I find waiting for things physically exhausting. Waiting in lines, waiting sitting in a room, waiting on friends to decide what they want to eat, walking really slowly with an elderly relative: I find it all physically exhausting even though very little physical energy is required.
If I’m where I need to be to wait, and I’ve done everything I can do, waiting is calm. I do nothing now but wait and read my phone or a magazine. I have done all things I an meant to do, nothing is required of me but for someone else to do their job.
I do get annoyed if it’s an hour plus wait and well after the time my appointment is meant to be, but not really physically upset. Mentally annoyed.
Oh yeah for me it’s like I’ve allocated this much time and resource to something and having those estimations extend indefinitely everytime my estimation’s wrong. Like even if I know it’s a 30 minute wait, my brain only allocates 30 minutes of waiting, if that gets extended I already went through with what I’m willing to allocate :P
Keeping a few basic time wasting games on my phone takes care of it for me.
I used to, but I learned to close my eyes and either meditate on my breath, or repeat a mantra in my head.
Now, waiting is an opportunity to calm my mind and quiet my brain.
I don’t find it physically exhausting but definitely mentally and spiritually draining. (“Hurry up and wait” in particular is a rage-triggering thing for me.) I learned to adapt by always carrying a book with me that I can pull out and start reading while others around me dither and force waiting periods.
Oh yeah. I’m diagnosed with adhd and waiting is actually physically painful, which isn’t something most people understand, I guess?
I find I can generally wait, but I experience pain when a group decision can’t be made. Just pick one already. We’re not disarming a bomb, we’re trying to get some dinner.
It’s something I’ve been training myself on. Instead of going for my phone, just be bored. Sometimes a lack of dopamine makes the dopamine you do get that much better.
I’d had intermittent success with that. The bigger problem is I can’t properly develop habits. So I’ll be good about avoid distractions for a week or two then my focus shifts to some other interest and I’ve forgotten to avoid the dopamine box
Also diagnosed, also experiencing the same. Was always chronically late for everything growing up because my aversion for waiting made me want to leave as little margins as possible, but my poor grasp of time led to me always misjudging.
Yes, but it’s likely due to how we use our bodies in a manner that we don’t really like, partially because we’re on the alert for the waiting to end. Doing something you’ve chosen to do feels better.
Also, the environment plays a role. It feels more shit to pay a lot of attention to a shitty environment. Same thing as how walkable neighborhoods are usually interesting, while us-style car-brained areas feel like shit to walk or even just exist in, because you’re not actually meant to stay there long enough to notice anything.
Not at all, I’m always jumping from thing to thing, and to have space for some time to think and reflect is calming
For me it isn’t the waiting, it’s the “being around people” part that is physically draining.
I am happy to wait in a Zoom waiting room for example, because I can do it at home all alone.
Have you ever tried meditation? Great for waiting.
I did regular meditation for a year and a half or so (now more intermittent) but never mastered the kind you can do with your eyes open. I do enjoy a walking meditation though.
A really good suggestion (which won’t have the desired result for everyone).
Personally, I find meditating makes my anxiety really bad. Like almost immediately. I wish I was joking, but I’m not, I’ve tried all kinds, guided, monaural, free-form…sitting with my thoughts is just really bad for my mental health, oddly.
Every therapist and GP I’ve mentioned this to has laughed and said, “yeah, that’s one thing they don’t tell you, meditation and self-care aren’t synonymous for everyone. For some it will make things much worse, especially if you try to force it. If that’s the case, don’t do it any more.”
For me, trying to combat the negative self-talk and bad thought patterns is so much more helpful than sitting down and forcing myself to be still when that’s the last thing my body and mind want to do.
I’ve kind of grown up with it. I recommend anyone try three minutes at the same time AM/PM, normally 7:00 / 19:00. It’s only six minutes a day. Use a timer and spend a few seconds making sure it’s started or you’ll spend the session wondering if it’s actually going. Because it’s such a short time, it give people a chance to see how it works for them. Like you say, there’s no universal solutions. What works for one might be harmful to another. Like marathon running is great for fitness but will do harm to one not prepared for it.
I’ve tried off and on, myriad types and duration for over a decade, not just for my ADHD, but because I’m a seriously anxious person with some complex-af PTSD. But also because doctors kept harping on me for not “doing enough mindfulness”.
I tried a minute a day for several months after three was too much, but only made it through 30 days before I had to stop even that.
This is especially true for people with PTSD/cPTSD/depression/AuADHD, but if meditation makes your mental health worse, don’t keep doing it. Seriously. Talk to someone about it.
For me, it makes everything worse. I feel like this is something people should know to watch out for, especially in the modern times of “mindfulness” being tossed around like it’s a positive for everyone. It isn’t. Some of us spend way too much time ruminating as it is, and need to spend more time working on how we think rather than how much.
I’ve just finished “The Body Keeps the Score” which gave me some interesting insights into cPTSD. It did mention mindfluness but also covered a bunch of other options to approach treatment. Good luck and best wishes for your future health.
So, for me, by default: yes. It’s because my brain and body like to be going going going non-stop all the time.
However, I’ve noticed that i feel significantly better when waiting if i stop, recognize there’s nothing i can do, and actively decide to accept it and slow down.
It’s like i have to create mental separation between ‘states’ so that i can make the shift between them.You might give that a try?
I’ll give that a try next time! I’ve sort of made progress on a similar technique for social anxiety (stop, breathe, tell myself no one is spending serious thought on judging me).
Yes, exactly! That’s where i got that thinking from. lol
Used to be, but not since smartphones were invented.
