So I’m visiting my parents and it’s all my family talks about. Every discussion is “my big boi” this and “oh did you read about the new breed of” that. I’m fucking sick of it. Get a new topic of conversation.

I’m trying to sleep, and I just hear them all night. Can science make them quieter? Can they shut the fuck up? Can people just not let them out all night so I can sleep peacefully.

Have you ever noticed that when you watch TV or whatever, they’re the centre of our culture? Romance, comedy, action, these little shits are the middle of everything. People gotta be rocking these guys to get a girlfriend. (Granted it’s shit mainstream TV). It’s like we didn’t know how to relate to the world without these spawn children. You know, people fell in love without these guys BEFORE they were invented. Guys, I swear to God, I’ve been unmatched on Tinder before because I don’t like them or own one.

Don’t get me started on the environmental costs. What’s it like, 20% of the world’s carbon emissions. People will downplay this, and say that they need them. I say, if you need something that destroys the planet for the next generation, you’re a sociopath.

So if you haven’t noticed, I don’t own one of these. Getting around is so hard, they take up so much space everywhere. It just feels super unfair that 95% of the street is dedicated to their needs, while I need to feel terrified and cramped on the sidewalk. Like our whole society and infrastructure is designed for owners of these death demons and the rest of us just need to deal with their selfishness.