- cross-posted to:
- theonion@sh.itjust.works
- cross-posted to:
- theonion@sh.itjust.works
WASHINGTON—In a move that significantly restricts the eligibility of thousands of American troops to fight for their country on the front lines, senior U.S. military officials announced Wednesday that all men with girl names would now be forbidden from serving in combat roles.
The ban, which goes into effect immediately, prohibits male personnel with clearly feminine names like Jamie, Sandy, and Alexis from serving in all artillery, infantry, and armored units. According to a Defense Department memo, the military is less effective as a fighting force when it deploys men named Francis, Sloan, Carol, or Loren in active conflict zones.
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always been last name or shithead. 🤷♂️
Jody your out. Now here’s your separation documents and a list of the home addresses of all your battle buddies so you can keep in touch. Dismissed!
“what kind of name is Lindsey for a man? Ash! Get this pansy out of here.”
Ate the onion.
Same. It’s just too real.
hate how possible onion articles are nowadays.
male personnel with feminine names can also cowardly bomb brown children from a safe distance.
You got me. It’s just so plausible at this point, I ate it.
I know, right? If it’s insane, it might actually come from El Trump.
Remember ths time a persident could be impeached for having his c0ck sucked by an intern.
I mean, Trump has been impeached and just like with Clinton, it doesn’t matter.
So… if I want my son to be spared from the draft all I have to do is give him a traditionally masculine name like Kelly, Courtney or Ashley?
if I want my son to be spared from the draft
Or Donald Trump.
Sponsored by Lindsey Graham.
Lol
What you expect him to go by a different name? The teacher will have to report this to the parents.
I ate it. It tasted like… fascism.
Well, my daddy left home when I was three
Didn’t leave very much to my mom and me
Except this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze
Now I don’t blame him 'cause he run and hid
But the meanest thing that my daddy ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me SueWhats hilarious about this is that senior commanders would be more likely to have “girls” names considering names tend to flip back and forth gender-wise. Any young Lindsay you meet today will likely be a girl, meanwhile you have old dudes like Lindsay Graham in the senate
Leslie is another one
Mitch McConnell’s actual first name is Addison.
J.D. Vance’s first name is Jethica
Are you the guys on the beach who hate everything?
Brb, changing my name to I can avoid getting drafted
(Kinda wished this was real, that’d be an epic uno-reverse)
They can come to canada to serve
There’s gotta be a Jody joke in there somewhere
