“Need to optimise out energy-output to reward ratio” hits hard. That’s everyday for me.

Exactly.

I call this “the fuck you trifecta”.

It’s an awful feeling when you’re putting some extra effort on something that is hard for you and at the same time you know that, the moment you finish, you don’t get to celebrate or share your joy with someone else because in the time you did that task some other person would have do that and three tasks more.

It’s always that feeling of no matter how much I try it’s never enough.

“Need to optimise out energy-output to reward ratio”

Yep, I need to make sure I somehow get enough reward response from the things I do. Otherwise doing things is just over for the day.

Maybe that’s also why I have trouble beginning to write a one pager, but beginning to write the new Lord of the Rings is easy. The promised reward at the end is just higher. That’s how I always explained that phenomenon to myself at least.

Ugh, I hate that this resonates.

Does medication help with this?