• gmtom@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    You’re gifted enough to cruise through the first few stages of your education without trying, so you forge an identity as “the smart kid” but never build up skills in learning or studying, so when you finally get to a level where your natural intelligence can’t carry you anymore you can’t keep up with the people who did learn those skills and you start to fail and lose your identity as the smart kid which causes you to break down because that’d how you defined yourself for so long… or so I’ve heard.

      • 7heo@lemmy.ml
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        1 year ago

        This is actually the reason. Because there is no such thing as “natural intelligence”. Not more than there is “natural strength”. There are natural predispositions, yes, but what you get is function of what training effort you put in. Whether you realise, and/or like, putting effort into training your intelligence, is is another thing. So people who are “above average” were in a favorable environment that fostered their development without it feeling forced, or unnatural. And then, when the environment was replaced by the school’s, it sadly didn’t foster personal development anymore. I would argue we would need to redesign education, now that we have internet. We don’t have to design courses around physical limits.

        • MonkderZweite@feddit.ch
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          1 year ago

          Because there is no such thing as “natural intelligence”.

          Weell, some children have it easier to comprehend stuff on the logical/abstract level than others. Which feeds their curiousity. Which trains their intelligence…

        • Nowyn@sopuli.xyz
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          1 year ago

          It is also not always about our intelligence but our skill set. I rarely have hard time learning when I want, but issue in my case has been in addition to probable ADHD and mental health issues that the system wasn’t designed to teach me studying.

    • TheDoctorDonna@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I feel like you watched me grow up. For a long time I was smart enough to pick things up naturally, I was even offered to skip grades.

      Then the math got complicated and I didn’t know how to learn it. I went from being the smart kid to being the stupid one in remedial math. Being smart was all I had at that point, so when I “lost” that, I lost everything in my eyes. I was stupid and I was never going to be anything because of it.

      I ended up getting my GED as an adult and I now have a promising career in insurance- so I didn’t really lose everything, but when I was 15 it sure felt like I had.

      • hydrospanner@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        More or less the same, except I ran out of steam somewhere in the calc 2 to calc 3 area…so instead of becoming an engineer, I became someone who works for them.

        In some ways it ain’t bad. I’m “skilled technical staff” whose work makes my position “salary non-exempt”, which means that at most companies/employers, my work gets guaranteed salary pay, but if I am asked to go over 40h in any given week, they’re legally obligated to pay me 1.5x OT pay.

      • Nowyn@sopuli.xyz
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        1 year ago

        I am crossing this divide now. I have secondary education but no university and I am working to get to med school now (In Finland it is a combined undergrad and med school). I think I can do it but I don’t really know how to study. I know how to learn but learning in schedule is the issue. I was too ill to go to university when I should have and I could have gone to easier courses I could have gone to without an entrance exam and done OK but I always wanted medicine. Or well, I not easier but easier to get into like maths. After I got better I ended up in aid work, and stopping that is really hard. But I still want to become a doctor so I am trying now in my thirties. Having what looks like undiagnosed ADHD that is now under investigation and crappy childhood might explain part of why I never became what people felt I should have but the fact that I never had to learn to study because I didn’t need to get through is up there.

        I try to remember that our education does not mean anything for our value, but it seems hard when it comes to you.

    • Karyoplasma@discuss.tchncs.de
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      1 year ago

      First half describes me, second part does not. Never struggled in school or university (although I did fail lectures because I was too lazy to show up for exams).

      But I also never defined myself about being “the smart kid”, I always rejected that notion. Society didn’t and still projected it onto me. That’s why I’m breaking down crying every other day. I always tried to help people that do struggle, I always tried to keep my “gift” as far away from conversation as possible. It didn’t matter, I’m a failure.

    • spirinolas@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      That stang…

      Also, when you see it happen and you actually start trying and do better but some teachers always give you a lower mark to “motivate” you so you’ll “try even harder”.

  • snooggums@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    I am good with knowing my deficiencies. What sucks is being told that they are my fault because I should be “smart enough to overcome them”.

      • snooggums@kbin.social
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        1 year ago

        Or being a jack of all trades and getting potshots for not being an expert in everything just because you pick up the basics quickly.

    • SolarNialamide@lemm.ee
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      It’s actually insane how many teachers and other education professionals waved me off with ‘you’re smart enough, just try harder’ while I was obviously suicidally depressed and extremely dysfunctional. Having undiagnosed autism because I was a teenage girl in the '00s was fun.

    • whofearsthenight@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Ah, the ol’ “here’s the test here’s exactly what you need to do to be successful” followed by “lol that was never the real test.”

  • The Menemen!@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    The guilt that “you could have done more with your life”, despite being a successful engineer with a happy family.

    • OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml
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      1 year ago

      “Gurtaj is a principle software engineer at Google you know! You used to be the same grade in school. What happened?”

      “Dad, I’m running a multimillion dollar startup right now”

      “Tsk tsk”

      • Lepsea@sh.itjust.works
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        1 year ago

        “with all that million dollar you still can’t be a doctor, did you know your nephew could play violins blindfolded while performing a surgery when he was still 3 years old. What a disappointment”

      • TechieDamien@lemmy.ml
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        1 year ago

        Meanwhile,

        “Osrs is running a multimilion dollar startup you know! You used to be the same grade at school. What happened?”

        “Dad, I’m a principle software engineer at Google right now!”

        “Tsk tsk”

  • Kerrigor@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    I’m in this picture and it makes me keenly aware of what I could accomplish if I didn’t just coast by

      • KreekyBonez@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        wise words. I started just playing to my strengths a few years ago, instead of overachieving for the nebulous award of being “the best”, and my life has gotten immensely more fulfilling.

        my current employer isn’t asking me to be the best in my field, just good at what I do, and that feels great. I get shit done, and don’t feel the need to constantly reinvent the wheel. or feel the stress of failure when something is over my head.

  • tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip
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    1 year ago

    There’s that joke about wearing regular clothes on Halloween to go as the “gifted kid”, and when people ask what you’re supposed to be you sigh and say you were supposed to be a lot of things.

  • talizorah@kbin.social
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    1 year ago

    I still suffer from this. Promising early start, intense self-confidence issues and depression by the end.

    • The Cuuuuube@beehaw.org
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      1 year ago

      The secret is we’re all gifted and talented in our own ways. Our society is structured to benefit and work for a specific kind of gifted and talented. You got to an early start, and then when it was determined your talents weren’t profitable, the problem was framed as you wasting them instead or the system failing you.

      Not to mention our current identification of gifted and talented is basically just “So you know how that one kid has ADHD and his lack of structure in their home life results in poor grades? Well we put them in the remedial class. There we will teach them coping and organization skills. Meanwhile, this other kid? They also have ADHD but we don’t realize it because their grades are fantastic. Turns out their home life is stressful in a specific way that means they get good grades, but they don’t really know why or what structure is helping them. I school we will put them in the gifted and talented class. There, they’ll be in an unstructured environment where they can learn and explore at their own pace and OH NO NOW THEY’RE ANXIOUS AND UPSET BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE THEY WERE THRIVING IN THE STRUCTURE OF A REGULAR CLASSROOM”

      Our education system is not based on individual need and instead on assuming everyone is basically the same, just more or less advanced

      • talizorah@kbin.social
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        1 year ago

        I definitely identify with the second kid. Being tossed around so much because they tried to figure me out and failed definitely doesn’t help. “You’re good! But not good enough.”

        • The Cuuuuube@beehaw.org
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          1 year ago

          I had a moment in elementary school I’m still working through. I was in 5th grade and reading a book I thought was really fun and exciting and I was enjoying it. My teacher pulled me aside one day to inform me I was underperforming my reading level because the book was written for a 3rd grade reading level and I was capable of reading at a 9th grade reading level. But here’s the thing: what 10-year-old wants to read a 9th grade set of books? What 10-year-old wants to read To Kill a Mockingbird?

          I honestly haven’t had the enthusiasm or fervor for reading ever since. I’ve had bouts of being able to focus on reading for a few months at a time, but the energy always burns out after a while. It’s something I have to focus on when I’m in a book store or library that most of the printed word is, at the end of the day, schlock, and that’s a GOOD THING. We all like schlock-y things. Whatever schlock that it is that you’re into, you’re into it. Maybe you like three camera sitcoms even though the laugh track is cheesy. It could be you like superhero movies, even though Marvel puts out 3 a year, and it’s hard to keep up with them and everyone you know has been less enthusiastic about them ever since Endgame. Perhaps you love video games, but you spend some time every day investing time into a completely non-challenging game on your phone. I’d even include foodies who go to Taco Bell every so often. We all have non-challenging schlock that we enjoy and consume, and that’s OKAY. It’s what makes the non-schlock elevate itself to a higher level when you experience it.

          So bottom line.

          Don’t let anyone detract your schlock. They have their schlock, you don’t judge them for it. Love your schlock unironically. You’re beautiful and perfect, and so is your schlock.

    • shadowspirit@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Doubt is a sign of intelligence. Which can sometimes lead to confidence issues. Just try to keep things in perspective and not let doubt keep you from taking calculated risks. It’s when we allow ourselves to become paralyzed that things regress. A lot of it is environment as well so there’s no simple answer but I can assure you thet you’re not alone.

  • Franzia
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    1 year ago

    This is funny, but even the most intelligent people are inflicted with this. Don’t let it keep you down, we cannot be good at everything.

    Its been consistently self-reported by Harvard students. And another effect is present, too - excellence leads to being placed in competitive environments, where everyone else is just as excellent. And this can make brilliant people feel stupid.

    • relevants@feddit.de
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      Intelligence also doesn’t necessarily translate to actual success. I’ve been through numerous assessments as a child that confirmed I am comfortably in the “green zone” (if measured by IQ, that is), but I also have pretty severe ADHD so I can only really make use of my brain for short periods of time.

      I can get a week’s worth of work done in a day, but only once a week, and I spend the rest of the week wondering where I’d be if only I could work like that every day. I was also a decent student in school/uni but never near the top of the class, because I couldn’t bring myself to study for anything more than a few days before the exam.

    • alcasa@lemmy.sdf.org
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      Well, there necessarily need to also exist below average Harvard students. Its probably more of a shock to have the one thing you might have been proud of, being rather smart, be taken away once you get there and realize you are probably at most average and have to find a new identity

  • RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz
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    1 year ago

    Ah, I see the stereotype of everyone thinking of themselves as “lazy genius” is something we’ve carried over from Reddit. We’re all above average intelligent and could really achieve something if we just bothered to work hard and apply ourselves!

    lol

    • DrGumby@lemm.ee
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      Yeah, one of the most important epiphanies I’ve ever had is realizing I’m not a lazy genius, I’m just lazy. It was a rude awakening to realize that I need to work twice as hard to keep up. But it was probably the best thing to happen to me!

  • Wugmeister@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    1 year ago

    Fun fact: programs for gifted kids have historically been far more underfunded than programs for other exceptional students.

    By the way, the euphemism of “exceptional children” pleases my autistic brain way more than any other word for Special Education students. It has all the compliment-sounding qualities of “Special Needs” but is even more literal than any previous euphemism. It literally means “kids that teachers need to make exceptions for”

    • Misconduct@startrek.website
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      “Gifted” programs royally screwed my education. I had huge gaps in my knowledge because they decided that being top percentile in reading/writing (and being the weird kid) meant I could just skip out on classes for special little weird classes or sit with higher grade classes. I just had ADHD btw and really liked to read. Anyway, I would LOVE to know wtf they thought they were doing moving a kid around that much in 3rd-5th. I suffered the hardest with math. I was missing bits and pieces, which is pretty gd important in math, and I’d still somehow get the answers right but talked to about my overly complicated or ✨creative✨ solutions lol. Even now I hide my work if I need to solve something because I’m probably doing it weird… Then later it was really fun finding out that I couldn’t really live up to being “gifted”. 0/10 being special made me less educated.

    • xX_fnord_Xx@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Truth. When I was in the gifted reading program us dweebs had to temporarily be relocated to the teachers break room.

      I’m sure the teachers that shared that break time with us didn’t enjoy it.

    • mayo@lemmy.today
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      I think a good part of that is because ‘average human’ is not a good way to represent who we are individually. I’m probably above average at specific things but in many other respects I’m average or below or wherever I’m supposed to be. Maybe most people are above average even though on average most of us are average.

      Fully above average people IMO are like astronauts and stuff. We all live in the shadow of that former navy seal/doctor/astronaut who is like 45 or some crazy shit.

    • areyouevenreal@lemmy.antemeridiem.xyz
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      This really depends on the distribution. If some or all of the people in that bottom 20% are very, very stupid it could actually work out that 80% are above average, because the average is being pulled down by the people at the bottom.

      This is why we have different averages like mean, median, mode, and RMS because they each give you different interpretations of the raw data. For example the mean electro motive force of the grid is around 0 volts because it spends as much time in the negative as the positive. We use RMS here because negative numbers become positive when squared.

      • model_tar_gz@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Just the fact that you’re thinking about this in terms of a distribution that’s non-normal indicates that you’re on the right side of that distribution.

        • areyouevenreal@lemmy.antemeridiem.xyz
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          Thank you I guess?

          To be honest I don’t think intelligence can be boiled down to a single number. Like somebody or something can have a slow processing speed but can do a lot of different things, versus something or someone that is incredibly fast but limited in it’s usage. To some extent this actually happens inside human minds with things like system 1 vs system 2 in psychology having different roles within the brain/mind of a human and being suited to different things (flexible but slow and single tasking vs dumb but fast and parralel in this case).

          Also I am considered by my society to have a mental disability. So regardless of how far right of this distribution I might be there are still things I don’t understand that more average people can. You could argue that those things are only domain-specific forms of intelligence but I don’t know if that’s actually true or not. There are too many variables and anomalies we don’t understand.

    • gmtom@lemmy.world
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      Flat earthers and anti vaxxers bring the average down far enough to make that possible.

  • RQG@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Being gifted only refers to intelligence most of the time. But intelligence alone won’t make a person excel at their field. You can be among the most intelligent people but still stay in the blue zone.

    I think excellence comes to be when intelligence meets motivation, purpose, creativity, social skills or other factors.

    And when it comes to the blue zone resilience would be a key factor. If one is intelligent of course you realize your faults quicker as well. However it takes resilience to keep going in the face of your own doubt.

    That’s why in the real world people who are very convinced of themselves and their own ideas will get far even if not gifted at all.

    • SuddenDownpour@sh.itjust.works
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      Agreed with most of your post but uhhhhhhh

      That’s why in the real world people who are very convinced of themselves and their own ideas will get far even if not gifted at all

      Confidence isn’t as good for finding the truth or good solutions as it is for tricking other people’s brains into thinking that you’re a reputable source of information. If you mean “will get very far” as in “capable of raising through the ranks of a hierarchy, regardless of what they actually do with their position later” or “capable of establishing their own little flat-earth cult”, then sure, a confident dumb person can achieve that. Not sure that’s something to be celebrated though.

    • ButtholeSpiders@startrek.websiteOP
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      I get what you mean… though, I feel like an IQ test is a biased test, I took one as a teenager and scored high. Which was a morale boost at the time, but a few months later I had medical problems and ended up having a stroke and had to basically start all over with speech, motor and memory.

      Sure, I survived. But I went through every therapy, started back up and realized I wasn’t close to what I was before. Which was crushing, sure I knew it wouldn’t be the same and I’m still above average, but the latent memories of my capabilities before constantly haunt me.

      I didn’t mean to depress anyone, just enjoy the blue zone if at all possible. I constantly try remembering, it can get worse. /hug

          • neanderthal@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            Of course I mean the butthole spiders! What do they do with their time since the revamp? Maybe we could convince the judge to let us old school the Dahmer types for a few bearamies? I pulled off toe nails until I was transferred to running coffee shops in the rehab neighborhoods so I never got to see the new spiders.

    • RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz
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      You have the downside of having to shoehorn being in the green region to every conversation. A real burden