If you get mistaken for a trans woman that might be worse for safety. I guess it depends if your threat model says the law or random people are a larger risk.

From a trans woman’s perspective (mine), I think you’d be better off remaining and presenting as yourself. Both from a practical safety standpoint and a moral standpoint. Much of the legislation is targeted against trans women currently, so trying to present femme after going through such a long masculine transition will likely get you put in that bucket and put you in more danger. From a moral perspective, you should not have to hide who you are.

I think it’s very valid to want to stop for safety right now. I’ve thought a lot about that too. Maybe you had the chance to be you for long enough, that you forgot just how terrible it was to hide before? I am not a passing trans woman, and although it’s terrifying, even the worst days like this are better than most of my good pre- transition days.

Either way, make the choice that’s best for you. We all have different degrees of support available and are facing varying degrees of threats (I’m in a blue state for example). Please be safe. If you ever need to vent or talk, consider my DMs open.

Nope, that’s not how this works. Being even more visibly gender non conforming, especially in women’s spaces, puts you in a lot more danger. And if you’ve already jumped through the hoops to change your documents, you’re going to draw more attention changing them back - and if the absolute worst we can imagine happens we might not even be targeted in the first round, in Texas when Abbott started compiling a list of trans people he looked at document changes in the past five years. I’ve been on testosterone nearly as long as you have, and the changes don’t just reverse like that.

i’m (probably) not as old as you are (>5 years on T/in my thirties) but i cannot imagine stopping testosterone would help you at this point

the target is on, essentially, “people who look trans” (so, including non-passing trans people, as well as gnc cis folks or folks who tend towards androgeny in genetics or hormones). we have always existed, and there have always been, passing trans people. part of our survival has just been… passing, and only engaging in intimate relationships with trusted people

you would, in my opinion (without seeing you), more likely “fail to pass” as a woman instead of as a man. you didn’t really talk about this much in your post, beyond implying you’ve been on testosterone a long time, but if you pass consistently as it is…

holy fuck, NO, DON’T DE-TRANSITION!

presumably, you have facial hair, you might have top surgery, you probably have the muscular and fat distribution of a man! why would you spend probably two years, endangering yourself as you detransition, for something that will (hopefully) at least be tempered in four years?

if anything, my bigger concern is just staying supplied with testosterone until the end of the term. if i run out and start detransitioning, not only am i going to be depressed as fuck, but also i’ll likely be in much more danger that way, especially 6/12 months in

(and i don’t want to downplay the trouble that chenical dysphoria invites either, good mental state is absolutely a boon in surviving dangerous situations)

if anything, now is the time to figure out how to secure your testosterone supply. if your papers all have your updated gender, and your current supplier is on your side, see if they can adjust your diagnosis from gender dysphoria to hormone imbalance. at least on paper. otherwise, see about securing local sources of testosterone from your supportive community, or do some reading into crypto and finding an online source for it (which will always be around, albeit expensive)

i’ve also lived a hard life and i also would detransition if i had to, to survive. however, my assessment is that, given that i already pass completely, it would be a huge mistake to try to preemptively detransition. and honestly, i’m grateful for that. those of us who are earlier in their transition, or whose presentations lean more non-binary, have a much harder assessment to make

and, as fucked up as it is, we can use our powers as cis-passing men to speak up for those of us in more vulnerable positions. it does everyone good to have more of us in those positions of power

I’m not trans but I am gender non conforming. I don’t think you’ll be in better shape. I was attacked back in 2013 for being perceived as trans despite not being trans.

You’ll be in the same boat. If anything, pass harder?

(Btw don’t mean any offense about “pass harder” but like grey man that shit? I think trans men tend to fly under the radar about what chuds care about)

I hate that I keep seeing these posts. I’m so sorry you are not feeling allowed to live your own life happily and in-harassed.