first off, we’re both men. i’m 19, he’s 18 (carl). carl used to be very energetic, sweet, affectionate, and happy.
lately, he’s been very down, which is of course uncharacteristic of carl. whenever i ask if he’s okay, he insists he’s fine, but doesn’t want to talk about it.
everything sucks to him, his energy is very low, he usually is tired. he doesn’t really care about anything either and his personality completely changed.
for background, he gets harassed and yelled at a lot for being neurodivergent, and also
trigger
sexually harassed
idk what the exact issue is because he doesn’t want to say. i have no clue how to help.
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He’s depressed. And it’s affecting him physically.
Speaking from experience (neurodivergent, kinda upbeat, started self destructing around that age), I didn’t want to talk about it for many reasons, among which is burdening friends (which feels especially poignant when one’s self worth is low), wanting to avoid the anxiety and “act like” everything is fine. I also didn’t really understand what was ‘wrong.’
I bet he’s more self aware of how down he is than you’d think. And feels shame over it. It’s like your brain is betraying you, and it doesn’t make sense.
It depends on his personality and other things, but if I were in his shoes, I’d love a blunt statement of support. You value his company. You’re willing to listen to any thoughts he has, unconditionally, and it’s not going to turn you away. You’ respect his privacy/personal space, but want to listen.
Don’t emphasize being worried or reminding him of who he was, but just being there for where he is right now.
I emphasize, be explicit. Don’t prod too hard, but be blunt. In this mental state, positive “hints” of support just don’t get through. Looking back, I can see hints I misinterpreted, yet I ended up pushing friends away and falling into some very destructive isolation.
