I am somehow immune to the stereotypical pickle and olive cravings, but I am devouring these almond-butter filled pretzel bites. I don’t even like hard pretzels. At least, I didn’t like them before! I also went and got my ears pierced this weekend. That felt right, somehow. I only got flat white gold studs, and my spouse says they look punk more than anything, but they somehow make my face feel smaller. I’ll take any win I can get.

I just want to say thank you for making this post. It felt pretty good to get my own feelings out in the open and validated by someone. Although painful, it’s also good to hear from others with similar experiences. None of us has to deal with this alone!

Are you me? I see quite a lot of parallels here. I am sorry you dealt with this, too. I haven’t started electrolysis yet (soon, hopefully) and a friend made a comment about my five o’clock shadow today. I was visibly upset to the point that my spouse was squeezing my hand. It wasn’t his fault since he doesn’t know yet, but it still stings.

I had a double whammy of “phantom pain” and it’s opposite of somehow also having parts that shouldn’t be there. It feels like the vagina that I should have been born with is aching to just be there and that the parts I do have are always just somehow in the way. They feel foreign, like a transplant that’s being rejected. The awful part is that the latter started when I was a very young child. I kept trying to “move it out of the way” and was always getting yelled at.

It took almost 30 years for me to fully grasp why these feelings were happening, and then I spent the next 10+ in an internal battle over whether to just give up on life or to keep going to keep my spouse happy. This essentially manifested as a kind of depression where I was withdrawn from everything that was happening around me. I just went through the daily motions with occasional small glimmers of the outside world, usually when something really good happened with my spouse around.

After starting GAHT, they straight up said to me “I’m glad to have you back! You’re actually here with me now”. Sometimes it’s almost a physical pain, and sometimes it’s a mental disconnect, and sometimes it would qualify as clinical depression. However, like everything else in this journey, we all go through the process differently. Your mileage may vary in transition, but it also likely varies on the way to starting, too.

If you haven’t read it yet, I strongly recommend reading The Gender Dysphoria Bible

Wait a minute, does that explain the HOTAS in my drawer? I don’t remember buying it. Or putting it there. But I do remember charging my Friendship Drive!

I wonder if I could mod the super cruise chromatic aberration to just be pink and blue? Or full of butterflies. That could be nice!

o7

You could try Philadelphia. They need teachers, the public transit is decent (but not amazing), housing has been below average for a long time, and the medical situation is really good. Most people are accepting and don’t really bother each other, unless you’re in South Philly by the stadiums or in some of the gang turf areas, but those aren’t the majority of the city. I lived there for a while and enjoyed it. Also Jefferson Health is amazing when it comes to tranagender care, and there are several places like the Mazzoni Center that make it ok there. The only issue is that the state is purple and Philly is blue, but the state legislature is definitely red. You never know what nonsense might come up next.

Whirlwind of a week! Spent it with my in-laws. We ran a race this weekend, and I wore my pride socks in public for the first time. The person in front of me at the starting line was wearing a progress pride flag as a cape, and I said “thank you”. My sister-in-law clued in and was asking my spouse what was going on while they ran, so after I set a new PR I came out to her. “Ok, as long as you’re happy” was almost immediately followed by the gobsmacked " omg, you must be really upset with things right now". So I guess that’s a win. It was nice being in a public place where I didn’t constantly hear hateful gibberish and saw people openly being themselves (including employees; those butterfly earrings were gorgeous!) so a good trip in all. My spouse’s parents still don’t know, though. One week at a time!

On another note, nobody told me voice training was going to be this bad. Yes, I followed the guides and the videos. I also see a professional. The LPR damage is making it very difficult, though!

That’s very brave of you. I don’t think I could cope with the pain of tweezers! I get razor bumps already and decided to try out at-home IPL, but it’s only been two weeks so I can’t comment on results yet.

I keep reading about this but I am missing something. Is it ok to start now even without a surgery date? If I finish electrolysis 6-18 months before a surgery date, do surgeons have an issue with this? I am intending to get on a schedule as soon as I am permitted to, so I want to get started on hair removal now. I just don’t want to hurt my chances with eventual surgery results.

Thanks! I’m going to need to work hard on this.

Also if neither of you have started yet, voice training and hair removal take FOREVER. They’re almost as slow as HRT itself, so get started as soon as you can, if you can/want that to be part of your transition. Honestly I wish I’d done the hair removal a decade ago even without transitioning. It just feels so much better!

I’m also a few weeks in and not seeing any changes. I am also on a t blocker, though I don’t know if it’s working yet as my first blood test isn’t for another month. It takes time. I feel a little different mentally, but I am physically still a giant hairy man.

My advice is to try and find one person you can absolutely trust and confide in them, if you can. It’s better to do this with help than alone. Maybe find a local-ish group that meets up in person and attend if you aren’t comfortable with people who know you. I find it odd to think about, but I am more comfortable discussing things with people I have never met but who share in my daily struggles than to talk with someone I know who doesn’t.

I’m sorry you had to go through that! I understand the sentiment of keeping it visible but close, which is why a necklace was my first thought as well. I might do that anyway to keep the original close when we get new rings. Thank you!

This is actually really sweet it in a way. I’m glad to know that others are comfortable just being outside of a “norm”. We’ve been together over 20 years and I’ve had the same ring the whole time, but I preferred to remove it while working. In my line of work, I had the same fears about degloving or electrocution. It’s gone the opposite direction for me though, in that it’s now so large even the silicone wraparound sizers aren’t big enough. I’ll take your suggestions into consideration, though. I’ve always loved plants, and there is a Polynesian cultural practice of wearing flowers like a plumeria on one side of the hair to indicate marital status. Not as practical in the winter, but it’s still something I think I’d enjoy.

You and Telorand both suggesting silicone sent me looking. It might be worth grabbing a “his and hers” set so I also have something to wear for now in boymode. I still haven’t told anyone but my spouse that I know in person so I need to stay under the radar while the hormones do their thing. This might not be a terrible idea. Thanks!

Thanks! Yes, I think I need to talk to the clinic. 50mg/day of spiro seems far too low for someone my size

Very jealous. I’m also my first week in on Spiro and E (and Finasteride, because boo hair loss) and I feel… Nothing? That said. I got to try out my first real outfit. Turns out I like skirts and shrugs. Even better when the skirt has pockets! I’m glad things are working for you, though. As with everyone on this journey, YMMV. Enjoy it!

It’s natural to be afraid of change, but I can tell you from someone in her 40’s, it’s never too late. Your family will love you for who you are, and your identity is something that YOU know. Life gets better when you can be yourself. Don’t do what I did and wait a decade to do something about it. There are people everywhere just like us and we help each other. There are professionals who can help you, and this path has been blazed by many before us. Stay on it, find yourself, and life gets so much better from there. Congratulations, sister!

If it helps you at all, I thought the same thing. I’m in my early 40’s, scared to death of what might happen in this political climate, and went through some very rough times in the last few years. I finally said enough last month and told my spouse. They’re helping me find clothing and picking out nail polish and going with me to my clinic appointments. Find the right people to support you and you can do anything. You can even be yourself, and it’s never too late.

I finally bought a set of my own polish (instead of using my spouse’s) and I have a light blue on the outer toes. They’re gorgeous! The little things do so much sometimes