I keep hearing excuses like “but your highness the entire crop was destroyed and we’re starving” or “but my lord I’m dying of the plague”. Like ok? That sounds like a you problem. Someone has to do all the work around here and that someone’s not going to be me.
I knew you’d understand. I can’t go to war this weekend, I have to attend a few trials and executions (sigh), and you know how long it takes to draw-and-quarter someone or burn a witch at the stake, and a tax haul on Thursday, so Monday-Wednesday would make for a nice small war. Burn down a few huts, take some livestock, maybe even some treasure.
Tell me about it. So. Much. Work. Keeping society running is nonstop. Do you have a problem with peasant poachers in your Royal woods, too? That’s, like, half my beheadings right there! And then the Church is always whining about all of the heretics that need to be burned; I swear, if I wasn’t able to take wood from the serfs, I’d have no fires in my fireplaces this winter with all the witch burnings!
LOL if you think I’ve left the serfs any money to pillage, but - and you didn’t hear this from me - the Abby in St. Saintsburgh has some really nice candlesticks - solid gold, I’m told. I’d have them myself if the Bishop weren’t so popular. They’ve got a nice crop of pretty novices this year too, if you know what I mean.
I hear that Baron over on the South border has been giving you grief; how about I lay siege to his castle while you’re “busy” at the Abby? Set us up for a good excuse for next time, get rid of some thorns, restock the royal treasuries, and plausible deniability to keep the nobles & church quiet? Win-win!
M-W looks good on my calendar. Wife’s due to give birth that week, but even odds she won’t survive it anyway so I don’t need to be here.
Yeah, all they need is a tiny fire to keep their huts warm, they’ll never understand how hard it is to keep the entire castle warmed up. Your plan sounds pretty good, and may your next child be a son. If she dies, my eldest daughter is still whining that I haven’t arranged her marriage yet, so maybe I might finally get her off my back.
Sounds good. If it’s a boy, we can marry them in about 5 years.
What’s her dowry look like?
Well, I’m not really set on the dowry yet, but I’ve got a few spare farms (serfs included), plenty of cattle, and the rest we can discuss on Wednesday after a good day of war.