First date. Met through a dating app, circa 2010. She’s telling me how much she hates Apple, but when she buys a smartphone she might choose that one. And by the way what do I do?

Me: I work on the iPhone at Apple.

She was super embarrassed and we had a good laugh.

It’s not so much karma as a funny story that I couldn’t believe was happening cause that’s the kind of shit you see in a movie or on tv. It was the best moment I’ve ever had on a first date.

We dated on and off for a couple of years and then remained friends until she moved across the country to be closer to her family.

Heh.

Bouncer story!

Usual background: my most stable side gig was bouncing. My favorite place to work was a drag club. But, being in the south in the nineties, in a city not exactly keeping up with social changes, that could be a dangerous place.

So, one night, we had a rough batch of assholes trying to cause trouble. They weren’t initially doing anything super bad, just screaming slurs and being douches as they’d drive by.

But they started throwing shit.

The owner had put up a chain link fence that was high as hell, so most things people threw didn’t make it over, since they didn’t stop and throw because that would take courage. But bottles would sometimes shatter against it and spray through.

Sometimes, though, they didn’t :)

This night was in winter, which factors in later.

They had been getting to get bottles over a few times. Enough that we had called the cops, and been told we’d get someone “eventually”, which usually meant not until someone had escalated to felonies, because fuck the gays, right?

But they decided to come up over the curb and get closer, then throw. It almost made it over, but instead bounced off and hit the fucker in the truck bed upside his face.

I’m busting a gut laughing at them. This pisses allll of them off, and two decide to get out and come around the fence.

In winter. After sleet. At night, when there had been melting and refreezing. The one in cowboy boots busted his ass first. Which had me and the entire outdoor staff losing it. Because what moron is going to wear boots like that when there’s ice everywhere?

Anyway, he plays it smart, and decides to fuck off once he’s upright again and off the ice.

His buddy, not so smart. But he was wearing better boots. So he didn’t slip until he tried throwing a bottle. When he did, he busted his ass, slammed his head on the cement, then broke the bottle and got his hand cut up.

Which, I’m still laughing, but I asked if he needed help anyway, because that’s what you do.

He cussed at me a bit, but said yes because his buddies in the truck weren’t budging to help him.

So, he had to get bandaged up by a dude that he’d been trying to throw shit at and was calling slurs just a few minutes earlier. Asked him if he wanted an ambulance, he said no. Told him to take his ass to the ER because he needed stitches.

At that point, I think he got the idea that he wasn’t going to get the kind of reaction he wanted, because he actually said thank you and walked away with a wave.

Still one of the funniest things I saw at that job.

There’s other instant karma stories from my bouncing days, but i don’t wanna blow them all in one thread lol.