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Dysphoria is a reeeeeeal bitch, and undermines the best of days. I was out and about having a fantastic saturday shopping for a new outfit. I am trying on a few dresses when I hear a store attendant yell, “this the womens changing room, please leave now!!” I just froze, half naked and all the dysphoria hit. I then hear someone yell back, “I dont care, I am trying on womens clothes”. You would think I would be relieved that it wasnt me.
I walked out and it felt like the whole world was staring at me. All my joy and confidence was sapped for the rest of the day. I havent been misgendered in over a decade, live freely as myself… And yet. My daughter, she holds me up so much.
Just like when a nearby parent is scolding their child who happens to have the same name as you :/
My long distance girlfriend is visiting me 😁 we’ve been over the moon
Mostly good, a little frustrating. Worried about the near future.
Just had my first psych session in a while today, I’d tried to start it a while ago to stop things getting where they are now. Instead I’m just focussing on recovery, it’ll be weird to look back on this one day and realise I feel okay again.
I’ve had a few very scary experiences, a second visit to the ER and lots of revelations about myself. I’ll live, but learning to live with myself is going to take a while. My one lifting thought is that I’ll be a better person for this, but it should never have had to come at such a cost.
If anyone else is going through stuff rn, I’m so sorry. Do what you can to take care of yourself, seek support and most of all try to be kind to yourself. I know how you feel, and I’m sorry.
