This is about to be some real shit about a failing (failed?) marriage. Get out now if that is not for you.
My wife and I, both in our 40s, have been together for a long time, 20+ years. About 10 years ago our daughter was born and that was pretty good. I was stupid and had an affair during that first year because I was immature and, in retrospect, wasn’t able to handle the shift in my wife’s attention from me to my daughter.
We worked it out. We moved to a bigger house that is paid off. My mom died and left us all some money. Then my wife was diagnosed with MS about 4 years ago and things have been on the decline.
We haven’t had sex in a year and neither of us again expects to. She has been depressed and I don’t know how to help her. We recently, like yesterday, determined in a mutual discussion that we no longer had a romantic relationship, but that we had a good partnership for raising our daughter and generally handling life. While it was good to get an unspoken truth out there, it hurts. I think that we both feel lonely in the aching soul sort of way. Last night, when we went to bed, for first time that I can recall, she didn’t say, “I love you,” and neither did I. My Prozac is working overtime, and she shuts down when I suggest mental health support for her.
So, here’s the question. What now?
My ex grew up in a “business agreement” household. She never saw any affection between her parents, and expected our marriage to be the same. We had three kids together, and things were mostly fine, but it wore me down. After 15 years of not feeling like she loved me, we divorced.
I’m now remarried and we don’t hesitate to show each other that we are in love every day.
It’s not an easy situation, especially when kids are involved. If the kid was 16 or so, it might be worth sticking it out until they are grown, but any more than that, you will start to resent your wife, and question your choices gradually until it tortures you daily.