I feel like this joke would have landed better 5, or maybe even 3 years ago. Every even remotely fancy restaurant I go into has jumped on the mocktail bandwagon and offers plenty of options for people avoiding alcohol.
You are paying for way more than the sum of the parts when you order a cocktail, I’m not really sure why you’d suddenly be concerned about doing so when it comes to a mocktail.
Even then, it’s not really accurate anyway. A cocktail is a bunch of ingredients mixes together. You can usually get them without the alcohol if you ask for it (obviously this doesn’t work for every drink). They list of cocktails is so large because there’s a lot of ways to combine a few ingredients to make different things. They don’t actually stock that many types of drinks or anything. They’re made on demends, and can usually be modified if you ask.
If you can remove the alcohol from any “cocktail” and still have more than just flavored ice or a dirty glass, you were drinking slightly alcoholic mocktails the whole time.
Old Fashioned mocktail is a cherry on top of a large ice cube that you’ve used to bludgeon some sugar and an orange.
A Sazerac mocktail is akin to an empty glass someone just drink a sweet lemony drink from. You don’t get the lemony drink, just the dirty glass.
A margarita mocktail is salty lime flavored ice. This is basically a daquiri mocktail too, adding a strawberry seems popular.
A Manhattan mocktail is a sweetened cherry in an otherwise empty glass.
A mojito mocktail is a bit more substantial, minty sugar water with a hint of lime.
A mint julep mocktail, again just minty sugar water.
A white Russian mocktail is just a glass of cream over ice.
A mimosa mocktail is just a nearly empty glass of orange juice.
The non-alcoholic parts of a cocktail are rarely more than a quarter of the volume if they’re made properly. Most cocktails are a half oz of sugar water and a citrus flavor. The other 2/3 of the volume (not counting the ice) is alcohol. Just order a soda, soda water (with or without a garnish), tea, or my favorite a Topo Chico and lime.
First of all, a vodka martini isn’t a classic martini. That’s why you have to say “vodka” before martini if that’s what you’re ordering. A martini is made at any reputable establishment with gin. I’m sure you could say “rum martini” and any established bartender would raise an eyebrow but make your order.
That said, I order my martini the same way every time: pure Everclear stirred with a single ice cube. Wave a bottle of vermouth over the glass while looking in the direction of France.
One olive or three, never even numbers. I’m not a savage.
Then after I’ve vomited on the bar, they wheel me home on a dolly.
Edit: my actual standard order is Beefeater, extra dry, one olive. Keep it simple and classic.
That’s great news! Occasionally I browse the NA beers and last week I thought how great it would be to be able to drink a Guinness! Maybe it arrives here sometime.
It really is. Like a lot of non alcoholic is crap (maybe if you’re a rare drinker it’s passable and unnoticeable). But Guinness 0.0 tastes very close to real Guinness. I’m not sure i could tell the difference in a blind test honestly.
I feel like this joke would have landed better 5, or maybe even 3 years ago. Every even remotely fancy restaurant I go into has jumped on the mocktail bandwagon and offers plenty of options for people avoiding alcohol.
Of course they do. They sell them equally expensive without the expensive ingredients!
Basically water and a little juice, and they charge $8.
You are paying for way more than the sum of the parts when you order a cocktail, I’m not really sure why you’d suddenly be concerned about doing so when it comes to a mocktail.
Really? They’re kind a third of the price here.
Not everyone does it. Shady places charge equal price for virgin cocktails.
Price of drinks have very little relation to the price of alcohol.
Edit: in the US. Other places might have more esoteric booze tax schemes.
Even then, it’s not really accurate anyway. A cocktail is a bunch of ingredients mixes together. You can usually get them without the alcohol if you ask for it (obviously this doesn’t work for every drink). They list of cocktails is so large because there’s a lot of ways to combine a few ingredients to make different things. They don’t actually stock that many types of drinks or anything. They’re made on demends, and can usually be modified if you ask.
If you can remove the alcohol from any “cocktail” and still have more than just flavored ice or a dirty glass, you were drinking slightly alcoholic mocktails the whole time.
Old Fashioned mocktail is a cherry on top of a large ice cube that you’ve used to bludgeon some sugar and an orange.
A Sazerac mocktail is akin to an empty glass someone just drink a sweet lemony drink from. You don’t get the lemony drink, just the dirty glass.
A margarita mocktail is salty lime flavored ice. This is basically a daquiri mocktail too, adding a strawberry seems popular.
A Manhattan mocktail is a sweetened cherry in an otherwise empty glass.
A mojito mocktail is a bit more substantial, minty sugar water with a hint of lime.
A mint julep mocktail, again just minty sugar water.
A white Russian mocktail is just a glass of cream over ice.
A mimosa mocktail is just a nearly empty glass of orange juice.
The non-alcoholic parts of a cocktail are rarely more than a quarter of the volume if they’re made properly. Most cocktails are a half oz of sugar water and a citrus flavor. The other 2/3 of the volume (not counting the ice) is alcohol. Just order a soda, soda water (with or without a garnish), tea, or my favorite a Topo Chico and lime.
One virgin martini please. Stirred.
handed cool glass with three olives in it
Thank you, kind sir!
Hey man, over half of that vodka is water anyway, so it’s all just a glass of water with some bitters.
First of all, a vodka martini isn’t a classic martini. That’s why you have to say “vodka” before martini if that’s what you’re ordering. A martini is made at any reputable establishment with gin. I’m sure you could say “rum martini” and any established bartender would raise an eyebrow but make your order.
That said, I order my martini the same way every time: pure Everclear stirred with a single ice cube. Wave a bottle of vermouth over the glass while looking in the direction of France.
One olive or three, never even numbers. I’m not a savage.
Then after I’ve vomited on the bar, they wheel me home on a dolly.
Edit: my actual standard order is Beefeater, extra dry, one olive. Keep it simple and classic.
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Topo Chico and lime
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I was just in Dublin and saw Guinness 0.0 in a bunch of places. Things are definitely shifting if that can exist in Ireland.
That’s great news! Occasionally I browse the NA beers and last week I thought how great it would be to be able to drink a Guinness! Maybe it arrives here sometime.
they do sell them in the US
I’ve not had it, but someone (who also likes regular Guinness) told me that Guinness zero was genuinely great. Need to check it out sometime.
It really is. Like a lot of non alcoholic is crap (maybe if you’re a rare drinker it’s passable and unnoticeable). But Guinness 0.0 tastes very close to real Guinness. I’m not sure i could tell the difference in a blind test honestly.
At least in North America. I get the sense Europe still thinks drinking is cool across the board.