*Edit: JFC, I’ve been physically ill at the thought that I was just trying to justify choosing something that was just shitty behavior. I haven’t even been all that comfortable talking to my therapist about it as much as I’ve needed to. And reading every single response (so far)… well i’m in literal tears over the relief I feel not being alone in thought. Thank you. *
To clarify, they want me to use the money to buy a duplex / other property for me take care of (for the entire place) and to renovate and to live in, while renting out the other unit/room/whathaveyou so that I don’t have to worry about property taxes or the basic necessities of life.
(feel free to ignore this paragraph explaining my anxities and ignorance)The entire topic of inheritance and the circumstances leading to one has caused several of my worst panic attacks when it has been brought up in the past. (Bad enough to require medication assistance to regulate) And thankfully, this family member was aware and stopped bringing it up as they were in the habit of doing. Over the last 2 years I’ve come a long way with my issue and getting help fortunately, which has proven to be useful in this context recently. Their health recently took a scary decline, I’ve been able to regulate myself in the discussions that have followed, within reason.
I haven’t yet been capable of asking the specifics on how much money it will be, or if there will be any trusts or whatever etc. And honestly, I don’t think I’ll be able to in the near future. But the way they talk about it, it sounds as though it will be enough to at (at least almost) pay for a small duplex type of situation.
I’m currently unhoused, and have been for over a year, so there is no love of capitalism in me, much less any desire to “be a landlord”. I feel very ethically convicted against becoming what I think of when I think of Landlords, even one of those local 2-3 property owning ones.
Unfortunately I feel that clashing with the rest of values surrounding honoring the wishes of what is currently my last surviving relative (who I still remain in contact with and love dearly). Not to mention whatever might be a part of any legal stuff pertaining to her will. (which I know hardly anything about and still makes me panicked just typing about)
My main question:
Is it ethical to own a property that I live in, provide the standard maintenance for, and work on renovating… and also rent out part of it?
I value my ethics, and part of that has always been assessing the nuances thoughtfully. When I think about the specifics of this, I find difficulty in framing that situation as the role of a landlord. Landlord being defined, at least the way I think about what a landlord is / the way other people use it.
My followup question:
Is anyone who is paid money that is for sure another person’s “rent money” considered a landlord, regardless of it being the only property they own? Even if they also live there?
*Edit 2: for only those in such a position, I have no shame sharing this link since the 1st time was many months ago https://gofund.me/9bd76285 *
This shit gives me real, lasting panic, so I actually want other peoples ethical discussion. I’ve reached the limits of my current strength, but don’t want to be caught with pants down should they pass soon.
The most important ethical obligation you have right now is assuring your family member that you are going to be alright after their passing. It’s clear that your family member is worried by your situation and is hoping that the inheritance they leave behind will materially better it. You don’t necessarily have to lie to them and promise to do exactly what they request, but you can at least agree to give it serious consideration and look into the specifics. More importantly you can assure them that you will work hard to be responsible with your inheritance, assure them that it will make a substantive positive difference in your life, and tell them how much it means to you that they care about you so much. Make sure that you’re spending your remaining time together focused on the moment and not either of your hypothetical futures.
After (my condolences in advance) your loved one’s passing, your most pressing ethical obligation will be honoring their wishes. I know it feels like that means becoming a landlord, but it sounds pretty clear to me that their true wish is that you achieve financial security. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t manage a rental property (more on that in a moment), but it could mean anything that provides for your future so long as you earnestly try to use the money responsibly towards that end. I doubt your loved one would be as upset at you learning a new trade or opening a small business that allowed you to provide for yourself as they would be if you became a landlord and lived the rest of your days in financially secure misery. Now is the time to take a look at the price of the low end of rental properties you could run while living in and ask yourself what you could responsibly do with that money to ensure your future stability. That is what your loved one truly wants.
As for being a landlord, it can absolutely be done ethically. I don’t ever aspire to own regardless of home prices and having the landlord live on site is my first suggestion every time I talk about improving rental standards. Seeing issues with their own eyes would hopefully lead landlords to address them when they are cheaper to fix and before they become major problems for tenants. The problem with many landlords is that they’re looking for a passive income instead of a job or side gig. Take seriously the responsibility of providing quality housing at a reasonable price that compensates you for your work and you will genuinely be helping people get away from the worst examples of landlords. Being a landlord can and must be done ethically, and you owe it to your family member to look into how it could be done even if it isn’t a route you choose to take.
On a personal note I’m very sorry to hear of your loved one’s poor health. I hope that they do not suffer greatly. Take what time you can now to take solace in each others’ company and assure them that, while you will grieve mightily their passing, you will be alright after they are gone. Right now their comfort and convalescence is the most importance obligation, later it will be their wish for your health and happiness. Good luck my friend, you will be in my thoughts.
Thank you.
All of this sucks to think about after remembering what all is involved whenever this happens. As much as I need help in life right now, I want as much time as possible between now and then… I have nobody else left, my mom just passed unexpectedly in March, except for the aunt and uncle who abused me for 20 years who have been dead to me for almost 8 years now, and a highly estranged dad.
I’ve met others who are im even rougher shape than me, so I know things aren’t as worse as they could be, so I’d rather have time shared than whatever is to come after our time runs out… anyways, thanks for being so nice. This is all so hard
How do you see this situation as different from splitting rent with a housemate?
To me, the ethical questions lie not in the situation, but in how you handle it. Charge your tenant high enough rent to cover the full mortgage, maintenance, and renovations of the whole building? Sounds sketchy. Charge “market rate” just because that’s what the hedge-fund landlords demand? Sketchy. Find a rent level that accounts for your costs & maintenance of the rented space, an allowance for vacant time, and risk of bad tenants? That’s a great way to help people find housing, without being an actual charity, and make more sustainable use of a big space than living in it all by yourself.