I like women. I like the shape and curves of the female body. I like boobs, I like asses, I like pretty vaginas. I also appreciate and am aroused by a nice cock. I’m however not otherwise attracted to the male body. I like femboys as long as they have a feminine-like shape and curves, as many of them do.
WTF is my sexual orientation?
I once read a personal ad - “single white female, 8 inch clit”
We have too many labels. You’re a human who knows what you like today. It’s ok if something totally different floats your boat tomorrow.
That is the best thing I’ve read all day. 10/10 personal ad
Totally agree. I’m not sure why everyone focuses so hard on determining how many letters there are in their alphabet. 5 years from now it might be totally diff. It would be so refreshing if people simply said “Here’s what floats my boat today”
I guess the + in LBGTQHA+ could be replaced with WFYB , for convenience.
Strictly speaking, that’s simply bisexual. Femboys are boys. That being said, there is no “correct” answer here that anyone else can give you.
The correct label is the one that helps you navigate the world and your own needs the best. If bisexual fits, congrats, that’s it. If it doesn’t, it’s not, and your search continues :)
I wouldn’t say bisexual makes sense categorically for anyone who dislikes half of the masculinity/femininity spectrum. I mean it is a bit different with femboys, but I also suspect attraction there is very superficial (esp. if the look uses silicone body stuff) and likely wouldn’t work as much in-person especially on a relationship level.
There is the term gynephilia, though I also don’t expect something like that to be casually mentioned/understood/accepted. In which case, no good answer I guess.
I wouldn’t say bisexual makes sense categorically for anyone who dislikes half of the masculinity/femininity spectrum.
Bisexual is simply someone that is attracted more than one gender. Nothing to do with masculinity or femininity, so in this case, as I said, it’s a perfectly acceptable label. But if it doesn’t help the OP navigate the world or understand themselves, then it’s not the right label for them. If gynephilia does help them, then that’s the right term.
Its not bisexual, assuming bisexual means in this context a biologically born man who is equally sexually attracted to gay men and straight women, or bi men and bi women.
It also is not pansexual, as there’s clearly /I don’t actually have equal sexual attraction to literally anyone/ going on.
I am actually like this too, have been for a long time.
Now, I do not want to presume to speak for this person, so the rest of this is just me.
Maybe they can chime in and agree or disagree.
Absolutely not attracted to men, of any kind of presentation.
But… I’d love to fall in love with a woman who could peg me, or a transwoman. I’d fellatio a transwoman’s unit no problem. But not a gay man, or a bi man.
So… by that, we’ve got what used to be called basically a kinky guy?
And while I am an lgtbq ally (or arguably member), Ive always been comfortable with my own male body, and basically present as a cis male.
So, its some new kind of sexuality/gender there is not really a name for yet.
At least for me, it isn’t femboy, as I have 0 interest in being essentially a feminine cross dresser with very submissive personality traits and cutesy uwu affectations.
I have nothing against femboys, but I personally would not be interested in a romantic or sexual relationship with one.
assuming bisexual means in this context a biologically born man who is equally sexually attracted to gay men and straight women
Bisexual doesn’t mean that… Bisexual means someone who is attracted to two or more genders…
At least for me, it isn’t femboy
The OP explicitly said they’re attracted to femboys, so their experience is different to yours.
The only person who can say whether bisexual is the right label for the OP though is the OP. But if they feel it fits, it fits exactly the experience they’ve described.
Hrm, every self professed bi person I’ve ever met described themselves the way I described them as, likewise with every pan person.
Didn’t realize the the definition of bi had changed.
Today I Learned, I guess.
I’d call that polysexual, if it means attraction to 2+ genders, though I get that the term comes from back before gender itself was really widely critically analyzed.
And of course polysexual would be confused with polyamorous.
But yes, you are correct this is the modern definition, so I guess I am bi then.
But I’d never like identify openly as bi, because, again, everyone I’ve ever met /not on the internet/ would think that means I like dudes and gals.
Bi has never meant “equal attraction.” Have you not heard of the Kinsey Scale? There are multiple levels of bisexuality.
Ah, yes, I have. I shouldn’t have phrased it as equal attraction, perhaps, ‘willingness to sexually engage with either sex’.
Though isn’t the Kinsey Scale now woefully out of date anyway, as it comes from research in the America of 1948 and 1953, only considering essentially men and women, and hetero and homosexuality, when it is now understood that gender is actually distinct from sex?
It hasn’t. The bisexual manifesto, going back to 1990 for example, said the following
Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or dougamous in nature; that we must have “two” sides or that we MUST be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders.
Huh, I hadn’t read it. Everyone I know / knew who identified as bi in the 00s or 10s explained it to me as I said, and that does seem to be the general public understanding of the term by anyone Ive talked to in person in the last 5 years or so.
Ive also had self professed pan people explain bisexuality to me as I originally described it as recently as 2 years ago.
And that is ultimately why everyone gets to pick their own labels irrelevant of discussions like the one we’re having. It’s all subjective and malleable over time!
Absofuckinglutely, in particular there’s far too much assumption out there that bi people must be poly - it’s a large portion of why I shifted my chosen label to pan… that and because there was briefly a strong anti-trans bisexual movement.
Bisexual is defined as attraction to more than one gender, where gender is a component of the attraction. So if you 96% like one gender, 3% another, and 1% yet another, that’s bi. If you’re 60/40, that’s bi too. Bi = multiple genders where gender plays a factor. It has never meant only 50/50.
Pansexual is attraction to people where gender doesn’t play a role. Pansexuals’ patterns may look like a bisexual’s patterns because they date across genders, but the attraction matrix is different.
Finsexual (Gynesexual) is attracted to feminine traits generally. Whether penis or vagina, it is the femininity they like. I can speak to this as this is me. I like feminity, not necessarily women particularly. I use bisexual as shorthand because most people “get” that.
Solid definitions:
https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/Bisexual
https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/Pansexual
https://queerdom.fandom.com/wiki/FinsexualFinsexual
200% blahaj
I’ve never met a bi person who insisted that they’re attraction to the genders were equal. Many had preferences (mostly into women, but defintely go with certain guys) and many had phases (more into men today, but was previously crushing hard on that girl). It’s one of the commonly talked about sources of bianxiety, that you can go through a period where you start thinking “am I really bi? Maybe I’m just straight / gay” and then you see someone and remember “no, I’m totally bi”. Bi erasure is such a thing it even effects bi folks! (source am bi, have lots of bi friends)
I think Hetroflexable is more of a fit for OP
Idk, sexual orientations are just labels we make up to make sense of the world.
“Femmesexual” sounds kind of cool though.
I think the term gynosexual already covers it. But yeah, if it’s pretty, fuck it. Labels are a useful shorthand but not always necessary.
For me “gyno” has connotations of biological sex/female genitalia because of its use in biology and gynacology etc.
So I picked femme because it’s more about gender presentation.
But everyone’s different. Whatever makes OP happy.
Also finsexual. They’re pretty much synonymous.
I guess you’re some flavor of bisexual as you are attracted to some men (based on the femboy remark) though you’ve got a distinct preference for femininity even in men. If you go scrolling through old Tumblr posts long enough you’ll probably find a term someone coined back in 2013 for your exact orientation… But, like, IDK man don’t overthink it. If anyone asks just say whatever feels right in that moment, straight/bi/pan/whatever.
And remember saying you identify with a particular orientation isn’t some huge commitment. Saying you’re bi (for instance) doesn’t mean you’re attracted to all men, and no reasonable person would expect that. We all have preferences within our orientation.
AITA?
No. You’re figuring it out. It’s okay to not have all the answers
Edit: dear learned and thoughtful internet friends, here “sexual” functions as a self-deprecating double entendre, the thinly veiled meaning of which is “attraction irrespective of sex or gender” or, in the common tongue, “colossal whore.”
So I am altering this comment for clarity. Pray I do not alter it any further.
—
If anyone asks just say whatever feels right in that moment, straight/bi/pan/whatever.
Especially in mixed company, my go-to is *-sexual where the wildcard * is silent. Those who don’t know will hear a non-answer to a rude question, but your friends will recognize it as candor.
It also sidesteps the tiresome bi/pan distinction and avoids the least favorable option: “straight.”
Right, I’m not atheist but nor do I believe in the “god” of abrahamic religions, or the pantheons of others, nor that Buddha literally reincarnated; But I do believe there is some force or meaning behind existence. So I’m just “spiritual.” Sometimes a general label can work
Agreed, though to be clear, by this analogy I meant belief in all gods.
As long as, you know, they’re hot. In the scriptural sense of course.
the joy of scrolling through everything feed
Me too. Alllll the way to the bottom of Lemmy we go …
What you are today is not what you’ll be tomorrow. Let yourself be. You don’t owe explanations to anyone about what you like.
Sexuality is a spectrum that doesn’t have clean boundaries. Some people exist in an area that could be considered “straight,” for example, but there aren’t hard walls blocking straight people from leaving or queer people from entering.
The less you try to define your sexuality and the more you try to be comfortable with liking what you like, the happier you’ll be.
+1 to this for sure. Applies for gender identity too. Speaking just for myself, the longer it’s been since I transitioned the less my actual labeled identity has mattered, to the point that these days I just say “nonbinary” and move on. It’s what makes a lot of the “what is a woman” rhetoric baffling, given the label and definition matters so little in day to day life.
My bf comes off pretty much straight, but he describes himself as pansexual and attracted to feminine people. It’s cool to see him engage with the queer community despite being more or less able to “pass” as cishet if he wanted to, and his nebulous labeling was really helpful in settling my nerves as a newly-out trans woman. Less worrying about whether or not I was woman enough, more just hearing him say he likes me and that’s that.
Yep! I feel similar to your bf myself, actually, but I try not to describe myself that way except to people like my partner. I feel that at this point, itd be closer to stolen Valor in my case. I honestly feel it’d put more queer people at odds with me, so I just call myself straight with caveats.
Glad to hear things seem to be going well for you!
It always depends but tbh I hope you feel free to use whatever terminology you find useful to describe yourself! and I think there’s no valor that can be stolen, identity is what you make for yourself. It’s always a joy to learn someone I know is queer in any form. Lots of us have had times where we’ve doubted how we describe ourselves too and gatekeeping labels doesn’t tend to help anyone. You will come across people who do here and there, I did myself, but in my super objective opinion they’re annoying, smell bad, and stifle people just trying to figure themselves out. Labels are just tools for further conversation and more people using queer labels is a good thing.
Hey I’ve got the same preferences as you. I just go with bisexual and call it a day.
I will second this ^
why would you be an asshole for being attracted to cock?
You get out there and suck a few girl cocks. Only then will you know the truth of your desires. I mean how bad could it be? Personally wouldn’t worry about it. If the dude who’s cock you’re sucking thinks you’re not gay then I would trust him.
Congrats! You’re human.
What incredibly enough hasn’t been brought up yet, is the distinction between gender preference and genital preference. In heteronormativity they’re assumed to be the same, but in reality they’re not. This way of thinking also lends itself to the flexibility you’re describing; note the word “preference”.
I long ago decided that is humans aren’t attracted to “male” or “female”, we’re attracted to “masculinity” or “femininity”. Gender has nothing to do with it.
It’s why, like you, I can be attracted to a feminine looking trans woman, but not a masculine looking one, or a dude.
it’s why homosexuals can be masculine or feminine (bear or boujee), and be attracted to one or three other, or both.
Masculinity and feminity has nothing to do with whether one has a cock or a vagina.
Masculinity and femininity are broad terms that encompass physical and social traits. I don’t think it’s possible to narrow it down quite like you have there.
My own experience of attraction has very little to do with social presentation of masculinity or femininity for example.
The only thing I’m commenting on is the “AITA”:
If anything then only for asking that question - don’t be mean to yourself like that.
Exactly… I was so confused by the AITA thing. Maybe OP meant to put a different acronym and wrote AITA by mistake?
“all I think about” instead of “am I the asshole”?
Oh, that makes a lot of sense… Never heard of this acronym before, but it fits much better.
Your a Wizard, an Ishtar sent by the Valar.
By Manwë and Varda they’re right… though I think there’s a fair argument that Mithrandir is not only sent by the Valar but actually an avatar of Manwë themselves.
