Assuming this is genuine- thank you! I’m by absolutely no fucking means a professional writer, but it has long been a side-passion of mine. I wrote this between workout sets while sitting on my bench. I actually forgot I wrote it, but I’m glad someone enjoyed it.

(If Coca-Cola or Levi Strauss would like to hire me, I am willing to write the exact opposite of the above for a small six figure salary. Send dms!)