So yeah. Lots and Lots was going on this year for me. I really hope things will settle down here now. I quit my dayjob to focus on editing videos for content creators. its fun but not very successful yet. i must say working self employed brings a whole new chapter of stress. but at least i am not forced to smile at customers anymore, and am genuinely happy with my work. I also got married, with big party and everything. so you can imagin how effing stressful that was from an anxiety perspecitve. but my partner supported me a lot and i am very happy that its done now ^^ My big take away is, if you can afford it, definetly get a manager for such events.

As of today, my anxiety is really bad. Terrible news, and doomscrolling aside even. Last weekend i went skateboarding with a group of strangers, and i definetly pushed myself too hard. i am now chained to my bed in my dark room, recharging slowly. This was my reminder to be kind to myself, and to accept when i need a break. So yeah a mixed bag, but i feel optimistic.

I guess a lot has happened for me too. I got my driver’s licence and graduated from university, but I haven’t found a job yet and I’m dreading any interviews I may have to take to get one. The news in America has also thrown a spanner in the works of my plans to move there to be with my partner, we’re now considering moving him here instead. I’m still living with my dad and (abusive) mum, so that’s been pretty stressful, I can’t afford therapy without a job and there don’t seem to be any psychologists left that accept the healthcare plans that used to make it completely free. I try to keep to myself and be aware of my own needs but it often doesn’t seem like I’m allowed to take care of myself when living with my parents, due to the demands they make on my time and energy. I had a good Halloween though, got to hand out candy for the first time ever, hoping one day I’ll even be able to go trick-or-treating! I am looking forward to a few things as the end of the year approaches, my sister is coming to visit for a bit, and I get to see my partner at the end of the year. Even though flying makes me terribly nervous and I think my anxiety has been getting worse.