Hey everyone,
I‘m having a very big dilemma currently.
I‘m a 21 yo transfem from Germany. I‘m recently been diagnosed with OCD, mainly ROCD, have ADHD, atypical autism and a tick disorder. On top of that, my therapist told me that it might be possible I have borderline personality disorder, either with or without OCD.
Now, I‘m currently at a point in life where I have never been. I just feel so drained. I have a wonderful life with my wonderful gf and have a great Job. Thing is, I work in IT-Consulting and that shit can be really stressful at times, especially with ADHD.
Last week on Friday, I had the biggest mental breakdown I‘ve ever had. I was just screaming inside for all my pain to end and I was not comfortable to be left alone, so I went with my gf to her therapy appointment, where her therapist also mentioned going to a clinic. On Monday, I actually went. It was okay, but they couldn’t do more than crisis intervention.
Now, I‘ve called in sick for this week. But I don‘t know If I can currently continue working. Just thinking about working again, even though I literally work from home, is so freaking stressful to me :( I don‘t know if I‘m actually mentally drained or if that‘s just me fearing work or whatever.
I don‘t know what to do. I just want to feel better long term :c
Thank you for reading my rant and advice seeking beautiful people :3
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i would suggest not seeking “am i stable” on the internet.
ask people you know in person
i don’t know what advice i could offer, i fear that’s up to you to think about. but though i may be an Internet stranger - i wish you well, and hope you find a way forward that allows you to thrive, or at the very least i hope you have a lovely day so you can rest and regain some strenght
Thank you for your kind words, friendly internet stranger :3
Well, I don’t think that can be called stable, no.
But that doesn’t mean you’re at a point where you need to withdraw from anything big yet. That is certainly an option, but not immediately necessary.
You’re taking time off, so take that time. Once you’re a day or two from returning, evaluate yourself again.
The main job I used to do was stressful and prone to people burning out at a high rate, so I know exactly where you’re coming from. Little breaks line you’re taking can be enough to reset your state of being.
One piece of advice if you decide to stay, and if you don’t already do so, make sure you have a dedicated work space. A lot of folks that work from home do it anywhere in their home, and that allows anywhere in your home to become linked to the stress of work.
We all need time off and time away from our jobs. When those jobs are stressful the need to actively plan time off as a regular part of our routine becomes vital. We have to know that there’s a relief time coming, or it’s much easier to fall into that dread of going to work.
With our primary language not being the same, allow me to expand a little, since it might not be obvious. Time off of work just means, in this case, not being on duty, not doing the work itself. Time away is about not carrying the job with us. It’s time to not think about work, not do work related things. That first part, not thinking about work, is harder because we only have so much control over what our brains think about.
If you can’t stop thinking about work, it’s probably time to contact your therapist, or find one. No matter what you decide about your job, when you lose the ability to enjoy life and think of other things without work thoughts intruding, that’s a start to a spiral, where things just keep getting worse without intervention.
I can’t help in any way sadly. But I wish you the best, and hope your pain is eased eventually.
Honestly, i don’t know if much of use can help you unfortunately. Maybe make you feel better for a day, but talk to someone in real life - they will do much more than we can
Good day (and good weekend too!)
Don’t let your diagnoses define you. You’re no less of a person than you were the day before your diagnoses. See it as an opportunity to have better understanding of yourself and your inner workings.
That said, at least here in the US, if you find that you don’t feel comfortable with your mental state, go to a hospital. They’re equipped to deal with many kinds of crises, and can help you get through it.
