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The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny: Home of the Haha@lemmy.world · 8 days ago

They're here to save your soul

lemmy.world

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  • cross-posted to:
  • exmormon@lemmy.world
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They're here to save your soul

lemmy.world

The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world to Funny: Home of the Haha@lemmy.world · 8 days ago
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93
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  • cross-posted to:
  • exmormon@lemmy.world
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  • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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    7 days ago

    Cum with us!

  • ssillyssadass@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    No thanks, Satan gave me a good deal for mine.

  • Deflated0ne@lemmy.world
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    8 days ago

    Nah. They’re shopping for a third.

    • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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      8 days ago

      More specifically, a handmaid.

      • prole
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        7 days ago

        …may the lord open

        • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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          7 days ago

          Blessed be the fruit.

      • supercriticalcheese@lemmy.world
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        8 days ago

        What type of… handjobs?

        • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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          8 days ago

          The kind of jobs where you use your hands to do all of their housework for them for free while bearing the husband’s children.

        • ZeffSyde@lemmy.world
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          7 days ago

          It’s not a sin if you keep your grip still while a third bounces on the bed.

          • hovercat
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            7 days ago

            The classic Provo soak+jump hump

    • RedAggroBest@lemmy.world
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      7 days ago

      Nah, they’re Mormons. They’re actually this crazy

  • VirgilMastercard@reddthat.com
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    8 days ago

    Spencer definitely wants to film his wife being nailed by another man

    • entwine413@lemm.ee
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      8 days ago

      He wants to be the one to jump on the bed.

      • Billiam@lemmy.world
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        8 days ago

        We can only assume that if soaking isn’t premarital sex, then it can’t be extramarital sex either.

    • eestileib
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      8 days ago

      Good for Spencer.

    • teamevil@lemmy.world
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      7 days ago

      Maybe Spencer wants her to film him getting the nailing

      • funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works
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        7 days ago

        hey bi switch vers people exist yannow

        • teamevil@lemmy.world
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          7 days ago

          That’s fine…but Spencer’s wife is probably in the dark. Because he doesn’t accept himself

  • ceenote@lemmy.world
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    8 days ago

    I’ll go to your church, you come to my orgy. Fair is fair, right?

    • 6nk06@sh.itjust.works
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      Imagine the uproar if you went to a church and said “you’re so prudish, you need to fuck more, come to Tinder.”

    • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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      8 days ago

      Joseph Smith: “No need to make them exclusive.”

    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
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      8 days ago

      Oh sweet summer child.

      The church IS the orgy. Now here, have some Kool aid, we’re going to see the face of God together.

      • SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world
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        8 days ago

        Liar, this is Flavor Aid.

  • underwire212@lemm.ee
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    7 days ago

    Ah yes because Jesus was known for his condescending, judgmental attitudes against others.

  • Zip2@feddit.uk
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    7 days ago

    Can bukake be used as a baptism if it happens in a church?

    • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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      The church I grew up believed in immersion, not sprinkling. It’s not a no, but it’s gonna be more difficult.

      • Zip2@feddit.uk
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        6 days ago

        Logistical problems aside, if it’s a non-Newtonian fluid, it’s going to be an issue.

        • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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          We’ll deal with them walking on it if and when it happens

      • Tangent5280@lemmy.world
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        7 days ago

        I am church contracted cum supplier, noseplugs sold separately

    • prole
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      7 days ago

      Now there’s a brand new sentence (probably)

      • funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works
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        7 days ago

        nah I bet you could find a dozen death metal bands with that as the lyrics

    • knightmare1147@lemmy.world
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      7 days ago

      Thank you, Internet.

    • Omega@discuss.online
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      7 days ago

      What the fuck

      • Zip2@feddit.uk
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        7 days ago

        Well it’s obvious Becca wants to open up and be filled with the Holy Spirit, and that got me thinking.

        Let’s face it, that question has probably been at least thought of by Catholic priests before.

  • BodePlotHole@lemmy.world
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    8 days ago

    If I saw this in the wild, I’d immediately hire the most attractive single person I could find to reply to this ad, go to church with them, and low-key try to have sex with either/both of them on the side

  • Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    7 days ago

    my partner and I did some butthole fingering at midnight up against a church the year we started dating

    we’ve been together for 13 years

    thank you jesus

    • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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      7 days ago

      It’s called the loophole!

      • DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social
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        7 days ago

        If the loophole works it means God is okay with gay sex

        • JackbyDev@programming.dev
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          Why do you think he put the prostate up there? 🤭

    • outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      My first time was while vandalizing a church. Yeah it was pretty great. Be this couple’s unicorn.

  • hperrin@lemmy.ca
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    The sound like the second most insufferable couple ever, right after the couple that is going through a very public breakup right now.

  • dylanmorgan@sh.itjust.works
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    8 days ago

    Would. Both of them.

    • Sivecano@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      7 days ago

      The only correct response

    • pleasegoaway@lemm.ee
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      7 days ago

      “Come with us”

  • humanspiral@lemmy.ca
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    But you guys will put out after Church, right?

    • LandedGentry@lemmy.zip
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      8 days ago

      During.

    • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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      They did don some crazy underwear in anticipation of the event. Also, polyamory is definitely on the table if they’re true to their founder’s beliefs and actions.

      • RedAggroBest@lemmy.world
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        Don’t sully polyamory with the misogyny that is polygamy. They want multiple wives to have multiple women to control

        • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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          I don’t think polygamy has to be misogynistic, although I agree that’s the way its been overwhelmingly applied throughout recorded history. It could hypothetically be misandrist if power dynamics had the opposite gender polarity. I think the core issue is the power imbalance being expressed in the construction of a harem. Anyway, I think of polyamory as the broad term and polygamy as an unfortunate subset of it, designed to legally and unilaterally enforce an inequitable and exploitive type of polyamorous relationship by members of one gender against the members of another. That’s a pretty broad generalization of gender, sex, and orientation dynamics, but I’m not an expert in the field. I assume there’s still some kind of conventional, ontological hierarchy with corresponding terminology. I think that’s what I was reaching for.

          • RedAggroBest@lemmy.world
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            It’s about the term. Polyamory and Polygamy could basically mean the same thing if polygamy wasn’t already having heavy ties to a man controlling a harem of women.

            • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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              4 days ago

              Yeah, connotation and context are important.

  • Sidyctism II.@discuss.tchncs.de
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    i dont care if you call him “little extra jesus”, spencer, PUT HIM AWAY IN CHURCH

  • kubica@fedia.io
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    Disgusting.

    • klu9@piefed.social
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      I’ve got nothing against their kind per se, but do they have to shove it down our throats?

      • Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world
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        Kinda. The most powerful, fastest growing and largest religions seem to depend on aggressive proselytizing.

  • Lord Wiggle@lemmy.world
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    I’m willing to go to church on her, not interested in the guy though

    • BenLeMan@lemmy.world
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      As long as you only soak it, he won’t be able to object.

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