Not gonna go deep in to details, but, I just happen to live in a place where importing from internet is complicated and expensive and there’s literally zero local business that sells queer stuff.

And even if I could get the stuff easily I must come out first and I’m not sure if I’m even actually trans. I am just overwhelmed by how unable I am to just express my real self irl and I have to do it via internet which makes me feel like a faker even more.

  • Thadah D. Denyse
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    4 days ago

    The feeling that you’re not able to show your real identity to the real world is pretty telling by itself. Being in an unsafe place where you can’t express yourself properly is not the same thing as not being trans.

    Remember that it’s not clothes, hormones or our looks what makes us trans, but that deep, often unexplainable feeling that something is wrong. Please stay safe and take care. If you need someone to talk to, I’m always open for dms 💜.

    • Kyoko (Drakon)OP
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      4 days ago

      Thanks for the support! 🩷 I just wish I was able to express my self like some of the trans girls I follow. I want to do a feminization workout but I neglect it so many times and idk how I should re start and avoid stop doing the exercises this time.

      • Thadah D. Denyse
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        2 days ago

        If you want to restart the workout, go for it! But only if you feel like it’s something you want to do and the action or results will bring you joy.

        You don’t have to prove anything to anybody. Your identity is only yours to decide and enjoy!

  • SuperNovaStar
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    4 days ago

    Well you seem pretty darn trans to me, girl. Please don’t feel like a faker, all the feelings you’re expressing are extremely relatable ❤️

    • Kyoko (Drakon)OP
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      4 days ago

      Thank you for the support! People says that I’m pretty transfem coded but my insecurity makes me feel that I can’t be cuz I lived as a gay man for like 18-20 years and is just these days when the questioning thing became more and more hard to ignore 🥲😭

      • SuperNovaStar
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        4 days ago

        There are so many transfems who started off believing they were gay men. That 100% does not disqualify you 😅

        Also, gender is pretty unique to the individual. There are so many ways to express yourself! I wouldn’t worry too much about whether you “deserve” to use a particular label (words are all made up anyways!), just be yourself and describe yourself however you find is useful.

        • Kyoko (Drakon)OP
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          4 days ago

          Is just that is hard for me to consider myself a trans girl. I want to be more feminine, yes. But I don’t know if I’ll be feminine enough. I’m so insecure about it. Idk how much of an egg stereotype I am but at the end I jusst want to be more free with my gender. And rn I don’t think I can do that

          • SuperNovaStar
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            4 days ago

            I just want to be more free with my gender

            well what’s stopping you?

            btw “transfeminine” is an umbrella term for anyone who’s gender expression is more feminine than their assigned gender at birth. This can also include femboys (if they want it to). It does not mean that you have to refer to yourself as a woman or a girl or use she/her pronouns.

            Do whatever speaks to you and discard the rest. Nothing is required ❤️

            • Kyoko (Drakon)OP
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              4 days ago

              Probably my whole conservative enviorement. As I said before, I dont think would be able to keep a skirt or thighs or any thing I want to try in secret. I barely can shave and dont even have proper shaving tools so I use what I have and most those tools arent deisgned for the whole body.

              And with pronouns, I think I start to get tired of being called a “he” but dunno.

              • SuperNovaStar
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                3 days ago

                That sucks. Well if you surround yourself with accepting people, you can experiment with then.

                Lemmy has a lot of cool people, bet you could find some 😉

                • Kyoko (Drakon)OP
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                  3 days ago

                  I dont even think I can met queer people where I live but thanks for the tip

  • Match!!@pawb.social
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    4 days ago

    YOU SEEK TO REBEL AGAINST THE INJUSTICE OF YOUR BIRTH, AGAINST THE DIVINE ORDER THAT SHACKLES YOU TO YOUR CURRENT FORM. FREEDOM IS WITHIN YOUR GRASP. SEIZE IT

  • JayDee@lemmy.sdf.org
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    4 days ago

    Anyone got a breakdown on the lower symbols? I recognise shinji, and understand the general vibe of OP not getting to express their authentic self. I just don’t know the actual meaning of the symbols for the most part. I think I recognise the upper right in the box as an iconification of ostracization?

    • Kyoko (Drakon)OP
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      4 days ago

      If you mean the closeted girl is Madotsuki from Yume Nikki, a character that I kinda identify with. If you mean the Px its an ortodox christianity symbol which is like a way to represent the elementary and high school I was on. And fortunately I donw have any issue with my lower parts, for now at least.