I keep thinking about the experience of feeling body envy towards cis women. Since I cracked my egg I’ve started to notice I have two distinct sets of feelings towards cis women, which can sometimes overlap, one being romantic/sexual desire and the other being envy for their body and femininity. I think for a long time I conflated those feelings and thought I felt sexual desire towards women who really I just wanted to be, and at other yet more unfortunate times didn’t recognize my sexual desire for someone as such due to the lack of envy. It’s made me wonder how much of my sexual life and awakening has been colored by my desire to be the women I thought I just wanted to bone. Definitely some at least.
For what it’s worth, “Do I want to do her or do I want to be her?” is a whole thing with cis lesbians…
maybe envy and sexual attraction are one and the same.
moving into somebody or moving into the way of being of somebody else might just be abstractions or imaginations of each other.
Glad to hear other people feel the same way. A few months into a transition and I can say it helps a bit to meet gorgeous cis women who I absolutely get gender envy from, but don’t have any sexual attraction too. Helps to learn how to separate those emotions
All my life I’ve had strong crushes on a certain type of woman. Lanky, shy, nerdy, a bit goth. Guess what kind of woman I’m turning out to be!
I always ended up dating curvaceous, bubbly women but the attraction to the nerd was ever present for decades before I realised I was trans.
I guess that powerful attraction was my subconscious trying to drag me towards my true self in its own clumsy way.
tfw your subconscious tricks you into loving yourself
omg
Lanky, shy, nerdy, a bit goth.
Add in some dirty minded snark and dark humor, and that’s more or less my type too xD
