My ex-wifes dog is dying. It’s old. She emotionally can’t handle the steps involved with that. She called me.
I grew up on a farm. I love animals but death was just part of life. I’ve had pets I loved get hit by cars, accidentally shot by hunters (on our land illegally), bitten by snakes… Plus there were lots of pets that stupid people dump in the country (“Fido will hunt rabbits or some nice farmer will take him” no he won’t. Fido will slowly starve in the wild and get very mean/crazy, then get shot when he attacks me. Just have the dog put down, dumping the dog isn’t better it just makes 10 year old me do what you couldn’t).
Anyway my ex-wife calls me because she can’t handle it and I can.
The problem is that I’ve slipped up a couple times and said “it” or “the dog” instead of “him” or “Toasty”.
I understand that it is insensitive and hurtful, Ive absolutely been trying to avoid that since I first came over. However it’s also insensitive and hurtful to call me bad for not getting emotionally attached to the dog at this point in its life. It’s dying.
I’m taking care of it. I’m using all my farm skills and animal knowledge to be sure it’s not dying from a disease, bacteria, or injury that I can fix or cure. I’m making food for it that is easier to eat so I can know for sure when the dog starts choosing not to eat vs having difficulty eating. When/if the time comes where the dog doesn’t want to continue, I’ll handle those steps and give it a burial.
If I was a monster I wouldn’t help at all or just come over, shoot it, bag it, and trash it. I’m giving this animal every chance and looking for the moment when it gives up. I’m not cold. It’s just a bad time to make friendship bracelets with the dog. It’s a dying dog. I don’t need to get more attached, I need to keep emotional distance to make good choices for the best interest of the animal.
That’s exactly why I was called in the first place. That doesn’t make me a monster.
Edit: before the “take it to the vet!” Comments. Our daughter is a vet. She said the same things I did. It’s probably going to die. When it stops eating and gives up, put it down.
You are doing the rights things even if they are misunderstood, and I’m sure Toasty appreciates your care.
Emotionally I like to think so. I made a bed out of a laundry basket for him. Very soft and fluffy. I wish my bed were that comfortable.
Realistically I’m aware at this stage there is no awareness. I explained that to my brother when my father died. He was upset my father was gasping for breath at the end. It was really bothering him. My sister and I explained “he’s is completely unaware that he’s gasping. It’s just reflexes. There is no pain or discomfort because he’s already gone.”
Again I understand how someone can view that type of talk as “cold” but I don’t see it that way. I see it as a relief. This is all normal, it looks bad and horrible to us, their mind is flooded with all the happy chemicals it’s been storing for a rainy day. All at once. They are experiencing happiness that we will never experience until our own end. The best dream they have ever dreamt. They aren’t here anymore. They are in their minds “last meal”. The happiest, best, most pleasurable moment anyone can ever experience.
I still made a comfortable bed for the dog, so that it’s comfy at the end, even though I know the dog is beyond that. The body is just winding down. Toasty is already gone.