(A 4chan “greentext”, with an image of Pepe wearing a pink Wizard’s hat)

Be me, sleep deprived DM, half an hour ago

Get startled by phone ringing

It’s one of my players

Me: “Dude, it’s midnight, you good?”

Friend: "Yeah yeah, sorry if I woke you.

Could I ask for a favor?"

OhGod HeKilled Someone.gif

Me: “Uh, sure? Shoot.”

Friend: “My daughter can’t sleep, could you tell a quick story over speakerphone? She loves listening to the recordings of our sessions before bed, but I left my laptop at the office so I can’t play them.”

NaniTheFuck.mp3

Me: “She listens to us to fall asleep?”

Friend: “Yeah, but she really likes your plot and NPC acting bits. She calls you 'dumb dumb mister! Guess Dungeon Master is a bit hard for a preschooler.”

Me: “Wow… well, if it will help her sleep, then sure.”

Friend: “Thank you! Okay, give me a sec to head back to her room.” (pause) “Okay, you’re on speaker.”

Me: “Hey, [daughters name], it’s uncle Anon.”

Daughter: (Happy gasp) “Dumb dumb Mister!”

I’veNeverBeenHappierToBeCalledADumbDumb.jpg

Me: “You ready for a story about…(DM IMPROV SKILLS ENGAGE)…the time your daddy and his friends went deep into a cursed temple to save a frost dragon egg?”

Daughter: (Incomprehensible happy squealing noises)

I then proceed to spend nearly 20 min spitballing a story over the phone for the most fascinated little girl until she eventually fell asleep. Friend thanks me for the help and says he’ll see me on game night. Lay down in bed, actually feel content and comfortable for once. I should have thanked him.

I am the dumb dumb mister.