Water + Jesus = Wine
Wine + Jesus = Brandy
Brandy + Jesus = Twice-distilled Brandy? Cooking sherry? Idk
I choose to believe at this point, Jesus got so drunk he forgot to try it a third time.
Is this really the blood of Christ? Man that guy must have been wasted 24/7
bro do you got any snacks to go with this
You can have one tasteless cracker.
All I can offer is some fish and bread.
It’s all you can eat though, so there’s that
He’s 30 years old, still lived with his parents, and spent all day hanging out with his twelve dude bros in a time before XBox existed.
Of course he was fucking hammered all day.
That next beverage is know as “sweet baby Jesus”
Yes. The power to do literally anything would allow one to do this.
Can he create a stone that is not liftable and then proceed to lift it?
Unironically the question by witch many Christian faiths differ: does God needs abide to the rules of logic or not?
For the Roman Catholic, yes, for Calvinists and a bunch other (ok, many other but I’m not an expert), no.
Answer: whatever causes the person you’re arguing with to throw their hands up and storm off more exasperated…
No, not really, it’s mostly a matter of power.
The Church itself is rooted in the idea that there are autorities on matter of faith and they adopted the Platonical Agostinean idea that faith is empowered by reason. Reason being a valid tool means you have experts that reasoned a lot about religion and people that know less and needs to be taught, ultimately by the Pope.
The “other” side tends to reject authorities, and take the words of the bible as sobjected to personal interpretation or, to an extent, make it into some sort of magical object that the faithfull subjects itself to, without questions. Accepting the contradictions, the illogal parts, are what that kind of faith is about because to question (throught reasoning) God is a Sin.
Ah theologians. When we invented agriculture so that not everyone had to work on gathering food, this enabled some of us to specialize in advanced skills. But theology, wow. What a waste of time. Get those dudes out in the fields.
Back in the days they were just philosophers aka scientists.
“aka scientists?”
Not sure what that means.
Also known as scientists.
I can understand calling theologians philosophers but being a philosopher does not make you a scientist.
There’s a reason the French beheaded the clergy alongside the nobility.
Calvanists the ones that say since god is all powerful there can be no free will/everything is decided don’t apply logic?
That’s the one, funnily enough in a perverted twist, they tend to see wealth as a sign that God has picked them as favourites (graced them) and they storically gravitated toward seeing poor people as, well, sinners, even thought their principles state that anyone could be graced or not no matter the more evident aspects of life.
The easiest answer to this is yes, he could create a stone he couldn’t lift. And then he could lift it anyway.
Actually the easiest answer is “no” because it doesn’t require cognitive dissonance.
There’s no cognitive dissonance in negating a false negative
What false negative? If he can lift it then he didn’t create a stone he can’t lift. Can he make one plus one equal anything other than two?
Your comment made me think of this scene from American Dad
I interpreted this as “having the basic ability to take as actions would allow you to do this”, which is also true, I can ferment wine and then gradually make it more concentrated
"And on the third day, there was a wedding in Cana. Jesus’ mother was there. When the wine was drunk, Jesus’ mother said to him, ‘We’re out of wine.’ ‘Bruh… That’s a big yikes. But why do I care?’, replied Jesus.
Jesus mother instructed the servants, ‘you just do whatever he tells you no matter how stupid it sounds.’ Jesus sighed and turned to the servants saying, ’ Okay. You see those jars? Nope. Not that one. The big ones. Yeah. Those big ones over there. Go fill them up with water. All the way up. Then take some of the water and give it to the host."
The servants were more than a little skeptical but shrugged and did as they were told. When the host of the wedding feast tasted the water, it had become wine. And the host exclaimed, “Damn! That is some good shit. Where did you get that from?” And the servants were amazed because they knew from where the wine came.
And the servants implored Jesus, 'Do it again! No, wait. Can you make something stronger this time?"
– The Gospel According to [Skibidi] John
Jesus can spike a girl’s drink from across the room.
He gets that from his dad.
Wine was originally an acronym for “Wine Is Not an Emulator”, so I’d say it’s a possibility.
I have a chatGPT idea… edit: yea you can make it loop forever lol
What was your prompt?
I asked it to write out the Wine acronym but for each time wine is written out you would need to express the acronym inside the acronym.
You can also ask it to repeat the letter A one million times. For reasons I don’t understand, it will say “A A A…” for a while before hitting some sort of repetition limit and then it starts speaking gibberish.
No, because then the ATF will show up and shoot him.
Certainly any dogs nearby RIP
I mean, given that Jesús would not only be a brown hippie moonshiner, but also probably a damn Mexican furriner to boot, he’d be lucky if they didn’t lay siege to the whole neighborhood, Waco-style.
In the Bible they wanted to kill him many times but he always slipped away. He wasn’t arrested until he gave himself to the authorities. The ATF wouldn’t catch him if he didn’t want to be caught. But I’m sure they’d destroy lots of people, animals and property regardless.
If he uses 100% of his power it turns all the way back to grapes.
Eventually it would just become brandy.
Brandy? Awesome! The Boy Is Mine (1998) is a certified classic!
Definitely the superior Brandy, by far.
Moeesha… not so much.
I don’t mean to be “that guy”, but… I’m waiting…
Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetaminesHe walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really coolIf you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That’s so coolHe could’ve played guitar better than Hendrix
He could’ve told the future
He could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could’ve scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could’ve danced better than Baryshnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way coolHe told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That’s so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that’s so cool
Jesus was way coolNo wonder there are so many Christians
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No it is impossible for God to do that.
Yeah, I rolled a d20 and can confirm. Wow, critical miss!
Can God create a brandy so concentrated he can’t drink it?
Jesus is said to be God, therefore he should be omnipotent and capable of literally anything we could comprehend as humans, or even more than that even.
Obviously it’s all bullshit but yeah.
so does that mean Jesus could change semen to wine if he was giving a handy since semen is mostly water?
follow up question, would there still be semen in the wine if all he’s changing is the water?
follow follow up question, how much money do you think one could make if they ejaculated wine instead of semen?
finally, do you think Jesus masturbates and ejaculates wine for a refreshing post-nut beverage?
First two, yup, if those are what he wants to happen. The others depend on the buyer and Jesus’ mood that day.
If he indeed turned water into wine and made all things, why would he need to recurse as if he can’t get it right the first time?
because he works in mysterious ways of course.
I don’t think so, the premise is that water can be converted to wine. Water here does not mean the chemical composition (ie h2o) but rather as a concept. So once water is converted the whole of it is refered to as “wine”. If you were to separate it into components you can do so but they won’t be called wine. Then you can use jesus to convert the water component again and repeat the process.
Another caveat, water is more than just h2o ie, what we usually refer to as “water” can contain many things like minerals, salt and even bacteria etc, in fact i doubt you can get pure h2o easily.
Then you can use jesus to convert the water component again and repeat the process.
I have a cheap knock off jesus from Alibaba and even he can turn wine into winier wine, if you tell him that it’s just red water. Maybe you are using your jesus wrong?
It was probably kombucha.
Can he put actual kombu (as in Japanese kelp) into kombucha?
Anyone, with the right foot fungus can make kombucha! Lol.
Late one evening a boy and his father were accosted by a mugger. The traumatic moment unlocked some kind of latent power within the boy. Frantically he tried to intervene, skin touched skin, and the assailant’s blood turned to wine, fatal. But not before the cretin dealt a terminal blow to the father. And that night that boy became the hero we all know, Jesus Christ.
