1000% but that’s anecdotal
I was a bouncer for years, I’d take a metal night over a pop / frat crowd any time. Polo shirt and chinos, watch your drink ladies.
Honestly nail polish too. Cis men are usually too afraid to wear any, so when they do it’s often a good sign. Bonus points if it isn’t black
Hell yeah, nice. That makes me feel a little better.
I usually make a point to take off my hood if I have one on, and generally lift my head and maybe give them a nod/smile, or otherwise indicate that “I’ve seen you, and I’m letting you see my face clearly”. If we’re alone in a dark, empty place at night, I’ll also make a point to cross the street away from them.
I’ve talked to some women about how they prefer men to act, and they generally said they think what I do is decent. Of course, that’s reliant on the whole “make eye-contact, nod, smile, and wave”-thing being done in a disarming and “I’m friendly and I see you, and I’m going to mind my own business”-way, and not a creepy way.
Just ignore us. Consistent eye contact, staring, or obviously paying a lot of unwarranted attention to us is way more threatening than just being big or burly.
So you mean I have to act like a normal human being? Fuck. I’m too curious and autistic for that. Are you sure there’s not a hat I can wear?
There’s a hat for the opposite of this. This isn’t fair.
(Mostly joking)
Spacial awareness is good to have no matter who you are or what your situation is. What’s not good is being constantly worried or paranoid.
I look for lots of things. Who’s in the area, what’s in the area and what are different ways to get out if I need to. But I’m not specifically on the lookout for weirdos, as in, I’m constantly worried they’ll be there or anything. If I notice someone sus I keep tabs on them until I don’t think it’s a threat.
One night I was out walking my dog, who was still under a year old (he was already a big dog though), and a guy is walking in the opposite direction. I see him coming but he’s got a hoodie on and pulled up over his head, ducked in a way that I can’t see his face. My radar didn’t go off, but I made sure to watch him out of the corner of my eye as we passed each other. Then, he turns and heads straight for me.
So, I turned towards him and put my hands up. I couldn’t outrun him with my dog, and I figured once I started making a commotion my dog might help out.
It turned out to be my (now-ex) fiance playing a trick on me, seeing what I would do. Once he saw me square up he threw back his hood and gave me a lecture on how I should have ran.Fucking asshole behavior, but I guess now I know what I’d do in that situation.
Anyway, no one’s ever done that to me since, but I still keep my wits about me. I also don’t think I’m constantly going to be followed by creepers either.
