Title. I go about my day-to-day life as a man still even though I don’t entirely feel that way. But then again, how do I feel? It’s weird, I really strongly identify with the nb flag; it makes me super happy when I look at it. I want to be like other enbies but it’s hard to do so because I feel so stuck in the way I present myself now. I would feel super stupid making a change to myself, you know?
Anyways, I guess I just wanted to use the opportunity of this new site by asking you all for advice. Have you been in this situation before? What should I do? Thanks, love you all. <3
koi
When I first started changing my presentation, I did feel stupid. Somehow it’s easy to get so used to the way things are that changing feels ridiculous. At the end of the day, they’re just clothes (or a hairstyle, or finger nails, name, whatever) but it definitely doesn’t feel that way. If you find a way to not feel that, let me know.
But I will say: that feeling goes away eventually. If you’re drawn to present differently than you do, take small steps to slowly expand your comfort zone. I started by wearing feminine clothes for at-home dates with my partner. One of my female friends asked to paint my nails once and gave me her nail polish to keep–since then my nails have been painted almost 24/7. Eventually I bought women’s jeans–no one could tell the difference but I knew and that made me feel better. I wear mascara occasionally. I got my ears pierced and most of the time wear androgynous earrings. I switched out my baggy t-shirts for more form fitting ones. Once I got comfortable wearing dresses at home, I started wearing them to friends’ houses. Once I was comfortable there I started wearing them anywhere I felt like. Etc…
Don’t overwhelm yourself, take it slow. Push your comfort zone but don’t go so far so fast that you feel bad, it should feel okay the whole time. And if it’s too much ever, just slow down even more or stop entirely for a bit. No need to rush, just figure it out step by step
thank you, this is really great advice! <3
I was lucky enough to have an environment (flatmates, close friends) where I felt comfortable just trying around with presentation, names, pronouns, where I also felt safe about them not gossiping about me or anything like that.
And, when trying something new, it’s normal to not have it quite figured out and there’s going to be things that you’re not sure about and that don’t stick, but in my experience, there were also some things that I noticed felt great and right and good.
You can start with small things, like nail polish in nb colors or stuff like that :)
Just one last note: I totally get looking up to other nb folk that seem to have it all figured out, but: a) they probably haven’t! and b) it’s important to think about what you want and feel comfortable with. Making baby steps is fine, figuring out some things you like on other people feel awkward on you is fine!
wishing you all the best in trying stuff out <3
Im kinda new at this as well, but I had a goal for how I wanted to present before I realized I was nb. If you have a goal like that, take small steps towards it, and see if you still like it
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It can help immensely to have a support network of individuals that you feel safe around to explore your identity with.
I had a group of online friends, mostly non-gender-confirming, when I opened up, and that I’m not sure I would’ve done it without them.
If you’re not in that privileged position, you can always just start to explore your identity on your own, and intentionally visiting spaces where queer and non-gender confirming individuals frequent with the intent of making friends if that feels right.
One of the simplest ways you could start would be painting your finger nails, or getting your ears pierced. Whatever feels right.
The more you outwardly express your inner self, the more you’ll attract others that align with you.
Build it and they will come!
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Hi Gleason, I see your point of view and I used to see it that way too.
Think of biology as a bunch of sliders. One controls something obvious like genitals. But it’s not always set to ‘male’ or ‘female’; there’s a lot of variety. Then there’s another slider for something less visible, like hormones. These can shape our brain development and how we perceive our gender from the start.
When it comes to gender identity, it’s like the unique mix that comes from these different sliders. Some identify with ‘he’, others with ‘she’, and many others fall somewhere else on or off this spectrum. Each identity is unique and valid in its own right.
Biology is way more complex than one might realize at first. Even something as seemingly simple as gender has many complexities. And then we aren’t even talking about psychology and other topics yet!
