I realize this might seem a bit rude out of context, but I promise they thought it was funny
I feel that last one, so hard.
I had access to extra time and all that for maths, which I have always struggled with learning. I never felt justified in using them, told myself I was just dumb, not trying hard enough to learn. It didn’t matter that I was losing sleep, and still not improving, there was something I could somehow magically fix if I just kept pushing myself through the rock in my way.
For me that was basically all the not science, math, PE, or art classes.
All trying harder in those classes did was make me feel shittier when I failed.
Managed to graduate on time though through a Herculean effort of basically doing 3 years of high school during my senior year after my guidance counselor figured out that I could do online classes to make up credits during the school year.
I flew through that shit like a rocketship through the stratosphere all because he said that he wanted to see how far I could get in one year because he “got the clearance” to give me as much as I could take and that he believed in me.
It felt good to have someone believe in me for once.
there was something I could somehow magically fix if I just kept pushing myself through the rock in my way.
This is one of the worst “thought traps” out there. The biggest change in my life was when I decided to learn to work around/with my flaws rather than through/against them.
I don’t mean give up and never try to improve, like a post I’ve seen here where someone got mad at their friends because their friends should just expect them to be late because ADHD. I mean stuff like that I set as many alarms and reminders as it takes, rather than deluding myself that “one alarm will be fine if I pay attention”.
It took me twenty years since learning I have ADHD to come to the realization that while I’m really fucking good at some shit I really suck at others and the “You’re just being lazy” feeling is just bullshit that I can regret.
I help my coworkers do shit I’m great at - and lean on them for help when I need it… and I’ve never gotten any complaints that I’m not pulling my own share.
laziness is a symptom IMO, often a self-protection mechanism out of fear.
I’ve met many people that decided they’ll rather not do the thing than see themselves fail and prove whomever triggered that fear right.Also IMO, when wired differently, some tasks are easier and some tasks take more work, but if we let ourselves (and others) judge us for how easy or hard a task is for us, we condition ourselves to avoid the latter.
Then again, I know people that had the right support behind them, and even though they initially sucked donkey balls at the thing, they powered through it and became mediocre, but very happy.
I want to be mediocre and happy. :)
Note: There’s no judge harsher than ourselves.
Oh, it’s funny because it’s true.
Now I need to go cry in a corner, because it’s true
SO many math tests where I gave 100 % correct answers but only made the first 60 %. I didn’t even know this was related. Maybe the teachers should have investigated this further. Because it’s odd, isn’t it? If I were just bad at math, I’d either make many mistakes, or cherry-pick parts of the tests that I can do. But not do the first 60 % and then stop due to time running out. They should also have gotten the hint when they could always ask me something in class and I would know.
This went on at university (which I never finished) and certifications (still passed, because they typically have passing scores of 50 - 70 %).
That hits home like a cruise missile. Ouch.
Oof :(
