- cross-posted to:
- crumbgrabber@lemm.ee
- cross-posted to:
- crumbgrabber@lemm.ee
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Polar bears are very curious animals, so if you back away while slowly undressing they will stop to inspect each piece of clothing, giving you time to get away.
They are also one of the few, next to tigers, land predators that actually have a taste for human blood. The nature of a polar bear thinks it can eat it then it will certainly try. You also absolutely cannot out run them.
Where’s that “imma fight a gorilla” guy when you need him?
180 seconds (3 minutes) is a hilarious overestimation of any fighter’s ability. Unless you’re counting the time it takes to bleed out.
Or total time it takes to be consumed
10 seconds of fighting, 170 seconds of screaming while being ripped apart.
1 swipe from those giant claws will end you in less than 10 seconds.
Snapping out of your fantasy as you’re being eaten alive is a bad move.
I feel like the other option is a Jacob’s Ladder experience
Yikes.
For the uninitiated, that’s like having your life flash before your eyes but all you remember is every vivid detail from Evangelion.
They may kill SEAL with a slap but how many polar bear slaps does it take to kill members of other special forces?
I don’t know…Ask Mr. Owl.
That depends on the bear’s tactical training, if the bear went through bootcamp then it’s one slap, if the bear is also a SEAL then it’s half a slap.
One
Do not – and I really cannot stress this enough – give any of those bears cocaine
instructions unclear, bears are now on pcp
A gallon of pcp?
Didn’t even know they made it in liquid form
Science 🤷♂️
I dissolved it in Absinthe, seemed like a good idea at the time…
Everything’s liquid form eventually
Thanks for reminding me about this https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tFUvmZWf4hI
why not?
That’s the spirit
Cocaine Bear 2: Land of the Fresh Powder.
Not even a little, bitty Pick-a-Nick key bump?
Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.
Meaning they interbreed in the wild (somewhat rare), and produce viable offspring that can have babies as well.
We’re actually noticing this happening more and more with climate change. As Grizzly populations move further and further north, they’re encountering polar bears more often and are more likely to mate. Some scientists actually think within the next couple centuries due to arctic sea ice pretty much disappearing polar bears will either go extinct, or interbreed with grizzlies so much that there isn’t a “pure” polar bear left. Most likely a mix of both.
Hey, Mac! You still have that Halloween costume?
The number of confirmed hybrids has since risen to eight, all of them descending from the same female polar bear
She has a type.
She likes them brown boys
fun fact: polar bears have black skin.
Scary… Polar bears comming to my house! Slightly larger whiter Grizzlys still a problem.
Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.
Calling it that gives it too much credit, it is something thought up in the 17th/18th century without any concept of genetics and evolution.
Which might explain why it breaks down almost instantly under any amount of scrutiny.
It’s a category. All lines are arbitrary to a degree and “interbreeds and produces viable offspring” is not exceedingly arbitrary. You can have arguments around populations which could and would interbreed if they weren’t geographically distinct, you can argue about whether offspring needs to be viable no matter which way around the sexes of the parents are, or how large the percentage of viable offspring needs to be, but in the end, yep it makes sense to have a distinction somewhere around that bunch of criteria.
House cats and European wild cats are considered distinct species not because they’re genetically incompatible, but because they don’t interbreed to any significant degree – too many behavioural differences, and we’re not speaking about culture, here. So even if they could intermingle in theory in practice they don’t, so they stay separate, so they’re different species.
It’s kind of… a behavioural view on the genome? If you have a better idea, field it, there has to be some dividing line because taxa for the taxonomy god.
There are tons and tons and tons of species that can do this. It’s not clear to me what the prevailing species concept is nowadays, if we’re even still following one.
So are Neanderthals and homo sapiens the same species then?
Close enough that we probably helped bred them out of existence. Neanderthal genetic markers show up with some regularity in certain modern human populations.
Edit to add: While humans didn’t breed them out of existence, we certainly did intermix with them. And that does help to maintain their existence yet today.
In the near future, Polar Bears as a separate species will likely disappear, and we’ll have all hybrids.
Bear is black, fight back.
Bear is brown, turn around.
Bear is white, say good night.
Bear is Kodiak, you are trespassing and you will be shot.
Turn around is a bad idea
If it’s brown, lie down
Oh, I had understood that to mean lay down facedown (with your back to it) since people usually have backpacks while hiking/hunting, and it provides some measure of protection.
I had heard it as turn around, but lie down makes much more sense.
Bear is white, say good night, and tuck it in and tell it a story. Once the bear has fallen asleep snuggle up to it, so it has a fresh morning snack.
Also.
Some black bears are brown.
Some brown bears are black.
Good luck everyone.
I remember somewhere they were saying you should remove your clothes (slowly piece by piece) with a polar bear. The bear will get distracted and start sniffing your clothes.
I think it was a QI episode and then David Mitchell said something like that Polar Bear being happier in the fact that the human would be better to eat this time because it didn’t have a wrapper.
That’s a myth perpetuated by the polar bears, they’re just perverts
This works because polar bears are super horny. Its desire to rend you limb from limb will be replaced by overwhelming lust. Of course then you’ve got a completely different issue to deal with, but at least you might not die.
I think removing your clothes is just so the bear doesn’t choke to death on your Nikes.
Also, one of the few animals that will hunt humans for food
Can’t blame them. They’re running out of options.
its revenge, actually. Justified at that.
Fighting bears isn’t that common of an encounter. I’d be more worried about deer and coyotes or even a single cougar than the off chance of encountering a bear. They will definitely fuck you up but it’s not like they are starting their day to be like “Imma go murder a human” in the same way other urban-adjacent animals are—I think they just wanna get that sweet sweet pick-a-nic basket.
dies from turkey assault
This is what a bear would say to lull us into a false sense of security.
woah woah, bear with me here…
Polar bears will absolutely try to hunt you. They’ll eat anything that moves. The only way to deal with a polar bear is a gun.
Tbh, even if you have a gun, your odds are not 100%. You’re firing at essentially a biological tank, small caliber fire might cause pain and eventually kill a polar bear with non-vital shots, but it’s not going to stop one barreling down on you.
Realistically, you need to be a decent enough marksmen to aim for a vital point, all while making your will saves because a giant monster is charging you. I’m pretty sure most humans are still fucked.
The ancient drawing was by a caveman trying to convince his caveman bros that he could totally take a polar bear.
You mean there are single cougars in your local area ? I always thought these ads were lying
There are enough of them that I no longer go in certain areas of the forest unless I’m armed. And I always have 2 arms on me at all times.
Maybe the targeted advertising got your location wrong?
Moose are not to be trifled with either. If you accidentally put yourself between mama and baby, you’re gonna have a real bad time
And the cocaine. Some of them also want that sweet cocaine.
I bet they gives good hugs :3
It will keep you warm and cozy for the rest of your life!
Great source of vitamin A!
Also vitamin AA, AAA, and AAAA.
Duracel picked a wrong mascot.
enough to become toxic to humans.
Only once
Motorcycle helmets are purposefully not-hard. Odd comparison.
Tall snow doggos
*first floor windows don’t go nuts guys no way that lad is reaching all the way to the second floor
Is the US the first floor is the ground floor, second floor is what is called the 1st floor in many other countries
Or “Zeroth Floor”.
Just like we have a zeroth century, aye guys?
Calling something a “second storey” just sounds weird, although at least because they spelt it “story” we know they mean in the US sense.
is the fear of this bear why we’re so intent in melting the icecaps?
