Hey man you’ve got nothing but agreeance from me. You’re 100 percent right. I moved from the Deep South to the pacific north west because I was horrified by my roots and by what my family contributed to. But I have zero excuses for not having a better attitude, more resilience and at least attempting to better the world. You’re not wrong, but none of your feelings change the fact that the world does, in fact, need your brain power- especially if you’re capable of such deep introspection. I value you. I hope you can start to value yourself.

Wow, that’s horrifying. He sounds psychotic and psychological. That must be hard to come back from without permanent trust issues. I hope you’re doing okay. Was it long ago?

Sorry to enter this convo but how exactly did you find out? I mean, who gave you the first heads up you might be autistic and guided you to a more exact diagnosis. And what were the more proeminent factors towards the diagnosis.

I sometimes think there’s something different about my relationships or approaches but don’t know if it is of value to a medical professional. Or if it’s just normal.

The answer to this, like most identity-related questions, vary pretty significantly by the individual.

Some people transition because they feel more comfortable presenting in ways stereotypical of the other gender, others because they feel dysphoric with their body. Most are some combination of both.

Personally, I don’t feel much “social” dysphoria as I am (mostly) comfortable with my presentation, however I feel pretty intense body dysphoria, so my transition was primarily physical, with some lifestyle changes to fit in better.

It’s possible that dismantling of binary gender norms may allow more people to live comfortably without feeling the need to transition, but when you really deconstruct that argument, it’s not really useful. What matters is the reality of people’s experiences. In practice, that argument is usually used to discredit trans experiences as “made-up”.

It’s akin to saying, “People wouldn’t wear clothes (weather permitting) if we dismantled stigma around nudity.” Some people, maybe—it depends on the situation. Pragmatically, we live in a world where it matters, so it’s not a useful argument.

Regarding sexuality, there’s a significant lack of statistical data. There was some progress being made, but recent stigma has slowed scientific research into the topic. Personally I don’t think sexually can ever be fully decoupled from gender as a sense of self is often a significant part of sexuality. That being said, sometimes people change orientation when transitioning, sometimes they don’t. A combination of changing hormones and improved self-image can make a big difference in sexuality.

I’ll simply say that I’ve never associated with the typical male, mainly regarding the toxicity and competitive nature (I find it a huge turn-off). On the other hand, I’ve always had gender envy of women (clothing, makeup, poise), having always loved them and also wanting to be one. Being able to move away from being a guy has been THE most impactful decision of my life and only wish I had done it sooner.

Regarding sexuality, that’s dependent on the individual. I prefer women, so I identify as a transgender lesbian. I’m not sure of the statistics.

Mostly closeted late-identified MtF non-binary here:

You’ve cleanly identified the central uncertainty behind a hell of a lot of “gender binary” discourse, but you’re also brushing against a flamewar about something called “transmedicalism.”

(Thankfully, neither one needs to be answered to get to the correct public policy outcomes of “let people be people” and “don’t be a sexist fart.”)

Transmedicalism can be defined as a belief that only those who medically transition are transgender, with anything short of full HRT and surgery as merely a compromise state and anyone not transitioning full time dismissed as a cisgender person playing pretend indulging in something less than.

Needless to say, there are strong opinions on both sides. Just as there are LGB cis people who dismiss T as a class needing respect and protection, there are T people who dismiss Q+ as a class needing protection or respect.

What makes the argument especially infuriating is the dearth of good statistics on non-cisgender folk at all. Between low sample sizes, huge variance between state law and ethnic acceptance, and often-insulting definitions, precise data is harder to come by for trans sexuality than f-on-m sexual assault.

For your specifics;

• Social expectations are a huge part of gender identity. If I had been born decades later I very well might have come out as non-binary in high school, or might have instead been a full-time trans girl. And if I lived in a redder state, or had a more right-wing partner, I might still identify as entirely cis.

• Maybe? Like I said, it’s really hard to know.

• Data point worth noting : the cis folk who are closest to me are definitely cis.

• With the.huge caveat about data noted above, my understanding is that trans men and women are about even on their split between which sexes or genders they are attracted to. The most prominent single group may be MtF trans women who were in a cishet marriage before they transitioned, but my impression is that about 25% are “gay”, 25% “straight”, 25% “queer”, and 25% “confused by terms.”

On your last question, from https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/what-is-gender:

What Gender is not is sexual orientation. We describe orientation using terms relative to one’s gender (homosexual/heterosexual/bisexual, etc), but gender itself does not affect sexuality and sexuality has no role in gender.

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