And then one day you develop tinnitus and then even the silence is loud. You can see people’s lips moving but you have trouble processing the words thanks to the constant “WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” in your ears. They think you have ADHD so they put you on medication. It doesn’t work so they put you on anti depressants that numbs everything. You tell the doctor that you hear a constant whine so they think you have a psychosomatic response to childhood trauma and think you have a substance abuse disorder. Go through treatment to get told that your substance use isn’t an addiction. Get put back on the same anti depressants. Get hearing checked, fail, but get told that it’s not that bad and psychosomatic. Finally get told you have tinnitus by an orthopedist. Get it verified and agreed upon by an ENT doc, but also get told the migraines that come with tinnitus are psychosomatic.

And the inescapable sound of gma’s jowls slapping around while eating her food…

My father, the source of my trauma, chawing on Spree gum like a horse.

Oh fuck, that’s me. Wait it’s not normal to lose it over clanking plates and other dinner noises?

Quick edit: once curled up into a ball after a dinner at a roudy Western themed place, especially over a table near me. My mom was used to it though, so I guess I’m lucky.