“A Satanic portal? At this time of year! At this time of day! In this part of the country! Localized entirely above the White House?!?”
“Yes”
“May I see it?”
“No”
“No, no, no. I said steamed hams.”
Can you run doom on it though?
If someone can boot Linux on an Intel 4004, anything is possible!
If it has any capacity to process information, yes.
a Satanic portal
That’s a bit vague. What exactly are we talking about here?
A portal that worships Satan? A portal of Satan’s making? Is it a portal that only Satan himself can use, or can anyone can use it and it leads them directly to Satan’s location, or magically turns them Satanic upon using it?
A portal in the style of Satan. Essentially fiery goth.
A copy of the game Portal previously owned by Satan.
These are the scientific questions we really need to be asking. We’ll get our best people on it. The very best, they say. We’ll go hands waving “wifty wifty wifty” and boom, we’ll understand which democrat is on top of this satanic portal situation.
Good. That’s why kids are so lazy these days. Back in my day battling demons and carrying a flask of holy water taught us a thing or two about life. I for one welcome the pro satanic portal stance of this administration.
The most terrifying part of this, is that the words “Satanic Portal “ doesn’t immediately cause people to stop and say WTF?!!?
This is what religion does to a brain.
I’m saying WTF.
Everybody knows that Hell is down below us, and portals to Hell or Satan would open up on the ground and not in the sky where Heaven is located. Like, duh, man.
Narbonic circa Feb. 2004
If you’re not reading the Bible, then it’s more lies from
Joe BidenSatan.Not today
Joe BidenSatan!
So which is it? Joe Biden is a demented old man, or the right hand of Satan.
Wouldn’t that technically be over the Biden Regime?
Or as I like to call it, the Devil’s Butthole.
You should call it something else
Mephistophele’s Third Brown Eye?
Magical Sphincter Mistoffeles.
So I thought this must have been a tongue in cheek comment but I saw the actual video and it seems he’s actually serious, as is the maga host interviewing him (Eric Metaxas):
“It’s still there?”
“It’s still there.”
“Ok, that’s nuts. Like how has the media not covered this?”
“The media doesn’t cover a lot of things that are true.”wow I would not imagine it to be so nuts, they even add a minimal dose of skepticism to make it sound genuine.
Wouldn’t a Satanic portal be below the White House?
What if it opened in the sky on the south side of the White House lawn?
I walked by the White House last week and that’s actually exactly what’s going on. I thought it was kinda nuts that the media isn’t covering it
Excellent.
They’ve ignored the bigger one over Mt. Rushmore.
rubbs fingers together excitedly
All of this wouldn’t have happened if people just remembered to close the damn adrenochrome vat after use!
Come on, I’ve apologized for the release of those interdemensional entities so many times. What more do you want from me?!?
Cool, Stone was/is trying to bring back the Satanic Panic. /s
Neat
I’m pretty sure the moon was always there.
“I wonder if he knows all he has to do is let the Secret Service know he’s just going to the portal to get home and they’d let him through. I’d tell him myself…. Except I’d really rather he stayed over there….”
-satan, almost certainly.
