I feel like I am not part of this world and just a outside observer. It doesn’t matter if good or bad things happen because I am disconnected from it all and just watching. When I talk to someone there is an invisible layer between us and we can’t communicate that well because we are part of two different worlds. The way I see things, hear things, feel things… are all different from everyone else. Very few seem to be able to relate to me about just a small array of things.

Lies, this is the best use of my time, the voices said so.

back on the chans

I wish I could find a girlfriend there. Those kind of women who don’t leave the house much, but I’m attracted to them, as they are as moody and dystopian as I’ve been in the past. I could talk to them all day, beating whatever depression is remaining, by sharing problems and making them vanish. I did so via Reddit, as there you can write to people in private. It was pleasant until they found the next best opportunity. As a girl it’s probably not hard to find another platonic opportunity, but easy to miss the true bro for life. I don’t think it’s misogynistic to point that out.

But on Chans there are mostly, to me unattractive, gay guys or racists and occasionally a thot (which probably is a guy too. lol). Separated by anonymity, together alone, never to find each other.

The thought of two individuals perfectly fitting together, but missing each other by a random event and then dying alone, is what makes life so strange to me. If only we’d be more aware of the moment. How many chances of real life events did I miss, that were my possible partner? How many people read this comment and moved on instead of sending me a PM?

Is it because we shame oversharing and look down upon people who do? We should stop shaming sharing people.

Damn, this shows up just after I spent 2hrs discussion with random strangers on disc and holy shit, it fits so well I’m rethinking everything