New Yorkers who said they couldn’t approach the case fairly were excused during jury selection. But one of the women with the harshest assessments of him will be among those who will determine his fate on 34 counts of falsifying business records.
“I don’t like his persona, how he presents himself in public,” said the woman, who has lived in upper Manhattan for the last 15 years. The woman said she didn’t agree with some of Trump’s politics, which she called “outrageous.”
“He just seems very selfish and self-serving, so I don’t really appreciate that in any public servant,” she said, adding that while she doesn’t “know him as a person,” how he “portrays himself in public, it just seems to me it is not my cup of tea.”
Trump’s legal team took issue with her responses, but they were out of challenges by the time she was up for consideration.
I felt a weird sense of almost pity reading this. On the surface, when I think about how deeply uncomfortable this scenario was for Trump, I’m glad, because he’s laughable and this is nothing compared to the harms he has wrought on the world. But at a level deeper than that, when I think about how, for a narcissist like Trump, this is probably the greatest torture one could devise, and that’s so pathetic that it’s just sad.
To people like Trump, everything is about power. Everything is adversarial. The system that Trump exists within, that he’s a part of perpetuating, teaches that power is everything and you either oppress others or be one of the subjugated.
When I was a kid, I ended up teaching myself to ignore hunger due to a bundle of things including poverty and eating disorders, so nowadays, I literally don’t notice my hunger. I have to set alarms to remember to eat and in the rare instances where I do feel the physical hunger, I rarely notice it as that. I wonder whether people like Trump do the same with their capacity to feel for Human goodness. Forgive the overly poetic phrasing, but it feels like they’ve sold their soul for the ability to feel safe in the world, because they have opted into the adversarial worldview I described above.
Opted implies choice. Trump is a product of this system that teaches power in all of the ways that you beautifully illustrated, as well as his father. He’s a raging narcissist precisely because he has the emotional maturity of a 5-year-old. If he had mature loving parents that 5-year-old could have grown up into somebody that would have preferred a different worldview.
Just reminding you I guess he is a pitiable figure. And he has hurt people, so I do also relish watching him suffer the consequences of his actions for once in his fucking life. If he was my spoiled stepson who had just shoved a fork into a socket after I told him not to for the 20th time, I probably would relish that a bit too if I’m being honest.
I agree, and that context is a part of what I feel towards him, and others like him. I think of myself a lot, because I had a fucked up family and was bullied throughout school such that my head was an awful place to exist, full of toxic sludge. I think outwardly, I was still a good person, but inside, I thought some truly dreadful things and they definitely shaped how I behaved. It wasn’t until I got out of my family home that I was able to build a better way of living. I know what it feels like to be the product of my circumstances, especially because I feel immensely lucky that I met the people who I did who helped me get out of that.
Alongside that though, I do feel like choice plays a large role. Opting into a toxic system isn’t one big choice, but the culmination of many. Untangling a messed up worldview means condemning not just your environment, but also parts of yourself and it usually is easier to continue opting in. Similarly, extricating oneself from an environment like that isn’t one big choice. I’m still shaped by my background because sometimes I get little bad thoughts that I recognise as coming from my mum and other similar figures, and casting them out is more effort than just ignoring them and letting them fester and grow. It isn’t easy, but many people do find the courage and community to get out of that mode of existence.
It’s sad, because I can’t imagine a world like that for Trump. He’s got so many sycophants around him reinforcing all this that I can’t help but think he’s probably too far gone on that front. That sucks, because it means he’ll never fully understand the depth of harm he’s done, and as a believer in restorative justice, I don’t see how justice could be achieved in this scenario.
Two aspects are key to how I think about how our background affects our choices - compassion and accountability. As I’ve said, I had my own battle with toxicity, and I’ve also personally known people who used to be heavily hard right, who have used the phrase “indoctrinated” to describe their experiences. No-one exists outside of a wider context and we need to keep that in mind before judging. However also, the people who get themselves out do so by making good choices and having the strength to keep following through and keep building networks of support.
I suppose that’s another reason why I’m sad - Trump has a huge network, but it’s all just people like him, ready to jump in and capitalise on whatever happens with him. You could lock him up and throw away the key, but justice would still be far out of our reach. It’s easy to see why so many are bitter about this trial — it’s better than nothing, but that’s not glowing praise.
Again I really enjoyed reading your post. The first one I replied to was beautiful and so was this one.
I don’t really subscribe to choice theory which is what I’m just going to call it. I guess if I was religious I would think of it as free will.
People need incentives to change. And they also need incentive to keep doing what they’re doing. But it takes less incentive because it takes less energy for the mind to continue in its habitual patterns.
Trump had a very strong incentive to be who he is. Those incentives were given by society. And those incentives were given by his father.
He has had very little incentive to do anything different until very recently. And as you pointed out, his tribe of sycophents and lack of real human connection, doesn’t create much of an environment where there’s incentive to change.
In other words, the pain of being him has never gotten to be big enough where there’s been reason to change. And his connection with other people and upbringing isn’t such that he experiences remorse to make him want to change.
So, I agree that compassion is important. I also think of accountability as important to society. But I don’t view accountability as something that the individual holds. Accountability is happening for Trump now. And he should be held accountable. Because without him being held accountable there is no incentive for him to change. Or for people who look up to him to change.
Very insightful. I wish I could updoot this a hundred times. Thanks for sharing your story.