I assume you have read my previous posts, I don’t wanna retell everything.

We went to my psychologist. First he went alone with her to talk, and after half an hour he got out and I came in.

I told my psychologist everything about why I needed to break up with him. She understood and helped me through it.

Then she let him in to talk, and I gave a long speech about the reasons why I had no choice but to end the relationship.

I thanked him for all the good moments, all the love he gave me, for being so sweet, and that I didn’t regret any of it. I told him that I still loved him and wanted nothing but all the best to him, and I don’t want him to die because of me. It was way longer than that but I’m just not in the mood for writing a lot.

He was visibly broken, almost crying, in silent the entire time. When I finally finished, the psychologist asked him to talk and he just said “no words” She told me that I was done for today and I left.

We are not 100% done yet, I need to take my things out of his house, and his family still wants to be in contact with me and I’m more than glad.

Is just… I wanted this, I had the chance to try to talk and fix everything, yet I ended it because I knew I needed to, he has hurt me for a long while after all, I don’t wanna be trapped with him, yet I feel so bad right now. I hope I did the right choice. I hope I don’t regret it. I’m sad and heartbroken. I Know he is even more heartbroken. But it needed to end. Yet I’m still sad about it. So sad. How long will I still be this sad?

  • Paragone@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    9 months ago

    I have not read your previous posts, but am only offering a specific perspective for you to consider…

    There are 3 minds ( levels/substances )…

    • SurfaceMind, which dissolves ever few yours
    • underlying-LifeMind ( we make ours unconscious, but it can be conscious, too )
    • Soul/Continuum…

    These 3 minds each have their own interests.

    WHEN the interests of an unconscious-LifeMind contradict the interests of that LifeMind’s SurfaceMind, THEN damage is made to result.

    There is no way to prevent mistakes from being committed, by a mind who hasn’t earned their own experience-induced-understanding, yet.

    Irregardless of whether your current-choice was “right” or “wrong”, or whether his was, or whether anyone’s inaction was “right” or “wrong”, only through committing into one’s Eternity, & moving-on to one’s next lesson, CAN one continue engaging one’s own life-process, properly.

    Making oneself stuck, in order to protect past-habit, isn’t living.

    Maybe what I’m saying is inappropriate to your current moment ( I doubt that ), but it is important, and our culture pretty-much never says it.

    I’m not making any judgement on your action, or his, or whatever your shared past was, I’m only identifying a mechanism that is basic to evolving, to growing-up, and whether it is less or more pertinant now, or later, isn’t relevant: use the understanding, the perspective, when YOU find it appropriate, see?

    _ /\ _

    PS: the most important relationship-competencies are:

    • Gottman’s books
    • Logan, King, & Fischer-Wright’s book ( research-based ) “Tribal Leadership”, on the 5 levels of process, & how we are pushed into the lower 3 dysfunctional levels, & how to get ourselves up into the healthy 2 levels
    • Kegan & Lahey’s “Immunity to Change”, on our unconscious-mind’s fighting off of growing-up, adapting, surviving, in order to protect its already-established ignorance, and how to objectively dismantle our unconscious-mind’s sabotaging of our lives.

    To whomever reads this, who has the spiritual-liveliness to dig into those, you are changing your life to create life-agility in your life, when you invest in understanding those…

    Halvorson’s “The 8 Motivational Challenges” is also strongly recommended: simple, fundamental, & important.

    Salut, Namaste, & Kaizen, eh?

    _ /\ _