transcript
A book with the title "I didn’t touch the computer, it just stopped working And Other Hilarious Jokes you Can Tell Someone from the IT Department.
You didn’t change anything?
No.
Where do you use it?
On my lap in the den.
When was the last time you vacuumed?
???
(Time to disassemble and apply compressed air…)
“It was working yesterday!” Is my favourite.
Things usually are working right before they stop working.
Why is it that cars breaking down has been normalised as just the natural behaviour of vehicles and then you ask the mechanic for help but computers break down and people act like IT personally came into your office to take a piss through the vent directly onto the motherboard?
“It was working yesterday” implies there were no issues before it stopped working. It’s a valid statement.
Have you ever walked a trading floor with IT? The horror stories… “That guy didn’t know what I meant by CD drive until I showed him and he said 'oh! The coffee mug holder?? '” or “no, really, look, just took a bump right under the desk” or better “under that desk? Had to swap machines… rotting barf from God knows when”
To be fair, on my work computer, 99% of my issues are related to botched updates running in the background without my knowledge, consent, or input.
Sketchy CMD scripts run in the background, all the fans spin up, then the drivers just randomly give up and bring the whole system down with it.
100% of the issues on my personal system are self inflicted.
I take responsibility for ~2% of the issues on my work system.
on my work computer, 99% of my issues are related to botched updates running in the background without my knowledge
I take responsibility for ~2% of the issues on my work system
Congrats on having 101% of your issues :)
means approximately 2 percent. So still right.Sometimes math is hard.
Also sometimes I take responsibility for fucking up silent updates - I hear the fan spinning up but I still feel the need to reboot just to settle things down.
100% of the issues on my personal system are self inflicted.
Are you one of those “No backup, no mercy”-folks? /j
Some of them are self-fixed, but I have a habit of hitting update without reading the breaking changes.
That said, crashes on my personal system are much fewer and farther between.
Not an IT, a friend onced told me their phone was getting hot and draining battery fast from last night. Naturally I asked if they installed any new apps or changed settings couple of times and the answer was clear no.
I checked the apps list and saw an obviously sus app (might be miner). I asked from when they had that app and they said ‘why? I installed it last night’.
That was the kind of app you get clicking ‘horny milves in your area’ ads.
milves
Mother I Like (very extra sexy)Pretty sure the plural of MILF is MILFs
If we go by the acronym and change mother to mothers, then the plural of MILF could be MILF.
My mom complained that her phone drains the battery from 100 to 20 in like 5 hours. I asked if she had installed something stupid, answer was obviously a no. Checked her apps and there was some gif keyboards and emoji keyboards and at least 3 different mirror apps and all kinds of garbage…
I love that… …milves.
Story time: I’ve had my work laptop replaced three times in the past two years because of persistent crashes under load. We tried replacing a lot of stuff, uninstalled all kinds of software etc., nothing helped. Turns out they’d remotely installed some utility about five years ago that controls fan speeds. That has been installed on each new machine because it was in my profile. When I checked, I found out that this thing hadn’t been updated in three years and was likely not compatible with my current hardware. Uninstalled it, never had problems since. So yeah, that was fun. At least I got a new laptop out of it.
Just put in a ticket. SLA is 3 days, see you in 2 weeks, but only because your boss got involved. God I hate the IT department.
As someone working in the IT department, I can tell you a secret:
We can sense when someone doesn’t appreciate us and we let them wait longer on purpose 🙂
No, it’s everyone where I work.
if everywhere smells like shit you should probably check your shoe
Did you implement a change last night?
No.
Did you implement a change last night?
No.
Did you implement a change last night?
…Yes
You say that… but I’ve seen things stop working on their own all the time
If you poison somebody and they make it a couple miles down the road before Keeling over you still poisoned them
If you’re using pretty much any modern software it will perform updates without your consent. If that results in driver issues then no, it’s in no way your fault.
