Yeah totally, working and commuting to a job you can’t stand to have most of your income taken away by payments and loans. But at least you get to vacation to places that lie further away because you were able to save up more. Because long distance travelling will definitely fulfill every need and longing you have.
Now, back from the negative. To each their own. No one should have kids if they don’t want to. But a life without kids is also not just fun and cookies. In our society you are left with little time for yourself and your hobbies no matter whether you have kids or not. Most of us have no attachment to our jobs, we know they are bullshit jobs and salaries are compensating their lack of meaning. I can’t understand how people want to find fulfillment in their jobs, something to live for and to draw value for your life from. A minority does have important jobs that can give you a sense of meaning (I imagine nurses, social workers, teachers) but these are usually so underpaid and have such horrible working conditions that it circles back to how can you live for that. You’re replaceable. No one will thank you for your service down the line.
You can find joy in hobbies or travelling. But is this what makes your life meaningful? Does that glass of red wine in the evening and good food give your life purpose? On the other hand, do you even need a purpose? Maybe a hedonistic approach of taking just some simple pleasures from your existence is enough, but man I hope realisation won’t hit when you’re older that you have not tried anything of significance.
But all of that being said, this is not a reason to have kids. Kids are just a very straightforward way to add purpose, meaning, and fulfillment to your life. It is hard and exhausting and makes you angry and frustrated all the time, but this is also what makes life worth living. No one really wants to live wrapped in cotton candy. People who cannot or choose to not have kids can find fulfillment in other aspects of their life. But I’d argue that a sense of being a person close to other people, a social being with commitment and responsibility for someone else, is almost always necessary.
This is so well said. I was a dumbass until my son was born. Then everything in life was meaningless and my son became my sole purpose in life. My job became meaningless. My friends became meaningless. Everything was focused on being the best father I can be. What was interesting is that when I started getting less of a fuck at work, I started getting promoted and getting paid more. I had more confidence during interviews because I didn’t give a fuck about them.
Anyways to each their own, but I want to thank you for replying.
Thanks man. It’s insane how having a kid can change your perspective or focus. Like, yesterday I’ve been watching a crying two year old trying to figure out how to put on socks for 15 minutes and it was legit a beautiful and intense experience. I didn’t expect I would ever say that about watching someone failing to put on socks. (Today it worked for the first time!)
And somehow not giving a fuck in other parts of life where you used to give a fuck is so crass. I’m one of those people who cannot make a phone call to make a dentist appointment. But if it’s about my kid? Hand me the phone. I also am too tired now to give a crap about tiptoeing around issues or keeping my mouth shut when something is legitimately wrong.
As for work, I doubt I’ll go back to what I’ve been doing before. I’ll gladly take a pay cut but if I’m giving my child away to go to work I’m not going to do this for some bullshit job with no meaning.
Yeah totally, working and commuting to a job you can’t stand to have most of your income taken away by payments and loans. But at least you get to vacation to places that lie further away because you were able to save up more. Because long distance travelling will definitely fulfill every need and longing you have.
Now, back from the negative. To each their own. No one should have kids if they don’t want to. But a life without kids is also not just fun and cookies. In our society you are left with little time for yourself and your hobbies no matter whether you have kids or not. Most of us have no attachment to our jobs, we know they are bullshit jobs and salaries are compensating their lack of meaning. I can’t understand how people want to find fulfillment in their jobs, something to live for and to draw value for your life from. A minority does have important jobs that can give you a sense of meaning (I imagine nurses, social workers, teachers) but these are usually so underpaid and have such horrible working conditions that it circles back to how can you live for that. You’re replaceable. No one will thank you for your service down the line.
You can find joy in hobbies or travelling. But is this what makes your life meaningful? Does that glass of red wine in the evening and good food give your life purpose? On the other hand, do you even need a purpose? Maybe a hedonistic approach of taking just some simple pleasures from your existence is enough, but man I hope realisation won’t hit when you’re older that you have not tried anything of significance.
But all of that being said, this is not a reason to have kids. Kids are just a very straightforward way to add purpose, meaning, and fulfillment to your life. It is hard and exhausting and makes you angry and frustrated all the time, but this is also what makes life worth living. No one really wants to live wrapped in cotton candy. People who cannot or choose to not have kids can find fulfillment in other aspects of their life. But I’d argue that a sense of being a person close to other people, a social being with commitment and responsibility for someone else, is almost always necessary.
I'm bored and can't find meaning in my life. I'm going to procreate and make it somebody else's problemWell, I don’t love how you phrased it, but I’ll take it just so I can ask: and what’s wrong with that?
Selfish act
This is so well said. I was a dumbass until my son was born. Then everything in life was meaningless and my son became my sole purpose in life. My job became meaningless. My friends became meaningless. Everything was focused on being the best father I can be. What was interesting is that when I started getting less of a fuck at work, I started getting promoted and getting paid more. I had more confidence during interviews because I didn’t give a fuck about them.
Anyways to each their own, but I want to thank you for replying.
This just seems sad to me personally
Thanks man. It’s insane how having a kid can change your perspective or focus. Like, yesterday I’ve been watching a crying two year old trying to figure out how to put on socks for 15 minutes and it was legit a beautiful and intense experience. I didn’t expect I would ever say that about watching someone failing to put on socks. (Today it worked for the first time!)
And somehow not giving a fuck in other parts of life where you used to give a fuck is so crass. I’m one of those people who cannot make a phone call to make a dentist appointment. But if it’s about my kid? Hand me the phone. I also am too tired now to give a crap about tiptoeing around issues or keeping my mouth shut when something is legitimately wrong.
As for work, I doubt I’ll go back to what I’ve been doing before. I’ll gladly take a pay cut but if I’m giving my child away to go to work I’m not going to do this for some bullshit job with no meaning.