Watching a playthrough of the God of War franchise: “who’s this Kratos guy, he seems like a bad-ass…”
Returns home, founds a new religion: “No, see, Ares IS cool and all, but I’m telling you, someone’s going to come along and beat his ass…”
Well, cats are still worshiped as they gods they are, so that’s good. Ra and Anubis, and especially Thoth, are shadows of themselves, so that’s disheartening. The enduring brilliance of Ra is self-evident: the sun still rises. The extent to which people have fallen in moral decadence and false idol worship, so far that they’ve forgotten and taken for granted the source of all life, is immeasurably disappointing.
Cat jumps down from pedestal and rubs itself against your leg.
BEHOLD IT’S THE LONG AWAITED PHAROAH!
(thanks for the catnip Walmart)
“Why are the winning athletes no longer burned? Sky God gets cranky when he’s hungry.”
Well, for starters, I probably piss my loincloth in terror at the magic around me. I fall into a gibbering mass seeking the favor of whatever my city’s patron god is, that he/she will protect me from the sorcerers around me who conjure lights, images and sounds from their magic tablets. I then run screaming as they surround me and speak incantations at me in their arcane language and try to take a hold of me to do unspeakable things to me. Finally, I either succumb to one of the great, colorful beasts which zip by, hunting on great black stretches of black rock. Or, if I am lucky, I find a knife and kill myself before the sorcerers can devour my soul.
The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul.
Removed by mod
They bleed gold stuff? This movie sucks!
Christianity: Wow, I thought we were against idol worship? Oh well.
Buddhism: Oh man, those newfangled LED lights at the pagoda are so cool.
Ancient Norse: This is exactly as I pictured it. I feel completely validated.
Ancient Egyptian: You made paint out of what!?
Ancient Mayan: You do realize we just ran out of space on that calendar stone, right? Your desk calendar only goes to like 2025, should I assume you think the world is going to end then? I mean no, because of course not.
Romans: Oh neat, our gods have their own planets now.
Greek: Wait what? We only get the one planet? And the name sounds like what part of the anatomy? I mean come on, the Romans basically copied our religion!
Ancestor worship: Yo, we need to have a serious talk. You need to stop burning paper offerings of gold bars and currency at the altars. You think inflation in the USA is bad now? Wait until you see the afterlife.
Taoist: You got more or less everything wrong, but that’s expected. The Path only exists in contrast to that which is not the Path. Some people may pervert the Path for their own profit; without them, there is no Path. Seriously though – you paid how much for a ghostbusting service?
oh. anyways.
🍿
Ooga booga (I traveled from 2.5 million years ago)
Fuck yeah!
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deleted by creator
deleted by creator
Checks earth
No demons
Checks mars
No demons
Checks GOP
Hmmmmm
Checks ammo
