Why YSK: Interviewers like to weed out people who have gaps in their employment history for myriad nonsensical reasons. If you remember that this is all just a game to the employer, you can play to win.

Fill the gaps with a story about a failed foray into entrepreneurship in a related field.

I had a massive gap and this worked gangbusters after six months of constant rejection. The gap was caused by my mother’s health rapidly deteriorating, and my sense of responsibility to care for her - which became a full time job until she passed.

After that, I went through the dehumanizing experience of dozens of interviews where I was asked about the gap. Describing why I took the time out of the workforce was hard enough - adding insult to injury was the homogenous reactions among all interviewers. You could watch them mentally write me off in real time, and then go through the motions before sending me off to wait for a “the organization has interviewed several great candidates” email.

It occurred to me that instead of baring my pain for callous interviewers, what they’d rather hear about was a “go-getter” whose spirit has been broken enough to come crawling back to the rat race. So I concocted a story about a failed attempt at being an entrepreneur in their industry.

Lo, and behold - After I stopped telling the truth and started telling people about Vandelay Industries` mighty struggle to remain solvent due to market forces, I found myself with three offers in the same number of weeks.

The difference in interviewers` whole demeanor between “took care of dying mother,” and “had to see if I could get Vandelay Industries off the ground while I was young enough to be able to recover from a failure” was night and day.

Read about failed startups. Rehearse.

Everybody lies in the corpo-world. Lie better.

  • themoonisacheese@sh.itjust.works
    12·
    1 year ago

    On top of justifying your employment gaps, laying through your fucking teeth is a mighty effective tactic in job interviews in general.

    You have the experience they’re looking for. Where did you get it? Toys r us, sears, choose any company that went bankrupt. List your friend (coach them on what to say) as your manager at that place.

    You love overtime when it’s necessary. You don’t have anyone at home waiting for you so if there’s work to do you’re happy to get a bigger paycheck instead of being bored all night. It doesn’t matter if it’s true because that guy told you “we don’t ask for overtime often, we work well”. Both of you were lying, it’s fine.

    You need a certification from a bullshit company like AWS or Azure (not actually useful certs like forklift mind you, please do stay secure). Don’t fucking pay for it, tell them you had the opportunity to follow the classes but we’re too busy with work to pass the exam! Sure you don’t have the paper to show for it but you know what you’re talking about! And you’re such a great candidate why would you like to them about that?

    Lie through your teeth everytime you get the chance, because they’re doing it too. Worse case scenario? They find out and never call you back. Oh no! The thing they were going to do if you didn’t lie!