I don’t know if I have a problem seeing myself. My problem is that who I see is ever so slightly different over time. I also know that the self-image I have is incongruent with many things. Gender. Age. Some basic physical features, like hair and eye color. It’s not just the visual, either. There’s a gap between how I carry myself today vs. how I feel I should be physically moving. How I sound is wrong. My scent isn’t correct, either. So while I don’t need to force myself to mentally conjure my self-image, it’s a struggle to keep it nailed down to a single me sometimes.

Negative; I am the willow tree you sit beneath for shade and comfort. I have always been here, and I will always be here. This is an enchanted forest, after all. What is a forest without it’s trees?

I’m taking this same journey right now as well. I was in a similar situation as you (mostly plain shirts and hiking pants, think “Eddie Bauer”). I also really want to branch out to more interesting styles. The one thing I’ve learned from my partner is that layering is pretty much essential unless it’s a scorching hot day. You can also seriously consider the same sources for your current clothing (Eddie Bauer’s Women’s section is not half bad for comfortable things that fit well, if a bit boring). You should consider that bottoms are possibly going to be tighter in some areas and looser in others unless or until hormones or surgery happen. I have a wide and sturdy ribcage, so tops all feel like they’re too tight, especially at the armpits. Sizing up is an option, but so are looser cuts and stretchy materials. I find that I like a tighter base top and something loose to go over it like a hoodie, wrap, or shrug.

Experimentation is the only way to really learn anything. You can always try to abuse the Amazon “try 5 things out” nonsense, or find a shop that’s trans-affirming or go to the next city over if you’re shy and just try on everything until you find what you like. I have known people, especially my mother, to spend an entire day trying on clothing and buy one or two items. Or a dozen! I actually find the shopping and discovery part of this to be fun and a little relaxing. Think of it less as a chore or a scary task and more like a way to explore yourself and your identity, then make a fun day out of it!

I hear this a lot, but what qualifies as a “thrift” store in this case? Are we suggesting places like a Goodwill, or something else? I live in a pretty rural area, but I can get to a moderate city occasionally. My area is pretty much only Goodwill or WalMart/Target. What is everyone seeing in their minds when they hear “thrift store”?

Now why did you have to go and post this? I guess I need to figure out what “submissive” and “rope bunny” mean now.

I petition to make this the official bottom surgery recovery companion!

I’m going to show my bias here, but 🇺🇸Star Trek belongs on the list. All of them, but especially The Next Generation for being a comfort show. It has non-binary character representation, self-realization, the betterment of humanity in general, the need to adhere to principles, and just a general hopeful view of the future of humanity. Follow it up with the other series and you can get everything from the Trill being a sort of trans allegory to a non-binary recurring character and several different sexual orientations, and even confronting inner demons to show that hopeful and moral truths can win out over hatred and deviousness. And you can even have fun while doing it!

I came out to a friend this weekend. She was a house guest for a while and managed to be an amazing person the whole time! I had such a good weekend just existing as myself for a while that it was almost overwhelming. I was telling my spouse how I felt and that I was so happy, and I haven’t felt this happy in so long. I just started crying from the joy.

I saw her in the mirror.

I brought her out to be seen.

I am her.

Take care of yourself! A little bit of maintenance can prevent a whole lot of suffering.

Congratulations! So glad to see my translater folx getting their authentic selves realized 🫂

Feel free to send DMs if you want to have a longer chat about this. I’m headed for general anesthesia tomorrow for an unrelated procedure (see, we have normal human things like everyone else!) so I’m sure I’ll be meeting another nice surgical technician like you before I go under. I’ve been through a whirlwind lately, and my post history isn’t even half of it, so I am sure there’s much to discuss. Thanks again for remembering the human part of healthcare!

Have you tried changing your exercises? I found that marathon running wasn’t doing much after a few years. As soon as I started cycling (zwift/gravel bikes) I started losing more weight. I got my BMI from 32 to 25 on the bikes and a good diet, but not a “fad” diet. Just eating well and less

Fat cell “memory” is a misnomer. Adipose tissue ( brown fat cells) are storage. They get created to store extra fat when no others are available. When they empty, they stick around until natural cell death happens, which is anywhere from 3-5 years. MtF redistribution just changes where the body makes new cells, so the ones you have still do their thing until attrition happens. There is some truth to “weight cycling” in that you try to get the new cells to show up where you want, but it also fills the old ones until they get reabsorbed.

1600 might actually be preventing you from losing the way you want. You might try 1700-1800. You don’t want to go into starvation mode, as you might lose lean muscle instead. This is a slow journey. Healthy weight loss and transition both have that in common. Belly fat is the last to go on most people, and fat redistribution can take multiple years when starting later.

Find outfits that work with your shape. Find joy in the time and the process. Find peace with yourself on the way there. You aren’t alone in any part of this!

Either way, I consider this a pretty short timeline, though I really wish I could have had my orchi when I started HRT in 2023, that insurance requirement to wait a year is blatant transphobia.

That is a short timeline! I’m happy that you were able to move this fast!

In visits before the operation I did ask the PA and nurses about what to expect in terms of sensation, function, etc.

This has always been a thing that worries me. I’m mostly concerned with functionality, though obviously we would all like like have all 3 be perfect. I’m glad you were able to find the procedure you were hoping for!

I was shocked to find that I was so extremely happy with the results, and that led to some happy sobbing.

Joy really is the end goal, isn’t it?

Ok, actual question time!

• How long was the waitlist, or the time between your consultation and the scheduled surgery date?
• Which PIV method did you get? I was looking at a specific method in the northeast and am trying to get an orchi ASAP with a request to preserve some tissue for a specific method, and am wondering if this is the same method. This seems like a VERY short time in the OR.
• Did you discuss personal priorities with your doctor? I have in mind the juxtaposition of sensation vs function vs aesthetics.
• Last one: how big was your grin when you woke up and realized everything was the way it should be?

Thank you for even thinking about these questions! Remember that trans patients are patients, and while some things can be due to medical transition, not everything is. Unless it’s specifically transition-related care, most of us are just there for a stomach bug, or a headache, or the same procedures everyone else is getting. Ask our pronouns, ask our preferred names, make us feel like all of your other patients. This goes such a long way to making it a good experience. When it does come down to gender expression or transition-related things, ask about preferences and goals. Not everyone is binary. Even the binary among us have different options and plans. And sometimes, we can change our minds about things! Don’t stop being an inquisitive person. Learning gives you options and understanding and empathy, and those are the best tools you can have as a caregiver. Thank you for doing what you do!

I’m super happy for you! Get some rest and I wish you a speedy recovery!

Uh, since when was transgender identity a sexuality? One of these things is not like the others.

Congratulations! I"m happy to hear that you’ve decided to help yourself out. There’s a wonderful journey ahead of you! I’m only a few months ahead of you on that journey, so please feel free to reach out if there’s anything you want to discuss. Welcome to the rest of your new life, sister!