My ex-wifes dog is dying. It’s old. She emotionally can’t handle the steps involved with that. She called me.
I grew up on a farm. I love animals but death was just part of life. I’ve had pets I loved get hit by cars, accidentally shot by hunters (on our land illegally), bitten by snakes… Plus there were lots of pets that stupid people dump in the country (“Fido will hunt rabbits or some nice farmer will take him” no he won’t. Fido will slowly starve in the wild and get very mean/crazy, then get shot when he attacks me. Just have the dog put down, dumping the dog isn’t better it just makes 10 year old me do what you couldn’t).
Anyway my ex-wife calls me because she can’t handle it and I can.
The problem is that I’ve slipped up a couple times and said “it” or “the dog” instead of “him” or “Toasty”.
I understand that it is insensitive and hurtful, Ive absolutely been trying to avoid that since I first came over. However it’s also insensitive and hurtful to call me bad for not getting emotionally attached to the dog at this point in its life. It’s dying.
I’m taking care of it. I’m using all my farm skills and animal knowledge to be sure it’s not dying from a disease, bacteria, or injury that I can fix or cure. I’m making food for it that is easier to eat so I can know for sure when the dog starts choosing not to eat vs having difficulty eating. When/if the time comes where the dog doesn’t want to continue, I’ll handle those steps and give it a burial.
If I was a monster I wouldn’t help at all or just come over, shoot it, bag it, and trash it. I’m giving this animal every chance and looking for the moment when it gives up. I’m not cold. It’s just a bad time to make friendship bracelets with the dog. It’s a dying dog. I don’t need to get more attached, I need to keep emotional distance to make good choices for the best interest of the animal.
That’s exactly why I was called in the first place. That doesn’t make me a monster.
Edit: before the “take it to the vet!” Comments. Our daughter is a vet. She said the same things I did. It’s probably going to die. When it stops eating and gives up, put it down.
I don’t think you’re a monster – I think what you’re doing is noble and deserves recognition. Often I have had to be a supportive friend in difficult pet health situations, so I absolutely know what it feels like.
However, I do question why you refer to Toasty as “it”. I understand you’re trying to distance yourself to lessen the emotional impact. However, if it were you taking care of her grandmother in her final days, would it be acceptable to refer to her as “it”?
I also do have to question why the final step is shooting the dog. I could see if you don’t have funds for euthanasia, however there are a fair number of clinics and shelters out there that will do a free euthanasia if you explain the situation. I understand if that isn’t feasible but I urge you to consider euthanasia.
Either way, I’m glad he’s being taken care of in his final days. It’s what every animal deserves, and it shows you care on some level, even if you are trying to deny that feeling. I hope you can both find some easing of tension in this incredibly stressful situation. Thank you for caring.
Yeah that what she’s getting on to me about.
If it was my grandma I wouldnt call her it but I would find someone else to do this… If I was doing this for someone else’s grandma I’d call her “the patient”
It’s just keeping emotional distance. You have to. I wasn’t considering shooting toasty. I have access to the clinical ways myself but the dog died on its own and it wasn’t necessary.
But I do want to explain shooting isn’t as cruel as it sounds. In the country the way we’d explain it is simply “you can make it easy on you, or easy on the animal.”
All the quick and painless ways sound horrible to hear about… But they are quick and painless. The clean ways aren’t so quick or painless for the animal. I live in the city and shooting toasty wouldn’t have happened either way. I’m just saying it’s quick and painless.
Edit: a quick example. When my daughter (who is now a vet) wanted a snake we got her one. Even tho I hate snakes because I got bitten by a copperhead. I was showing her how to feed the snake. You smack the mouse hard against the table then put it in. She was horrified. I get it. However it’s like “you wanted a snake. The snake needs to eat. If you don’t want to kill/stun the mouse than it will be fully awake and aware as it’s bones are crushed by the snake. It’ll also scratch and claw at the snake hurting it. Both animals suffer more. So you smack the mouse hard against the table instead.” That’s my point. You can make it easier on yourself but that isn’t making it easier on the animal.