Say, “We at Apple, Think Different.” and refuse to be shepherded into the flock with the likes of the dirty android heathens. You can’t give in so easily. First, they’ll take your Lightning ports, then they’ll take your internal battery and IP68 rating, and before you know it, they’ll take your blue iMessage bubble too.

At that point, why even bother? You might as well throw a Qualcomm Snapdragon in the next iPhone and call it a day. Congratulations Apple, you have the best UI of any Android phone on the market.

What the actual fuck?

You swear this isn’t satire?

I love how higher IP rating is always the argument, it looks like everybody in this planet is doing daily deep diving and needs its smartphone to do that 😅

Are you sure it isn’t satire? I prefer to believe it is.

I sure hope it’s satire, but that pun!

“Mind EUROwn business?” chef’s kiss

I… Couldn’t even make it through the whole article. Absolutely insane.

Man, Tim Apple sounds pissed.

Looking at this guy’s other articles, unfortunetly it does not feel as satire.

it feels satirical

That’s because it is satire.

truly astounding levels of corporate simping