If it’s okay for an autistic person to have these traits, why can’t someone else? This kind of mindset is what makes the world so inherently hostile to autistic people. Even if you don’t shame people whom you know to have autism for these traits, you are still communicating to them that you think these traits are bad when you shame others for having them.
And why are these traits “bad?” None of these really affect anyone but the person who has them. Picky eating limits the person’s own choices, not your own. Their lack of understanding of humor or sarcasm isolates them socially from others, not you. It’s not a reflection on the quality of your joke. Their awkwardness hurts themself significantly more than it can possibly hurt you. Not wanting to be touched is a basic personal boundary that should be respected no matter whose boundary it is. Fidgeting is a harmless motion. Most of what we shame for being “cringey” interests are rooted in misogyny anyway, and others’ interests do not harm you in any way. Meltdowns are something that anyone can experience, if pushed to the brink. Autistic people just happen to have more sensitivities, and also to live in a world that is actively hostile to them. Of course they will be pushed to the brink more often.
It can be hard to unlearn ableism. And I hope you’re able to read these words with an open mind and take the time to introspect on why you hold the beliefs that you have expressed here, and try to understand the harm that they cause to autistic people. It’s especially harmful to express them here — as I’m glad that you noticed, and walked back — but I wanted to also address you in a more general way, because I believe that this sentiment would have been harmful even if you had expressed it on 196 (where you stated that you originally thought you were.)
It’s fine for everyone to have those traits, but that doesn’t preclude these traits from being made fun of in a friendly setting. A person’s ability to accept good natured humor at their expense and whether good natured ribbing is acceptable are separate discussions. You’d be kind of a cunt to joke about something that someone might actually be insecure about. That’s the only difference. You don’t jab where skin is thin, you congratulate. Measuring yourself against others and improving or accepting yourself is the core of interpersonal relationships.
Imagine for a moment that you lived in a world where the vast majority of people were different from you. They liked to eat something that you find disgusting: we’ll say gravel. Their humor relied on advanced knowledge of something that you didn’t have knowledge of, like string theory.
Every day that you turn on your television, you see shows making “fun” of people who don’t understand string theory and who don’t find chewing on gravel to be an ideal meal. Every day when you are at work, people look at your food and ask, “why aren’t you eating gravel? Is something wrong with you?” Every time that you try to make friends, they rapidly shoot lines back and forth about string theory that you don’t understand, and when they notice how lost you are, they shame you for it. When you try to tell them about something you find interesting, they call you “embarrassingly unscientific” or something, and exclude you.
So you’re tired, because it feels like the whole world is against you. And you go home and settle down for the day, and you call up a good friend because you just want to feel seen and understood. And your friend sees your dinner on the camera, and they say “Rockless dinner again? You’re so picky! It’s not hard to just sprinkle a little limestone on top, you know.” They then proceed to tell an elaborate joke about string theory, which they know you won’t understand, and then get angry when you don’t find it funny and tell you to lighten up.
Wouldn’t you feel terrible if this was how your ‘friend’ treated you? Would you really find their treatment “good-natured?”
Sure, some of your friends may actually be able to tolerate this ribbing. But the vast majority of autistic people are just tired of the constant jokes at their expense. They might not say anything about it, because it’s so commonplace that if they pushed back people would say they’re “making a scene.” Other downtrodden groups also face this and are stereotyped as “angry black women” etc when they put up boundaries about how others should treat them. And so many people learn to just grin and bear it, in the name of keeping the peace and avoiding drawing attention.
I’d also like to address this phrase specifically, emphasis mine:
A person’s ability to accept good natured humor at their expense […]
Autism is called a disability, meaning that there is a difference between the ability levels of autistic and non-autistic people for certain things. Some autistic people lack the ability to parse this kind of humor. It is not their fault. It is not a judgement on their character as a person. It’s merely a part of who they are. You don’t tell someone that they’re lesser as a person because they can’t shoot a bullseye, write with their non-dominant hand, do long division in their head, or understand recordings when played backwards. These things are as arbitrary as being able to understand sarcasm, to sit still, or to follow a conversation in a noisy room.
And, frankly, it’s not as funny as you think it is, so I don’t blame people for not thinking that it is. You seem somewhat defensive of your brand of humor — which I understand, because it can feel like some sort of judgement on your skill level or something — but can you not just… make other jokes?
If it’s okay for an autistic person to have these traits, why can’t someone else? This kind of mindset is what makes the world so inherently hostile to autistic people. Even if you don’t shame people whom you know to have autism for these traits, you are still communicating to them that you think these traits are bad when you shame others for having them.
And why are these traits “bad?” None of these really affect anyone but the person who has them. Picky eating limits the person’s own choices, not your own. Their lack of understanding of humor or sarcasm isolates them socially from others, not you. It’s not a reflection on the quality of your joke. Their awkwardness hurts themself significantly more than it can possibly hurt you. Not wanting to be touched is a basic personal boundary that should be respected no matter whose boundary it is. Fidgeting is a harmless motion. Most of what we shame for being “cringey” interests are rooted in misogyny anyway, and others’ interests do not harm you in any way. Meltdowns are something that anyone can experience, if pushed to the brink. Autistic people just happen to have more sensitivities, and also to live in a world that is actively hostile to them. Of course they will be pushed to the brink more often.
It can be hard to unlearn ableism. And I hope you’re able to read these words with an open mind and take the time to introspect on why you hold the beliefs that you have expressed here, and try to understand the harm that they cause to autistic people. It’s especially harmful to express them here — as I’m glad that you noticed, and walked back — but I wanted to also address you in a more general way, because I believe that this sentiment would have been harmful even if you had expressed it on 196 (where you stated that you originally thought you were.)
It’s fine for everyone to have those traits, but that doesn’t preclude these traits from being made fun of in a friendly setting. A person’s ability to accept good natured humor at their expense and whether good natured ribbing is acceptable are separate discussions. You’d be kind of a cunt to joke about something that someone might actually be insecure about. That’s the only difference. You don’t jab where skin is thin, you congratulate. Measuring yourself against others and improving or accepting yourself is the core of interpersonal relationships.
Imagine for a moment that you lived in a world where the vast majority of people were different from you. They liked to eat something that you find disgusting: we’ll say gravel. Their humor relied on advanced knowledge of something that you didn’t have knowledge of, like string theory.
Every day that you turn on your television, you see shows making “fun” of people who don’t understand string theory and who don’t find chewing on gravel to be an ideal meal. Every day when you are at work, people look at your food and ask, “why aren’t you eating gravel? Is something wrong with you?” Every time that you try to make friends, they rapidly shoot lines back and forth about string theory that you don’t understand, and when they notice how lost you are, they shame you for it. When you try to tell them about something you find interesting, they call you “embarrassingly unscientific” or something, and exclude you.
So you’re tired, because it feels like the whole world is against you. And you go home and settle down for the day, and you call up a good friend because you just want to feel seen and understood. And your friend sees your dinner on the camera, and they say “Rockless dinner again? You’re so picky! It’s not hard to just sprinkle a little limestone on top, you know.” They then proceed to tell an elaborate joke about string theory, which they know you won’t understand, and then get angry when you don’t find it funny and tell you to lighten up.
Wouldn’t you feel terrible if this was how your ‘friend’ treated you? Would you really find their treatment “good-natured?”
Sure, some of your friends may actually be able to tolerate this ribbing. But the vast majority of autistic people are just tired of the constant jokes at their expense. They might not say anything about it, because it’s so commonplace that if they pushed back people would say they’re “making a scene.” Other downtrodden groups also face this and are stereotyped as “angry black women” etc when they put up boundaries about how others should treat them. And so many people learn to just grin and bear it, in the name of keeping the peace and avoiding drawing attention.
I’d also like to address this phrase specifically, emphasis mine:
Autism is called a disability, meaning that there is a difference between the ability levels of autistic and non-autistic people for certain things. Some autistic people lack the ability to parse this kind of humor. It is not their fault. It is not a judgement on their character as a person. It’s merely a part of who they are. You don’t tell someone that they’re lesser as a person because they can’t shoot a bullseye, write with their non-dominant hand, do long division in their head, or understand recordings when played backwards. These things are as arbitrary as being able to understand sarcasm, to sit still, or to follow a conversation in a noisy room.
And, frankly, it’s not as funny as you think it is, so I don’t blame people for not thinking that it is. You seem somewhat defensive of your brand of humor — which I understand, because it can feel like some sort of judgement on your skill level or something — but can you not just… make other jokes?
And sorry to double reply, but I feel like I missed this. (I have a tendency to ramble, I should probably refine my responses before sending. Eh.)
Why would you make fun of them if you don’t think these traits are bad?